I have COVID -19. Isn’t that something.

What was in the abstract is now an up-close and personal experience.

There is some kind of irony at work here. I wrote a course, COVID Crusher, some weeks ago. It was to encourage folks who are feeling the emotional and mental strain of COVID. Obviously, it isn’t going away anytime soon. The day the United States had it’s biggest single increase in new cases, I was one who contributed to that statistic. Now, besides the mental and emotional stress, I get to play with the physical  side of things.

Oh, joys. I have COVID.

Here’s the story.

Monday, November 10, I noticed I had a really runny nose and a bad throat tickle. I got home from work and found that I had a low-grade fever.

I’d been that route before. Sinus infection. I recognized the symptoms

Tuesday I didn’t have any fever, but my nose and throat were giving me fits. So I went to our friendly Baptist clinic and got myself checked out. Diagnosis – sinus infection. Got a nice decongestant, some antibiotics, a cough suppressant, and a Decadron shot, which typically fixes me right up.

Wednesday. I sure didn’t feel any better. I thought if I blew my nose one more time my head would implode.

We were supposed to go on a little vacation Thursday through Sunday with Amy and Stone (daughter and son-in-law) and the two wonderful grandkids, Katherine and Levi. We were headed to Gatlinburg. Mountains. Fall colors. Dollywood. Cade’s Cove. We were pumped.

I dunno what spurred me on, but I thought – “I think I’ll get a COVID test.”

I did. That swab? I thought the nurse had hit my brain stem with that thing. My eyes watered for the rest of the day.

I went on home. Word was, “Check your patient portal. Your results will show up there. If you test positive, we’ll call you.”

Fine.

I checked my patient portal. It said I’d tested positive. About the time that sunk in, I got the confirming phone call.

I have COVID.

Things got rearranged in a hurry in my mind. First was a weird mix of sorrow and gratitude. I wouldn’t get to go to Gatlinburg, but at least I wouldn’t be spreading death and corruption around.

Then, word was that I could look forward to 14 days in quarantine. I thought 10 days was traditional, but the doc that called me said, nope, we are learning we need to be really cautious.

This meant that Teresa would quarantine right along with me.

So it’s Day 3 in exile. I have no fever. No breathing problems, at least not yet. I feel perfectly wretched, though. I can’t find anything on me that doesn’t hurt. And this nose thing is driving me nuts. I wish I had stock in Kimberly-Clark.

Once my Daddy was asked, “Are you sick?” His was a typical Bill Martin response: “I sure hope I’m sick. I’d hate to feel like this and be well.”

I get that. I have COVID.

I got to thinking, too, about the numbers. The odds are really good that most folks wont get it. And the odds are even better that if you get it, you’ll survive. Most people recover at home.

Still, I knew five people that died in the span of a week.

I’ve also been thinking about the mask thing. I’m gonna drive down a stake right here.

Wear a mask.

I don’t know where I got COVID. It didn’t just spontaneously happen. I got it from another human.

Did said human know they had it? Did they flippantly go about their daily business like nothing was going on? Did they think the pandemic was all overblown, or some kind of government manipulation to strike fear in our collective hearts for some nefarious purpose? In their minds, is it all political?

Maybe to some degree. Regardless, I have COVID. I got it from someone. I don’t blame them if they were doing the best they could.

But just because something seems right to an individual doesn’t mean it’s right in reality.

History isn’t going to look kindly at how we managed this pandemic.

I have plenty of theories, but if you’re mind’s already made up, I’m not going to frustrate both of us by airing it all out.

So what does this all mean? Since I have COVID, what is God teaching me?

Here’s ten thoughts.

1. Could God have kept me from getting sick? I mean after all, I’ve been wearing a mask, washing my hands until bone shows, social distancing, all that. Did He mess up with me? Uh, no. Duh.
2. He could have kept me healthy. Actually, with just a word, He could absolutely end this pandemic. Boom. Ka-POW!
3. Which raises a question: Why doesn’t He?
4. Answer to #3? I don’t know. He does.
5. Does He want us to live in fear, cowering behind closed doors, sequestering ourselves in our sterile homes?
6. Answer to #5. No, He doesn’t want us to live in fear. “Fear not.” That’s kind of a mandate.
7. Comment on #6: There is a huge difference in being afraid and being prudent and wise. And considerate. Don’t forget considerate. I’m not going to consciously expose myself to a radiation leak from a nuclear reactor, for instance. (Yeah, that ‘s a tortured analogy.) Is that living in fear? Nope. That’s just smart.
8. God wants us to live our lives to the fullest. We are promised divine protection. But what does that look like?
9. Regarding #8: He protects us. But He doesn’t want us to be idiots just to make some kind of point.
10. Just be wise. Don’t let your default position be something like, “I am losing my freedoms. The Deep State is out to get me. It’s all a conspiracy by the Illuminati.” You get my point.

Once more, just to belabor the obvious:

I have COVID-19. But God’s got me.

I’d really like to get to hear what you have to say regarding this blog post. Comments are welcome!

(And by the way. That lovely self portrait you see is me out at our little RV, enjoying some fresh air and sunshine. See how happy I am?)

I’d like to share my “why” with you. Specifically, it’s my why as it relates to my newly-launched course, COVID Crusher.

I wanted to offer a way to get some clear and actionable training on how to be freed from the emotional and mental burden of COVID-19 in five days.

Part of my motivation was that I didn’t want people to have to worry about the burden of uncertainty the pandemic has brought about.

I wanted to provide the tools necessary to move past the discomfort and hard questions and move into a much better state of mind and heart.

