Can you change? This isn’t a dumb question.

Most of us aren’t content with where we are in life. That’s not a negative statement. It’s just an acknowledgement that we could be and do better.

To move from where we are to where we’d like to be involves change. Can you change? Yes indeed.

First, however, is the mandatory reality check.

People spend billions of dollars and millions of hours trying to change themselves and usually fail.

Tony Martin? Guilty as charged.

Over the decades I’ve been sort of a student of personal development. I’ve ransacked the catalogue of Nightingale-Conant. I feel I’m on a first-name basis with Jim Rohn, Brian Tracy, Zig Ziglar, and a host of others.

These are good resources. Even excellent.

But in trying to change, in trying to answer the question for myself – “Can you change?” – the answer is, “Yes, I can, but I can easily slide back into old habits and thought patterns.”

The term, I believe, is “backsliding.” (That word is found nowhere in scripture, by the way.) In its broadest sense, it means relapsing into old bad ways.

Want to talk weight loss? Want to talk money management? How about using time wisely?

Make your own list. Can you change? “Well,” you say, “I’ve tried.”

To put an even uglier twist on things, how about your desire to change your mind set or emotions? What if you’ve found yourself in the grips of depression? Perhaps you are crippled with anxiety. Maybe regrets have you despondent.

Can you change? It seems unlikely, doesn’t it? Because you and I have tried to change before. We may have lasted a while, but the allure of the comfortable calls us back.

What an awful irony. The very thing we’re trying to escape is what we continually return to.

Now, I’d be terribly amiss if I told you I’d hit on the secret to actual life change. But I can say that, dang it, I know what will bring about change.

I’ve given this a lot of thought. Okay, actually, I’ve overthought this.

Scientists have been busy trying to find out why some people can change and others stay stuck. So if you want to renovate and renew your life, the consensus is that it is indeed possible. Can you change?

You will change if you choose to.

That’s scary news, because the ability to make choices is inherent in each of us.

I’m going to give you three simple truths.

1. Small steps work.

I’ll share further down what needs to happen in order for you to identify those small steps. Our tendency is to look at ourselves, our problems, our shortcomings, and literally freak out. It all seems so overwhelming, right?

2. Consistent effort works.

Those small steps? Consistently take them. Stay with each step until it bears fruit. If you slow down, so what? Just keep moving, and keep moving especially if you don’t see any change.

3. Group support works.

This is a hard one for me, because I simply don’t want to be a burden on anyone else. Still. You never walk alone. As you read this, there are potentially hundreds who are reading the same thing, facing the same ordeals as you. That’s one reason I started the Transformational Encouragement group on Facebook. There are hundreds of others who “get it.”

Can you change? Are you up for that?

Fact: Once you choose to change, and you follow three incredibly difficult steps I’m asking you to take, you will probably achieve what you want. You may not be “cured,” as it were, but you will have a grasp on what you need to be a different person.

Here are your three steps. You don’t have to like them.

First, accept that in order for you to change, you have to determine what it is you want to change.

Think of this as a type of goal-setting. If you don’t specifically choose what it is you want, then you’re going to stumble through life like a blind dog in a packing plant.

Choosing one thing means not choosing another. It means you have to identify what really matters to you.

Second, after choosing from among the many things you say you want and need, you have to determine which ones of those you’re actually willing to work to achieve.

Want more stability in your family? Want to be done with a destructive habit? Can you see yourself being able to constructively deal with depression and darkness? Will you confront who you really are?

Pick one issue to treat as a goal. Write it down. And ask yourself the hardest of hard questions. “Am I going to work to achieve this?”

And third, stick with it.

We’re afraid to set goals because we’re afraid. We’re afraid of committing to working a goal because we’re afraid we’ll fail. We’ve failed in the past, right? What makes this time around any different?

I don’t know what will make this time different for you. I really don’t.

Here’s what I do know in my own life (and this is my autobiography, not yours. You have to write your own.)

I have been afraid of setting a goal because reaching it would mean my life would change. Change is so often at the center of our fear.

All this simply means that you will have to determine what really matters to you.

You are responsible for your future.

You are responsible for your happiness.

But God is responsible for what happens when you’re faithful. Which is the way it should be.

If you’re willing to hide out, willing to lie to yourself about what matters, and willing to play games – you get just exactly what you deserve.

But when you quit the bad stuff, embrace your faith, obstacles will disappear and, almost magically, things will change for the best. Just watch.

Memory loss. Being a man of little memory. That’s no fun.

