A man of little memory.

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Memory loss. Being a man of little memory. That’s no fun.

It’s not a bad thing, really. There are plenty of things I’d just as soon forget. Shoot, I can remember stupid things I said or did when I was in the 8th grade. Sometimes I wish for selective amnesia. Some things I’d like to forget that I can’t; other things I need to remember disappear into a blank headspace, never to be retrieved.

These are actually overstatements. Most days I’m fine (“for my age,” as the doctor points out. How very helpful.)

Still, there is something to be said about being a man of little memory (or woman.) That state can make for some dark days if you aren’t careful.

There are some things we don’t need to forget:

  • We don’t need to forget where we came from. We are all products of our upbringing, for better or worse. If our upbringing was positive and peaceful, then we can use that memory to remind us that we can always return to that place. And if our upbringing was challenging (okay, it was awful), then we can use those experiences as a way to resolve that we won’t repeat the same actions or thoughts.
  • We don’t need to forget where we’re going. I’m talking about goals. Most everyone has vague desires, but only a tiny percentage of people actually have measurable goals they’re striving for. People, unfortunately, can get really content with just getting by, rather than focusing on some ideal and going after it. I could testify to the joys of knowing where you need to go and how to plan to get there. Paradoxically, it’s floating around aimlessly, supposedly carefree, that causes more long-term stress than staking a claim for your future and striving for the best.
  • We don’t need to forget who we are. This can fall under that “man’s search for meaning” category – it comes down to knowing that we are all “fearfully and wonderfully made.” Listen – you are unique. You are special. You are specialized. Nobody else can make the same contribution that you can. You are indispensable. This is not some kind of pop-psych mumbo-jumbo, or feel-good platitudes. Relish your individuality, but remember you are still here to make a difference.
  • We don’t need to forget Who’s we are. Part of being a Westerner in general, but an American specifically, means that we are taught to be self-sufficient, to be self-made, to stand up on our own, all that. This is all virtuous, at least to a point. But for believers, we have relinquished the right to call all our own shots. That doesn’t mean that we are puppets – there’s some free will floating around there somewhere – but it does mean that we’ve been bought at a price. We’ve handed the reins of our lives over to Someone Else.

Forgetting can mean a certain loss of thankfulness.

Here’s a fun little exercise I highly recommend. Every day do this little regimine. It involves you getting a journal, composition book, or something else. If you’re a total techie, you can do this in Evernote or some other online app. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m persuaded that old school pen-t0-paper makes you more reflective, slows you down, and causes you to put a little thought into what you’re doing. Studies back this up, but just use something to make you interact with what I’m asking rather than just thinking about it.

Here’s what I need you to do. Humor me.

Every morning, before you start the day, do this (and don’t give me any hooey about not being a morning person, not having time, etc. I know better, and you do too. If I can’t get you to cooperate any other way, then I’m not adverse to using guilt as a short-term motivator!)

  • Write down this question: “What three things am I grateful for this morning?
  • Answer it. If you can’t get started, at least think about the fact that you are awake, that you most likely slept indoors (unless you’re camping), that you have prospects for food today. There are people in the world that can’t even get that far.

Gratitude. Be grateful. It’ll program your mind and outlook for the day. I promise. It’ll keep you from being a man of little memory.

  • Now it’s nighttime and you’re getting ready to go to bed. Pause just a minute, get out that journal, and do this:
  • Answer this question: “What lessons did I learn today?” Go ahead. Write down the question. Make a little list. By “lessons” I mean what are the takeaways for the day? What did you learn about yourself? About your relationships? About your habits? These can be good or bad. (Disclaimer: There are no bad lessons. They are all teachable moments. It’s what you do [or don’t do] with them that make them bad.)
  • Second question: “What were my wins?” This should be self-explanatory, but these are those daily victories, large and small. I guarantee that for at least a moment, at some point today, you did something you were proud of, something that made a difference in your life or outlook. Maybe you held the door open for someone. That counts.
  • Third question: “What three things am I grateful for tonight?” Sounds familiar, but what we’re after is you bookending your day with gratitude.

Do these. Write them down. Don’t just lay in the bed and think about them. We want these engraved in your gray matter.

My challenge is do this for a week. That’s seven consecutive days. If you miss a day, reboot and start again. Seven days. At the end of those days, you are going to find yourself changed, just a little.

Think you’re a man of little memory? Or a woman of little memory? If you’ll do this, that little memory you have will grow into a bigger memory, and it’ll be memories of the good stuff.

Try it. Let me know how it goes

Be encouraged. Hopelessness is not an option!

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