“So, Tony,” you say, “If you’re so anxious to get this in the right hands, why don’t you just share it? I mean, you’re charging for it. Why?”

I am indeed, and it’s simply because there are development and hosting fees I have to pay to make it available in the format I’m presenting. (I’d add that teachable.com absolutely ROCKS.)

So there’s that. And since you’re such a faithful reader, I wanted you to know that. People who say they aren’t concerned about money will lie about other things too! (That’s humor, btw.)

For me, this isn’t a political issue, or even a physical health issue. What concerns me greatly is the mental and emotional toll it’s taking on people. Here’s a word from Johns Hopkins psychologist George S. Everly Jr.:

Every disaster brings psychological casualties that far outnumber physical ones. Common reactions include depression, grief, guilt, generalized anxiety and post-traumatic stress.

With regard to this pandemic, we’re seeing all of these things. If that weren’t enough, many people have lost their jobs, and they may have preexisting psychological problems. There could be an uptick in physical, emotional and sexual abuse, causing more angst.

That’s what put me over the proverbial edge. I felt compelled to do something, even if it was wrong. That’s part of my “why.”

Here’s what it isn’t.

 This is not a physical cure for COVID – 19. Duh.

●     It isn’t medically-based. That’s the job of medical professionals. That ain’t me.

●     This is not a politically-motivated program. It’s as far from that as it could possibly be.

●     It isn’t some conspiracy theory insider piece. (I don’t want to offend you if you’re into conspiracy theories – some folks love ‘em. I’d just say that you won’t find anything in this dealing with implanted microchips, the Illuminati, or alien DNA.)

Here’s what it is.

●     It’s a guided course of study. It’s accessible and understandable to anyone from, say, 13 years old and up. Parents, take note.

●     It is designed to bring life transformation. You won’t be the same after you complete it.

●     It is written to get you results in five days. You can take as much time as you need, but for optimal results you should do one lesson at a time, daily

●     It is applicable to not only the pandemic, but to any other life challenges you may be facing. The principles I share are universal and transferable.

●     It is a set of tools that will help you meet your needs for peace, comfort, and hope even when it seems the world is in flames.

That’s my why. And if you are curious and want to know more, you can check it out right here.

Be blessed.

Have you ever said that? “What difference does it make?”

I have. And the extension of that thought is even darker: “What difference do I make?”

Many of us, I’ll wager, would like to make an impact on the world around us. To leave a mark, as it were.

There’s something comforting about living a life well-lived. It doesn’t matter if we occupied a prominent position on the world stage. (That doesn’t even appeal to me. If I felt like I was being faithful to my call, then I was perfectly fine in serving in obscurity.)

The worst fear is that I made no difference. Lord knows that isn’t an ego thing. I’d just like to know that, somewhere along the way, I made a difference in someone’s life. A good difference. It’s pretty easy to make a bad difference.

So what’s up with my sudden burst of introspection? Scoot your chair in close, kids. I’ll tell you.

I’ve been in vocational ministry for decades. Most of those years were spent with teenagers. Hundreds, if not 1000+ kids, were a part of a communal journey.

If I simply played numerical odds, then there was at least one of those kids I, by God’s grace, made a difference with.

So here I am today, not serving vocationally in a local church, but serving my denomination and, in a broader and more accurate sense, the Kingdom of God.

What does that even look like? What difference does it make?

I’m not completely sure, but in recent days, weeks, even months, I’ve tried to heed a call.

This blog is part of that. I want what I share to be transformationally encouraging. But I have been feeling for a while there’s more, maybe even much more, for me to do.

I’m about to get real. “Don’t go there,” you say. Well, tough noogies. I’m wanting to make a difference.

It seems like the natural order of things is unraveling before our eyes. I haven’t talked to anyone in my admittedly small circle who think everything is just fine.

It’s a 2020 deal, for sure. I could offer a litany of what’s happened in the last nine months. Foremost, of course, is COVID-19 (which we just found out today President Trump and others in his circle have tested positive for. For those of you who aren’t United States citizens, this may be cause for eye-rolling. Bear with me.)

That pandemic thing? Did any of us believe it’d still be such a huge issue? To my mind, it’s impacted every element of society. I’ve seen plenty of clever memes about 2020, and I embrace that, since humor, even twisted humor, is a defense mechanism for me.

Still, as I’ve stated before, none of us are exempt from the virus’ impact. It has its nasty tendrils into so many areas of our lives. About the time I think we’re turning some significant corner, there’s a vile setback. It is unequivocally wearing us down.

You doing okay? And if you’re cruising along, happy as a tornado in a trailer park, you are so so blessed. I’ll bet you have friends and family who aren’t doing so hot.

Coming back around to my “what difference does it make” statement, I got to wondering – if folks are hurting, and struggling, and asking hard questions to a seemingly silent universe, what are they to do? Specifically, is there anything I, Michael Anthony Martin, can do to be an encourager?

Here are some of the questions I’ve asked – and, again, by God’s grace and His sovereign gifting, some questions I’ve been able to answer:

● What if you didn’t have to struggle with the emotional roller coaster you’re riding?

● What if your feelings – which can drag you all over the landscape – were kept in check, or channeled to make a positive difference?

● What if you could make significant progress toward peace and security in five days?

● What if you learned transformational skills and tactics that not only will take you through these challenges of the pandemic but will also serve you in years to come?

I’ll share more later. God is so good. When the question comes to my mind, “What difference does it make?”, then, by golly, I have identified a difference that can be made.

Stay tuned.

