“I hate myself some days.”

Or, perhaps, most days.

Consider these lovely activities:

• You constantly remind yourself of your perceived shortcomings.
• You think about what you should have said instead of what you did say.
• You replay the mistakes you’ve made, even those from years ago.
• You look in the mirror and think, “Who is this loser staring back at me?”
• You believe the negative things people have said to you.
• You yearn for “do-overs” when there aren’t any.
• You realize “I can’t take it back.”

I could go on. You probably don’t want me to.

I don’t know that I’ve ever been in a place that I actually hated myself. But there have been plenty of times I’ve hated what I did/thought/believed. Problem is, for many, it’s virtually impossible to separate what you do from yourself.

Are you defined by your actions? Perhaps.

If you think in terms of how the world perceives you, then, yeah. People’s perceptions of you are based on what they see, not what you think.

What facade you offer the world can be quite different than what’s going on inside. If you’re skilled at mask-wearing, then you can put on that proverbial happy face. People may never know the difference.

“I hate myself some days.” How would you like to reduce some to very few or no?

This is a radical change, and I don’t think there’s a quick fix.

Let’s begin with some basics. And this primarily for Believers, but there are some universal principles in play here.

• God protects you. Think of it as a hedge or wall. This doesn’t mean that bad things won’t happen to you or those you care about. (This is why so many people choke on the teachings of Christianity. It’s that “how can a loving God allow a child to die of leukemia?” We can take that discussion up later.) Fact is – there are a lot of terrible things that never happened because you were protected.
• God protects you from contempt and disapproval. Before you bristle up at me – “Hey, Tony, do you know the awful things people have said about me or to me?” – stick with me. It’s true, some people may view you as worthless at best and despicable at worst. They may say that to your face. They may certainly say that to others. When I say “God protects you,” I mean that He supernaturally equips you to bear up under the slings and arrows of hurtful words. You can’t do anything about what other people say. You can do plenty about your response to it. Remember – hurt people hurt people. Pity those who would devalue you. They are in quiet agony themselves.
• Sometimes, God has to protect you from yourself. You may have critics, but none of them are as severe as you. People may criticize you for what you do or say. You criticize  yourself for who you are – or who you perceive yourself to be.

It’s that contempt and disapproval of ourselves that can bring on that “I hate myself most days” mindset.

Here’s a case study.

Simon Peter was one of Jesus’ disciples.  He was part of that inner circle that included Peter, James, and John. For whatever reason, Jesus invested just a bit more in those three than He did the group as a whole. Don’t accuse Jesus of “having favorites.” He knew what He was doing.

Peter is a piece of work. He was a man of extremes – all or nothing. He tended to engage his mouth long before his brain engaged. I’m guessing the other disciples got really, really annoyed at him. Maybe even jealous – I could make a case that he and Jesus were best buds.

Still – there’s this:

• He spoke disparagingly of the other disciples: “Even if all fall away on account of you, I never will.” Peter is saying, these other guys are wimps. I’m sticking with you no matter what.
  
• “Lord,” said Peter, “why can’t I follow You now? I will lay down my life for You.” Hey, Peter – talk is cheap.
• “Lord,” said Peter, “I am ready to go with You even to prison and to death.” Riiiight.

Those are some big words from this fisherman. Then this classic, horrific incident:

• “Truly I tell you,” Jesus declared, “this very night before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times.” Yep. That’s what Jesus told Peter after Peter mouthed off.
• So. Jesus is arrested. Peter tells the crowd in the courtyard of the high priest that he has no idea who Jesus is.
• Then Peter remembered the word that Jesus had spoken: “Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times.” And he went outside and wept bitterly.

Okay then. Peter really messes up here. It’s the culmination of a lot of big talk. Peter discovered who he really was, not who he perceived himself to be.

Just sketching out the rest of the story – Peter repents. He receives forgiveness from Jesus Himself. And this same Peter – all mouth and bluster – is seen later in the book of Acts as being bold and fearless and a leader in the fledgling church.

“Okay,” you say, “that’s a great redemptive story. What does that have to do with me hating myself most days?”

I’d wager that after Peter denied Jesus in that courtyard, he was filled with self-loathing. He probably thought that he’d blown it, permanently.

Here’s the kicker, though. Jesus never stopped loving him.

Peter could have never done God’s work, could have never had the courage to live on, or the daring to live for Jesus without being wrapped in God’s tender love.

He didn’t need to be protected from the anger of God. God does indeed discipline, even punish, but in this case God made His redemption of Peter clear to him.

Peter didn’t need to be protected from the scorn of his enemies or the resentment of his friends. Both of these issues were likely realities for Peter, but after realizing he was forgiven, he was bulletproof from scorn and resentment. He was right with God. Everything else was  secondary.

God had to protect Peter from himself.

This is the answer to self-loathing and disappointment in yourself. It’s a matter of recognizing your standing with God Himself, who is crazy in love with you. He proved that at the Cross, and He proves it now. He wants you to turn your back on “hating yourself.” He does want you to be accountable for your actions. He doesn’t give a pass on sin. But what He does do – and this is some real comfort – is give you the opportunity to see yourself as He sees you.

You have no reason to hate yourself. God doesn’t. That’s sufficient.