Print Friendly Version

Self-sabotage. You know, blowing yourself up because you think you’re a failure.

Before we join each other in being outraged, take a deep breath. Because you know you’ve done this, and I have too.

It’s so easy to get frustrated with ourselves, isn’t it? It’s like that hamster on a wheel analogy. You work hard, run fast, and you simply don’t get anywhere.

This has everything to do with thought distortions. This simply means that what is a rational, reasonable thought mutates into something irrational, unreasonable, and just flat-out wrong.

We’ll talk about self-sabotaging thoughts in a minute. We won’t get specific, because your self-sabotage issues won’t be the same as mine. But if you’ve ever tried to change habits, fix relationships, develop a closer relationship with God, you might’ve said things like:

• This will never work.
• It’s too hard.
• I’m a failure.
• This is where I blew it last time.
• I’ll never be where I want to be (emotionally, mentally, spiritually, etc.)
• I screwed up. I might as well enjoy screwing up again.

Know what I mean?

Let’s try this. Here’s four ways to stop self-sabotage.

1. Identify a big ol’ sabotaging thought. Those might be some suggestions above. Tie it into a life area that’s giving you fits. It might be a moral struggle, a toxic thought life, worry and anxiety, an unbridled temper, being intolerant of folks who don’t see things the same way you do, etc.
2. Now, figure out what kind of thought distortion it is. Is it:
   1. All or nothing thinking? Here’s a hint – if you’re using the words “always” and “never,” then that’s some evidence that this is what you’re up to. Like “I’ll never be able to control my temper.”
   2. Are you psychic? Think you’re a mind-reader? As in, “Those people are judging me, so I’m gonna judge back.” Or, “People don’t understand me, and that’s why they’re pushing me aside.” (Note: People don’t think about you nearly as much as you think they do. That’s a topic for another time, perhaps.)
   3. Are you now a fortune teller? Symptoms would include statements like “Things are not going to get any better for me.” “I don’t think this relationship can be fixed.” Or, “What if an asteroid hits the earth?” (Maybe that’s not a good example, but some people think about things like that. Spare me.)
3. Now, write down (yep, I’m asking you to commit pen to paper, or fingers to keys) all the evidence supporting this thought. Are you wrestling with some big scary thought? Then, pilgrim, in what ways is this thought true? You’d best develop a persuasive case. I’d note, too, that even the worst thoughts might have a bit of truth to them. That doesn’t mean they are true, though.
4. You’re still writing … so write down all the evidence against this thought. In other words, what are the ways this sabotaging thought is actually a big lie to yourself?

It’s more false than true, isn’t it? That’s why we call them thought distortions.

So now, woo-hoo! You’ve just picked apart your first self-sabotaging thought.

Here’s an example.

Fred had a pretty significant argument with his best friend Barney. It didn’t end well. Fred knew he was way out of line.

Fred unpacked what happened – and here’s where the self-sabotage started:

• Incident thought: “I got in a fight with Barney.”
• Sabotaging thought: “I’m a jerk.”
• Thought distortion: Labeling – he put a label (jerk) on himself. And this is all-or-nothing thinking. Because of this fight, he’s decided he’s a total loser with no chance of redemption.
• Evidence supporting his thought: His relationship with Barney is strained.
• Evidence against his thought: They’ve been friends forever. They’ve had disagreements before and worked through them. Fred’s relationships are generally sound, fruitful, and rewarding. He was in a foul mood anyway, and Barney just struck him wrong. He can apologize.

See how it works? The evidence is strong that all will be well with some work.

That means that when faced with a couple of decisions as to how to move forward, the toughest-seeming one is the one you should choose to deal with self-sabotage.

Here’s why … and why this next time around will be different:

• You’ve had past experiences that were awful. You’ve been hurt. This time around, though, you can choose to construct new, positive, and winning experiences.
• You’re afraid to fail. No one likes to screw up. But now, you know how to glean what you can from what happened and move on.
• You don’t have confidence. Well, you’re underestimating what you’re capable of. (Note: If you’re a Believer, then your confidence isn’t in you. It’s in Him.)
• You have low self-esteem. Don’t think you’re worthy? Who the heck sold that concept to you? You are worth so much! You were created in the image of God, and it would serve you well not to forget that.
• Finally, you’re afraid of succeeding. Sound odd? I believe that you may have succumbed to self-sabotage so many times that you’re scared of experiencing the unimaginable – God’s best.

God’s best is some low-hanging fruit. Afraid of self-sabotage? When that fuse starts burning again – and it will, I promise – know you know how to defuse it.

Talk later!