Be blessed.

I guess “playing the odds” is a gambling term, although it can be applied to many different situations.

In most card games, you can figure out your chances of winning or losing based on cold, hard statistics (the odds). But people often give in to a gut feeling and bet money on an irrational hunch, such as “I’ve been losing all night, so I’m bound to win big soon”, rather than on statistics. If you believe in your cards, you may win against the odds, but more than likely you’ll lose. But hey, that’s why they call it gambling.

(And no, I don’t gamble, at least in the poker/casino/gaming sense. My Baptist sensibilities, y’know.)

Playing the odds, in my blog’s context, means more. It’s figuring out what is an assumable risk.

So let me share my cancer diagnosis with you.

I’m a cancer survivor. Actually, that’s a little overblown. While I did have a malignancy, there never was much of a chance that it would kill me, or even really make me sick.

Still. The “C” word gets your attention, doesn’t it?

A couple of years ago I went to my friendly neighborhood urologist for routine maintenance. I’m prone to kidney stones, and it was time for that periodic scan to make sure I wasn’t making any of those nasty things, and if I was, what, if anything needed to be done.

(Conventional wisdom in the world of urology states that if you have a kidney stone, it’s best to pass it naturally. That’s akin to natural childbirth, I suppose. It’s like taking your bottom lip, stretching it over the top of your head, and touching the back of your neck with it. No fun.)

I was subjected to an ultrasound. Painless, although the technician tends to tickle when she puts that cold slime on you.

She told me “I see a stone, but Dr. Adams will talk more about it with you.”

Fine.

I retreat to the exam room. Dr. Adams comes in. He’s holding the photographs of the scan.

”I’m not sure what I’m looking at here,” he said.

That’s what you want to hear from your doctor, right?

Short version: He sent me on to get a CT scan, and it confirmed what he thought it was. It was a renal cell carcinoma about the size of a pea.

Dr. Adams was pretty nonchalant. “It’s a slow-growing tumor. We’ll remove it surgically. See you in three months.”

And I’m like, “Excuse me. You can meet me back up here tonight. I want this thing gone.”

He then proceeded to tell me all about the cancer, the diagnosis, the treatment, and persuaded me that there genuinely wasn’t any rush.

We split the difference. I had surgery to remove those rebellious cells about a month later. It wasn’t a big deal, really. I still have that kidney, minus a chunk of tissue and tumor. That was it. One and done. No chemo or radiation.

While all this was going on, I made the awful error of self-diagnosis. Your Uncle Tony counsels you to stay the heck away from WebMD. It doesn’t matter if its an ingrown toenail or chronic dandruff. WebMD will tell you you’re gonna die from it.

According to them, the recovery rate from renal cell carcinoma is better than 95%. By playing the odds, evidence was that I should be fine.

And I have been.

Now, it’s 2020, and we’re still in the throes of COVID-19. Here, again, we’re playing the odds.

You can Google the latest stats, if you’re so inclined. As of this moment, out of the US population of 331 million, there have been 5.76 million confirmed cases. It has a 0.02% mortality rate.

That’s not very many. But those 5.76 million represent living souls who didn’t make the majority cut.

So there’s an outside chance you could get infected. What does that mean?

For me, I’m just being diligent. I’m wearing a mask. I social distance. I wash my hands so much I expect to be showing bone any day now.

There aren’t any any freedoms I’ve lost. It can be dark out there, but I don’t think I’m on some slippery slope toward some grim dystopian nightmare.

But, since you’ve hung in this far, I’ll reveal my true agenda, and it has nothing to do with The Virus.

Our hope is not in the odds. Our hope is in God Himself.

Ancient script says this. It’s from Job 19:

²⁵ I know that my redeemer^[a]lives,
and that in the end he will stand on the earth.^[b]
26 And after my skin has been destroyed,
yet^[c] in^[d] my flesh I will see God.

If you are sick – cancer, COVID, the mumps, what have you – doctors can’t assure you 100% recovery. And this – even God doesn’t promise that, at least in the temporal world. He does promise that we will see  Him. It’s not about playing the odds.

If you’re a believer, and you heart stops … your brain activity ceases … and you draw your last earthly breath, know what? You’re still alive.

Absent from the body. Present with the Lord.

This is a staggering promise.

If you distill this down to its very essence, what this translates to is: No Fear.

If you’re predisposed toward worry and fret, I get it. To be told to “not fear” is almost an impossibility.

I don’t know how to tell  you to fix that. I think it’s basically a matter of drawing as close to God as you can until He crowds out everything else in your vision.

Playing the odds? Not necessary. God is in your favor. Embrace that.

Tony’s Question: What is the most comforting thought you’ve had since the pandemic struck? Share your thoughts below.

Nope, to guard your heart isn’t a word from your cardiologist about heart attacks. It’s when your heart is attacked – or, more accurately, when your heart is hardened.

In these days I’ve offered unsolicited counsel to folks, whether they asked for it or not.

“Guard your heart.”

This should be self-evident. I have not lived in a more contentious time ever. We are hammered daily by apocalyptic news. That pandemic thing? It’s ain’t going away anytime soon. I mean, there’s this absurd debate over masks. Masks. Think about that.

We are a world on edge.

Because of that, there’s evidence that we need to guard our hearts because our hearts are being devalued. When we have had all that we think we can take, then our hearts become hard.

What got me all stirred up about this was a passage that turned up in my devotional reading a few days ago.

It’s from Exodus 11 and other nearby verses. You know the story of the Egyptian plagues. God visited plagues on Pharaoh and the Egyptians because they wouldn’t heed Moses’ plea to “let my people go.”