It’s not a bad thing, really. There are plenty of things I’d just as soon forget. Shoot, I can remember stupid things I said or did when I was in the 8th grade. Sometimes I wish for selective amnesia. Some things I’d like to forget that I can’t; other things I need to remember disappear into a blank headspace, never to be retrieved.

These are actually overstatements. Most days I’m fine (“for my age,” as the doctor points out. How very helpful.)

Still, there is something to be said about being a man of little memory (or woman.) That state can make for some dark days if you aren’t careful.

There are some things we don’t need to forget:

• We don’t need to forget where we came from. We are all products of our upbringing, for better or worse. If our upbringing was positive and peaceful, then we can use that memory to remind us that we can always return to that place. And if our upbringing was challenging (okay, it was awful), then we can use those experiences as a way to resolve that we won’t repeat the same actions or thoughts.
• We don’t need to forget where we’re going. I’m talking about goals. Most everyone has vague desires, but only a tiny percentage of people actually have measurable goals they’re striving for. People, unfortunately, can get really content with just getting by, rather than focusing on some ideal and going after it. I could testify to the joys of knowing where you need to go and how to plan to get there. Paradoxically, it’s floating around aimlessly, supposedly carefree, that causes more long-term stress than staking a claim for your future and striving for the best.
• We don’t need to forget who we are. This can fall under that “man’s search for meaning” category – it comes down to knowing that we are all “fearfully and wonderfully made.” Listen – you are unique. You are special. You are specialized. Nobody else can make the same contribution that you can. You are indispensable. This is not some kind of pop-psych mumbo-jumbo, or feel-good platitudes. Relish your individuality, but remember you are still here to make a difference.
• We don’t need to forget Who’s we are. Part of being a Westerner in general, but an American specifically, means that we are taught to be self-sufficient, to be self-made, to stand up on our own, all that. This is all virtuous, at least to a point. But for believers, we have relinquished the right to call all our own shots. That doesn’t mean that we are puppets – there’s some free will floating around there somewhere – but it does mean that we’ve been bought at a price. We’ve handed the reins of our lives over to Someone Else.

Forgetting can mean a certain loss of thankfulness.

Here’s a fun little exercise I highly recommend. Every day do this little regimine. It involves you getting a journal, composition book, or something else. If you’re a total techie, you can do this in Evernote or some other online app. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m persuaded that old school pen-t0-paper makes you more reflective, slows you down, and causes you to put a little thought into what you’re doing. Studies back this up, but just use something to make you interact with what I’m asking rather than just thinking about it.

Here’s what I need you to do. Humor me.

Every morning, before you start the day, do this (and don’t give me any hooey about not being a morning person, not having time, etc. I know better, and you do too. If I can’t get you to cooperate any other way, then I’m not adverse to using guilt as a short-term motivator!)

• Write down this question: “What three things am I grateful for this morning?“
• Answer it. If you can’t get started, at least think about the fact that you are awake, that you most likely slept indoors (unless you’re camping), that you have prospects for food today. There are people in the world that can’t even get that far.

Gratitude. Be grateful. It’ll program your mind and outlook for the day. I promise. It’ll keep you from being a man of little memory.

• Now it’s nighttime and you’re getting ready to go to bed. Pause just a minute, get out that journal, and do this:
• Answer this question: “What lessons did I learn today?” Go ahead. Write down the question. Make a little list. By “lessons” I mean what are the takeaways for the day? What did you learn about yourself? About your relationships? About your habits? These can be good or bad. (Disclaimer: There are no bad lessons. They are all teachable moments. It’s what you do [or don’t do] with them that make them bad.)
• Second question: “What were my wins?” This should be self-explanatory, but these are those daily victories, large and small. I guarantee that for at least a moment, at some point today, you did something you were proud of, something that made a difference in your life or outlook. Maybe you held the door open for someone. That counts.
• Third question: “What three things am I grateful for tonight?” Sounds familiar, but what we’re after is you bookending your day with gratitude.

Do these. Write them down. Don’t just lay in the bed and think about them. We want these engraved in your gray matter.

My challenge is do this for a week. That’s seven consecutive days. If you miss a day, reboot and start again. Seven days. At the end of those days, you are going to find yourself changed, just a little.

Think you’re a man of little memory? Or a woman of little memory? If you’ll do this, that little memory you have will grow into a bigger memory, and it’ll be memories of the good stuff.

Try it. Let me know how it goes

Be encouraged. Hopelessness is not an option!