Being grateful and other helpful activities.

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Get over yourself.

I sure don’t want to hear that said to me. The implication is that I’m selfish, self-centered, and think the world owes me something.

Well, it does, right? I mean, all of you readers are supporting actors in my autobiography. I’m the star. The sun rises and sets on me. I think about me all the time. I know what I want and need. I have to look after Number One, because no one else will.

Wrong, on just about every level. You know that.

Here’s the reality check.

There are miracles and exceptions, but on a bad day, I’m not one of those miracles and exceptions. I wake up thinking about what I’ve got to do today. There are obligations I have for work and family. I try to meet those obligations. But at the core of things, I’m always thinking about how I feel, what I want, and how to keep myself happy and content with no rough spots in my life. Those rough spots are totally unwelcome.

Maybe that has something to do with a mutant form of self-preservation. After all, if I don’t take care of myself, I can’t meet the needs of others, right?

That’s partially true. You can’t water others from an empty well. 

That’s not the real issue. Under a thin veneer of doing the right thing, there is a selfish being dwelling inside each one of us. We let self-care get the best of us. We serve because it makes us feel good. It’s a great byproduct to know that we’ve helped someone else, but the bottom line is that our needs, at least in the flesh, come first.

Still with me?

This may get worse before it gets better, but hang with me.

We are all hot messes. It’s just a matter of degree. We can be awful. At the same time, we have the capacity for amazing goodness. It can only happen when we take our eyes off ourselves and quit being so preoccupied with what makes us feel good.

Hence, “get over yourself.” Let’s unpack that.

  • You are not the center of the universe. I know that’s hard to believe, because we tend to think about ourselves all the time. That’s not necessarily a bad thing – self-awareness can keep us from being stupid. The problem is when we convince ourselves that we exist to be served.
  • We are all needy. If you were to graph yourself at some point along a continuum (or get someone objective to do it for you), you’d see we are all pretty much in the same state. We all have needs, hurts, wants, desires. Yours may be different from mine. Fact is that we are not all that unique. Others may have things “better” than you do. Others are in far worse shape. Just be careful in adopting the philosophy that you are the Great I Am. You are one of a zillion or so people who want to be successful in that pursuit of happiness.
  • I trust there are people who care deeply about you. Some days you may feel totally misunderstood (true of me MOST days), but while my emotions are jerking me around, I do know intellectually that I have loved ones aplenty. Relish that. And if you for real don’t have anyone who cares for you, (1) get a dog, and (2) invest yourself in a benevolent activity – volunteer at a homeless shelter, take cookies to the fire station, get immersed in the life of a church. I’m a total introvert, but I still need people. Truly. (OK, maybe I need them on my own terms. Another blog topic, perhaps.)
  • As a companion thought to that last point – serve, serve, serve. This may sound simplistic, but you can sure broaden your worldview by giving yourself away to a cause bigger than you are. Your intent shouldn’t be to serve yourself by serving others – you serve others with no strings attached, feelings notwithstanding. (Although, I think it’s impossible to not achieve some degree of satisfaction when you help someone else. It’s a side benefit, and shouldn’t be your main motivation.)

Here’s what we collectively need to understand: Every one of us have reasons to be grateful. Whatever your state, no matter what life is piling on you, gratitude can still be the condition of your heart. 

We who live in the West have it all, if you want to think in material terms. You have stuff to eat. You have some clothes. You didn’t sleep outside involuntarily. With those three things, you’ve already positioned yourself ahead a sizable chunk of the world’s population.

But you knew that. You’ve heard variations on those simple facts all your life.

Don’t let me or anyone else “guilt” you into feeling bad because you aren’t as grateful as you think you should be.

Gratitude is a learned state.

We are born selfish. (I’m thinking about grandbabies right now – granddaughter Katherine learned to say “Mine!! … soon after birth.)

So don’t beat yourself up. Admit you’re selfish, and it’s hard to be grateful when you think you always need more than you have, whatever that may be.

Move on. Realize that in the grand cosmic scheme of things you are doing pretty doggone good. Take some time to simply be thankful. I’m not sure how I got started doing this, but every morning I journal what I’m grateful for. I do the same thing before bedtime. I don’t want to present myself as some sort of virtuous superhero, but I’ll tell you straight up being grateful changes me daily, and that’s a good thing. I’d wager it will fix you right up, too.

Finally, a word about supernatural blessings.

God blesses us all.

When we have a “me focus” instead of a “Him focus,” we find ourselves in that same awful place of discontentment. Realize that He blesses in ways you may never be aware of, and He does that constantly. He’s always at work. He never slumbers nor sleeps. You may not “feel” anything – but feelings, of course, can be great betrayers. Don’t depend on how you feel at any given point in time to determine the state of your heart.

So celebrate that heartbeat.

You have the capacity to move out of your own head and heart, and be just what someone else needs, even today. Watch for it. Opportunities abound. Just get over yourself.

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