It didn’t go well for Egypt. And the big theological question is, “Does God harden some people’s hearts?”

Here’s this:

Exodus 11:10

¹⁰ Moses and Aaron performed all these wonders before Pharaoh, but the Lord hardened Pharaoh’s heart, and he would not let the Israelites go out of his country.

I don’t know how deep I want to get into this, because I’m not the theologian I’d like to be. If the issue is for me to harden my heart, is that something I do or that God does? And why?

Sometimes it seems that God treats people differently.

You can see this in all of Chapter 11 (and for context, it’s worth reading in surrounding passages about the whole Jewish deliverance and exodus from Egypt.) It seems that the Egyptian people thought pretty highly of Moses and the Israelites (verse 3.) At the same time, God hardens Pharaoh’s heart.

At first glance, that seems really contradictory.

Could God harden your heart?

In the interest of “keeping it real,” we have to acknowledge that, yep, there are two different issues in play.

(Note: We ain’t gonna get into a debate about God’s sovereignty and human freedom. I’ll meet you in your dorm room after classes if you want to toss that around. Chances are, though, since this has been a debate for centuries among some very wise people, we probably won’t solve it.)

At any rate, just looking at the narrative, the question is still out there: Why is there a difference?

Guess what. Only God knows. I mean, ancient script says that God has mercy on whom He wants to have mercy, and He hardens whom He wants to harden. Think about that too long, pilgrim, and you’ll be up all night.  For the time being, just roll with it.

If we can bring this down to a human (read – comprehensible) level, there are a couple of factors to note. One, Pharaoh saw the Jews as free labor. Pharaoh was so egocentric and ambitious, he had the Israelites as a bunch of tools. He needed them for his big plans to come about.

But the Egyptians themselves seemed more sympathetic.

What does all this have to do if you harden your heart?

In these dark, convoluted days, it may be that your heart has grown hard. You’ve simply had it with people, opinions, debate, ignorance, all that.  You haven’t done a great job of guarding your heart. It’s gotten callous and hard.

Where do your feelings come from, anyway?

There may be genetics in play here. Environmental issues. Something chemical in the brain. The list could go on. Are at we at the mercy of our feelings and emotions? Do we choose how we should feel? Yikes.

This: in spite of differences in upbringing, biology, sociology, and other factors, there is one universal. It’s sin.

Sin, to some degree, impacts every part of our lives, and every part of everyone else’s lives. Harden your heart? Maybe sin factors into that, too.

Back to God’s sovereignty – here’s something not up for debate – God controls the universe. If there were one renegade molecule out there that He didn’t control, He’d self-destruct. He wouldn’t be God anymore. Staggering.

Which means: God controls pandemics. He controls all of nature. He is always active in the affairs of mankind.

So, how does God’s control impact you and me personally? Is how we respond to this current crisis dictated by Him? Do you think you’ll harden your heart or is that something God will do “to” you? How do you guard your heart anyway?

Here’s the age-old tension. If we’re free to choose our attitudes, mindset, values, and all the rest, that seems to diminish God’s authority. If, on the other hand (and there is another hand to consider), God causes us to harden our hearts, it makes God seem unfair. It could even seem that God is bringing about events and attitudes that are contrary to who He is.

Again, this is some deep stuff right here, and you’ll just have to hammer it out in a way that God leads you to understand.

All this is pretty ethereal. Let’s go practical here.

This blog today is about guarding your heart to the extent that it doesn’t get hard. God is completely good in His actions. Always and forever.

• Latch onto that.
• Trust Him. He will never, ever lead you astray.
• Work and live in a way that pleases Him.
• Could how you conduct yourself in a crisis be an act of worship? I think so.
• God understands things you simply can’t. Make a list of questions you’d like Him to answer for you when you get to heaven, and set it aside. He’s not obligated to inform you right now (book of Job, baby!)
• In light of that last statement, God is not going to call on you to deal with the issues that only He understands.
• Guard your heart. Don’t purposefully harden your heart.
• It’s going to be okay. It always is.

Be blessed.

Tony’s Question: What is one concrete, measurable step you can take to guard your heart? Share your thoughts with us in the space below. You may just encourage someone!

PS: I’ve been added as a member of Bible Gateway’s Blogger Grid. Bible Gateway is my go-to source for scripture quotations and Bible translations Bible Gateway, the searchable and shareable Bible with more than 200 versions and more than 70 languages. It features news about the Bible, interviews with authors about their Bible-focused books, and the latest announcements from Bible Gateway. It’s the best place to stay current with Bible-related developments. They’ve done some tweaking and updates to their site, and it’s just stellar. I recommend them highly. Check it out. You’re welcome.

#BibleGatewayPartner

Here’s a link to take you there. There’s also a link on my home page.

Have you lost your mind? That’s something my mama would have said to me when I did something really stupid.

These days, though, I get the sense that there are a lot of people around me who’ve lost their minds. Hang out on social media for a while and you’ll see what I mean.

Unless you’ve been on Neptune the last few months, you know that we are living in an upside-down world. There’s lots going on in culture, for sure. There’s the pandemic, of course, which may end up being the defining event of our lifetimes … mine, anyway. Dealing with COVID-19 has caused many folks to lose their minds. Literally.

Have you lost your mind because of the ‘rona?

What has left me slack-jawed and perturbed is how this whole thing has been politicized. Of all the times we don’t need an “us vs. them” mindset, this should be one. Instead, it’s utterly polarized.

And it’s primarily over masks. Oh, Lawdy.

I should come clean and tell you that, yes, I routinely wear my mask. It’s just not that big of a deal. I do it not so much because I’m afraid of getting sick – the odds are really, really, really in my favor that I’ll do just fine. It just seems to be a simple courtesy I can do.

The non-mask wearers might think I’ve lost my mind. I’m one of the sheeple, y’know.

The thing about sheeple is that they’re identified by their supposed blind belief in something, someone, whatever. However … not many folks self-identify as a sheep. It’s always the other folks, those that don’t see things their way. Mask wearers and non-mask wearers can both be considered sheep under that criteria.

There may have been a time when I tried to reason with folks that didn’t see things the way I did. It wasn’t so much my desire to convert them (although that wouldn’t be all bad, since I’m typically right most of the time*), but rather to simply state my case, based on beliefs and facts as I’d discovered them. Then I would simply let them digest what I’d shared.

I’ve lost my mind trying to do that.

Here’s what I’ve discovered. Maybe this will help you deal with those difficult people (family? Friends?) who’ve lost their minds.

Reason doesn’t work.

Don’t try to reason. You’ll get the same results by going out in the street and banging your head on asphalt.

Silly me. I thought that most everyone I came in contact with was a “rational actor.” My assumption was that the other side was acting with reason, but with their own selfish motives. And if I could appeal to their motives and make them feel like their arguments were carrying the day, we’d all be fine. I’d destroy them with searing logic and they wouldn’t even know what happened.

Here’s truth, and I’m guessing it’s true of you and me both. Balk if you will.

I am neither totally rational or totally selfish. My desires are anything but stable. You are the same way.

I ran across a term that helped me get my head wrapped around this: “Cognitive bias.” Basically, that means that your worldview is based on unconscious and irrational thoughts most of the time. This is in the realm of pure emotion. And this bias literally distorts the way we see the world.

You understand this, of course, because you’ve been there. You’ve lost your temper. You’ve said things that seemed right and made you feel good at the time, and later realized you’d engaged your mouth way too early. Impulsive decisions? Can I get an amen?

You and I have two systems of thought. The Bible calls this being “double-minded.” There’s that part of our brain that is emotional, instinctive, and moves at the speed of light. Then there’s the other part, which is our slow, logical, reasonable mind.

We’d all like to think that we are rational, mature, deliberate, more-or-less sane people. But we’ve lost our minds, and those around us have, too.

Know why? It’s because that first kind of mind –  the emotional and instinctive one – guides and influences that second kind.

That’s why social media is such a lousy venue to be a persuader. By it’s nature it’s emotional, visceral, and “facts” are often anything but.

I’ve watched friends online spout what I thought was utter, even dangerous, nonsense. It’s all I can do to keep from setting them straight. I could offer a reasoned response. I COULD HOLLER IN ALL CAPS. Or I could call them names – that’s pretty popular.

I don’t know that there’s even a worldly solution to our collective loss of minds.

One strategy is simply learning to scroll past the things that cause you to lose your mind. I’ve typed out essay-length responses, only to delete them after getting ahold of myself.

Another would be simply to make this comment: “I see what you mean.” Or, it’s companion: “You may be right.” Then call it a day.

There is a divine solution to this “have you lost your mind” dilemma.

Here’s ancient script, Romans 12:2. It’s pretty familiar:

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Here’s what’s going to have to happen. We have to have our minds and hearts renovated.

You can try to do it on your own, but you’ll end up uberfrustrated. Fixing yourself is not easy – it’s pretty impossible.

It comes from yielding your will to God’s. We don’t like that; we’d prefer to think we’re calling all the shots. Lemme know how that works out for you.

You aren’t going to change anyone’s mind. They’ve lost their minds as you often have, and God Himself is in the business of helping us find our minds again.

Does that mean that a right relationship with God will determine whether we wear masks or not? (There’s a baited question, isn’t it!)

Beats me. I have an opinion. But moving beyond the ‘rona and thinking about life overall, just remember: God is in the business of finding lost things, be it a sheep, a coin, or a wayward son.

Have you lost your mind? In Him, you can find it.

Be well.

* (that was a joke. You know, humor.)

Tony’s question: How would you know if you’ve lost your mind? Are there signals you’d watch for? Comment below, and as always, share this blog on social media and with friends and family.

This is just for fun. I’d love to give proper credit. I don’t know who wrote this, but, they summed it up perfectly.

Dear Diary 2020 Edition,

In January, Australia caught on fire. I don’t even know if that fire was put out, because we straight up almost went to war with Iran. We might actually still be almost at war with them. I don’t know, because Jen Aniston and Brad Pitt spoke to one another at an awards show and everyone flipped out, but then there was this thing happening in China, then Prince Harry and Megan peaced out of the Royal family, and there was the whole impeachment trial, and then coronavirus showed up in the US “officially,” but then Kobe died and UK peaced out of the European Union.

In February, Iowa broke down with the caucus results and the president was acquitted and the Speaker of the House took ten years to rip up a speech, but then WHO decided to give this virus a name COVID-19, which confused some really important people in charge of, like, our lives, into thinking there were 18 other versions before it, but then Harvey Weinstein was found guilty, and Americans started asking if Corona beer was safe to drink, and then everyone on Facebook became a doctor who just knew the flu like killed way more people than COVID 1 through 18.

In March, everything hit the fan. Warren dropped out of the presidential race and Sanders was like Bernie or bust, but then Italy shut its entire self down, and then COVID Not 1 through 18 officially became what everyone already realized, a pandemic, and then a nationwide state of emergency was declared in the US, but it didn’t really change anything, so everyone was confused or thought it was still just a flu, but then COVID Not 18 was like y’all not taking me seriously? I’m gonna infect the one celebrity everyone loves and totally infected Tom Hanks, but then the DOW took a plummet, and most of us still don’t understand why the stock market is so important or even a thing (I still don’t), but then we were all introduced to Tiger King. (Carol totally killed her husband), and Netflix was like you’re welcome, and we all realized there was no way we were washing our hands enough in the first place because all of our hands are now dry and gross.

In April, Bernie finally busted himself out of the presidential race, but then NYC became the set of The Walking Dead and we learned that no one has face masks, ventilators, or toilet paper, or THE FREAKING SWIFFER WET JET LIQUID, but then Kim Jong-Un died, but then he came back to life… or did he? Who knows, because then the Pentagon released videos of UFOs and nobody cared, and we were like man, it’s only April….

In May, the Biblical end times kicked off historical locust swarms and then we learned of murder hornets and realized that 2020 was the start of the Hunger Games but people forgot to let us know, but then people legit protested lockdown measures with AR-15s, and then sports events were cancelled everywhere. But then people all over America finally reached a breaking point with race issues and violence. There were protests in every city, but then people forgot about the pandemic called COVID Not One Through 18. Media struggled with how to focus on two important things at once, but then people in general struggled to focus on more than one important thing, and a dead whale was found in the middle of the Amazon rain forest after monkeys stole COVID 1 Through 19 from a lab and ran off with them, and either in May or April (no one is keeping track of time now) that a giant asteroid narrowly missed Earth.

In June, science and common sense just got thrown straight out the window and somehow wearing masks became a political thing, but then a whole lot of people realized the south was actually the most unpatriotic thing ever and actually lost the civil war, and there are a large amount of people who feel that statues they don’t even know the name of are needed for … history reasons, or to be removed, whatever…but then everyone sort of remembered there was a pandemic, but then decided that not wearing a mask was somehow a God given right, but then scientists announced they found a mysterious undiscovered mass at the center of the earth, and everyone was like DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH IT, but then everyone took a pause to realize that people actually believed Gone With The Wind was like non-fiction, but then it was also announced that there is a strange radio signal coming from somewhere in the universe that repeats itself every so many days, and everyone was like DON’T YOU DARE ATTEMPT TO COMMUNICATE WITH IT, but then America reopened from the shut down that actually wasn’t even a shut down, and so far, things have gone spectacularly not that great, but everyone is on Facebook arguing that masks kill because no one knows how breathing works, but then Florida was like hold my beer and let me show you how we’re number one in all things, including new Not Corona Beer Corona Virus.

Trump decides now is a good time to ask the Supreme Court to shut down Obama Care, but then we learned there was a massive dust cloud coming straight at us from the Sahara Desert, which is totally normal, but this is 2020, so the ghost mummy thing is most likely in that dust cloud, but then I learned of meth-gators, and I’m like that is so not on my 2020 Bingo card, but then we learned that the Congo’s worst ever Ebola outbreak is over, and we were all like, there was an Ebola outbreak that was the worst ever?

In July…. Aliens? Zeus? Asteroids? Artificial Intelligence becomes self-aware?

“Why me?” Have you ever asked that?

I have, and I’ll bet you have too. I don’t think it’s because any of us feel entitled, but it is a natural response when things are piling up on us.

Why me? It’s a hard question. I’ve prayed plenty of prayers that started out with “Why…?”

Several years ago I was serving a church in Florida. In a sister church in town, a young couple were in a car accident. The husband had a significant brain injury and was in a coma. His wife died on the scene. So when this man came out of the coma, he awoke to learn that he was a widower with two preschool children.

That seems horrifically unfair. His statement was simple, according to the youth minister at the church: “Why me?”

That’s a basic, primal question.

You may think about this story and think, “That’s not all that bad compared to what I’ve faced in my life.” Perhaps. It’s hard to be objective when you’re the one that’s hurting. We do tend to judge our troubles on a scale when comparing ourselves to others.

Here’s the fact, though: In this life, you’re going to have challenges and pain. It comes with having a pulse. Your response might be to ask, “Why me?”

I’d encourage you not to feel bad about asking that. It doesn’t mean you’re weak or unspiritual. It just means you want answers.

Here’s a scriptural reality check:

• Yet man is born to trouble as surely as sparks fly upward.  – Job 5:7
• Anyone born of woman is short of days and full of trouble. – Job 14:1
• For all his days are filled with grief, and his occupation is sorrowful; even at night, his mind does not rest. This too is futile. – Ecclesiastes 2:23
• Why did I come out of the womb to see only struggle and sorrow, to end my life in shame? – Jeremiah 20:18

I could go on, but I don’t need to. These are honest statements that could easily lead to a “why me?”

There is a companion thought, and this won’t win me any popularity contests: “Why not me?”

If problems and heartbreak are part of the human condition, then “why not me?” is an equally valid question, even if it’s unpleasant to think about.

Whatever grief you’re facing, you aren’t unique. You aren’t singled out.

You may be familiar with my testimony of recent months: floods, surgeries, cancer, brain injury, murder, have all been part of my story. And this isn’t a plea for sympathy, or me using this platform to play on your emotions. My story is your story. We all have troubles. It’s universal, right? And Lord knows there are plenty of universal troubles to go around these days.

I can  ask “Why not me?” knowing that I’m not special. I am not alone.

There isn’t any inherent comfort there. So I have to dig a little deeper. If I want to be truly thankful, there are a few more layers to peel back.

I’ve come to realize there is a natural progression for me. Maybe all of us, if we’d just take time to evaluate things.

I’m about to go all scriptural on you, because that’s all I have. It’s also all I need.

Check this out:

Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in everything; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:16 – 18.

There is an obvious truth in these verses. The command is not to be thankful for everything (how could you be thankful for the death of a child, for instance?), but rather to give thanks in everything. There is quite the difference.

It’s a matter of recognizing that we gratefully acknowledge God’s hand in all circumstances. Circumstances change, but God does not.

The challenge is for us to remain aware of God’s goodness regardless of what things seem to be on the surface.

I don’t have to tell you that’s not easy, especially when our emotions have gripped us and our feelings are all over the map.

Part of it is just realizing there is a lot going on around us that we’ll never be aware of. That’s where the “why me?” comes in. Maybe part of it simply means that we are to be open to God in all situations and recognize that not only is He aware of what we’re facing, but that He already knows the outcome.

We can, then, ask “why me” but we also understand He’s under no obligation to answer. I’m guessing that has something to do with faith and free will.

There’s a third step, then. Here’s the progression:

• Why me?
• Why not me?
• Why me?

That third “why me?” There are some sweet promises in that one.

Here’s a hypothetical:

Say a man loses his beloved wife. He asks, “Why me?”

Then he comes to realize that people lose loved ones. All the time. There is nothing unique in his loss, even as much as it hurts. He comes to be able to sincerely say “Why not me?”

As time goes on, he grows into acceptance that he wasn’t picked out of the crowd by the hand of a capricious God Who delights in inflicting pain. He realizes that death is part of living.

The result is that he is able to identify and empathize with others going through similar challenges. He’s able to touch lives that otherwise he never could have – it’s a matter of “been there, done that.” He realizes that things happen not only for his growth and maturity, but so that he can minister in God’s name to others.

The result? He realizes that he’s supernaturally blessed. Now he can say, “Why me?” He realizes that triumph has grown from tragedy, and he has a cause greater than himself. He can’t believe how fortunate he is to serve.

This is an idealized scenario, perhaps. “I could never be so accepting of my loss,” you say.

I don’t have an answer for you. You know yourself and your heart.

My point is simply we do have so, so much to be grateful for.

Why me, indeed:

• I woke up this morning in a warm bed.
• Breakfast was simple and good.
• My car started.
• I don’t have COVID-19, as far as I know.
• I have a job.

I could go on, and belabor the obvious, but we can all rightfully say “Why me? Why do I have so much and why am I so blessed? Why is there always hope? Why was I given another day here?”

It’s because you ain’t done here yet.

O be joyful.

I want to share 4 hard facts for believers. This is against the backdrop of COVID-19. And, yes, I’m sick of having it brought up, too.

Still, this is what’s on my mind, and that’s what a blog is for, right?

4 Hard Facts

1 – Don’t act like God has fumbled the ball on COVID-19.

It’s not your responsibility to recover His fumble. He didn’t fumble. It seems that we feel that we need to be assistants to the Holy Spirit.

We fret. As if that would help. We may even cross the line over into obsessions. If the state of things occupies most of your waking thoughts, that doesn’t impress me as healthy. Of course, I’d never be guilty of that.

We research to find items that support what we’ve already chosen to believe. If your mind is already made up about some crazy-sauce conspiracy, then the tendency is to find “experts” out there who agree with you. It kinda makes you feel validated, or something like that.

If you spend a lot of time trying to figure out what’s “really” going on, then maybe you need to take up another hobby to occupy your mind … that is, unless you get warm fuzzies from worrying.

If you, as a Christian, believe “God’s got this,” then act like it.

2 – Guard your heart.

Don’t let things into it that corrupt your soul and mind. That’s more deadly than any virus. Try a news fast for a while. I’m not saying that you need to be ill-informed or uninformed. What I am saying is that if you evaluate your intake of news, how much of it is anything you can personally act upon? Don’t pay any attention to things you can’t do anything about. We can’t do anything about what’s already happened – there’s lots of blame to go around – but we can take steps to see it doesn’t happen again. You probably don’t know anyone in Wuhan, China. Don’t make yourself crazy exploring conspiracies.

3 – Be joyful.

This isn’t the same as being happy or content, of course. Joy is divine – happiness and contentment is temporal. If you aren’t joyful, it’s totally your own fault. God gives joy. If you aren’t joyful, then you are ignoring God’s grace and mercy. That is not a good plan. These are hard facts.

4 – Do NOT personalize this pandemic.

Are you ever struck while treading through social media just how selfish people can be? COVID-19 is not just about you. It never has been. We like to say “We’re all in this together.” That’s true, to a point. We are all citizens of the world. I had this fantasy about all of mankind presenting a united front against a common foe.

Maybe I forgot to factor in the fallen state of man. I don’t see a whole lot of support and affirmation among those who are of different minds as we navigate these waters. It’s like people have chosen camps and have retreated behind their barricades. The result? “If you don’t believe the same as I do regarding the pandemic, then not only are you wrong. You’re stupid.” (And if I hear the word “sheeple” one more time, I’m gonna throw up.)

So if you’re guilty of making this personal, as if the virus and all that goes with it is directed at you, you need to fix that. Other folks, other believers may not see things the same way as you do. A helpful exercise might be to stand in front of a mirror and say, “You know, I could be wrong.”

These are the hard facts of life in these days. I have spoken. Be blessed!

It’s complicated, isn’t it? I mean, life and everything these days.

Here’s my testimony from last week. It’s quite personal.

I like to share my blog with you Dear Pilgrims twice a week, preferably on Tuesdays and Fridays. (Those are our garbage pickup days. I don’t think there’s a connection. Maybe there is.)

Last week I blogged once, on some random day. I basically couldn’t do any more than that.

Why? Like I said, it’s complicated.

Some background … if you’ve been reading my stuff for the last year or so, you’re aware of my brain injury, that whole post-concussion syndrome ordeal. If you want any background to understand this context, you can read it here. (Scroll to the bottom of the page.)

I haven’t been afraid of CORONA-19, or at least of catching it. I simply play the odds: numerically, the odds are small to the extreme I’ll get it (or any of us would), and the odds of it being fatal are even smaller.

Nevertheless, I’ve stayed in. I’m still not real comfortable going out. I’ve worn a mask in public. (Non-mask wearers tend to glare at those of us who do. Whatever.)

Still, last week I was absolutely paralyzed by anxiety and depressions.

Why? Like I said, it’s complicated.

On the spectrum between “Everything is fine” and “I can’t cope,” I don’t know where you find yourself these days. Can I suggest something? Don’t be adverse to admitting where you are, at least to yourself.

So here’s your Uncle Tony, wrapped in the toxic embrace of the worst funk imaginable. I did my day job with excellence. I kept up my personal quiet time and devotional, and that was a sweet retreat.

Still. I was experiencing a low that extension ladders wouldn’t help me get out of.

I didn’t think it was improper to ask, “Why, Lord? What’s going on here?”

Again, the answer … “It’s complicated.”

I’m happy to report that most of that is in the rear-view mirror. (As I type this, I’m dealing with a migraine, which has also been a byproduct of my injury. I’ll wrap this and take my really good meds.)

I’ve tried to come up with an explanation. I hope this is universal enough to encourage you, too.

1. These are unprecedented times for all of us. You are not alone in feeling and experiencing the things you do, but that doesn’t mean it’s any easier.
2. Some plans and aspirations you may have had are now on perpetual hold, and there really isn’t anything you can change about that. What you can change, however, is your heart toward them. Act, and your feelings will catch up later.
3. You’ve lost something through all this. Loss, especially involuntary loss, is not pleasant.
4. You wonder what the “new normal” will look like, and perhaps you’re anxious about that.
5. Give yourself permission to have a meltdown. That can be cathartic. It’s your soul’s way of admitting that you feel helpless.

Remember, feelings are the great betrayers. And I don’t think you can compartmentalize them. They impact every niche of your life.

So what are we to do? It’s complicated.

Or is it?

It’s basic. That doesn’t mean it’s not hard. But you can be in a better place.

1. Acknowledge the reality of where you are. In my case, my free-floating anxiety and morbid depression were legitimate feelings. But I know that those feelings are transitory, and that they would pass.
2. Move yourself into a place where rational thinking can take hold. That may mean a news fast, for instance. That 24 hour news cycle can take a toll on you.
3. Social media is really toxic these days. Avoid it, or at least avoid things that will corrupt your soul.
4. Don’t run from your problems. Face them head-on. Embrace them. That sounds counter-intuitive, but it really works. It’s like calling out a bully.
5. Believer, remember you are not in charge. You are not sovereign over the world (be grateful, because if you were in charge, you’d mess it up.)
6. Look to the One Who is sovereign. He’s tirelessly working in a fashion we can’t understand. Throughout the epochs of history, nothing has caught Him unawares. Nothing has ever happened that didn’t pass through His omnipotent hands.
7. That last statement works on a cosmic, universal level … but more importantly, it works in your heart and soul on an intensely personal level.

Yes, it’s complicated these days. So?

For me personally, I let fear, depression, and uncertainty paralyze me and keep me from doing the most simple things, such as being faithful to keep my blog out there.

My inclination is to say, “Shame on me!” But I’ve given myself permission to acknowledge that I had a tough time, but that tough time doesn’t define me, nor is it a permanent condition.

Your headspace, your emotions, wherever you find yourself is not a prison. God holds the key to whatever cell you may think you’re in. You may spend some time behind figurative bars, but in due time, you’ll be released … if you want to be released.

Sweet. It’s complicated, for sure, but your ordeal is faced while in the embrace of God, Who “gets it,” and most certainly gets you.

Just you wait. Is patience a virtue?

It can be. Our society doesn’t lend itself to being patient. Here’s proof:

• microwave ovens
• drive-through anything
• direct deposits
• high-speed internet
• overnight delivery
• instant grits (yecch)

Know where I’m coming from? We are encouraged, even taught, to be impatient.

“Just you wait” can be a threat, too, depending on it’s usage. For instance, you may have heard something like this when you were a kid: “Just you wait until your father gets home.” Implication: This ain’t gonna be pretty.

So, when we are forced to wait, pretty much everything in our nature rebels.

Some things can’t be rushed – harvested crops, for instance. Physical growth of a child. We are locked into a 24-hour day; you can’t negotiate for more or less.

Ancient script has a lot to say about patience, especially waiting on the Lord. A sampler:

Hosea 12:6

Therefore, return to your God,

Observe kindness and justice,
And wait for your God continually.

Psalm 27:14

Wait for the Lord;

Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the Lord.

Psalm 37:7

Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him;

Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,
Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes.

There are lots more.

This is not going to be a big revelation to anyone, but these days, we are being forced to wait. I’m not talking about quarantine necessarily, because that can be different depending on your location and the suggestions (mandates?) of the authorities. I’m not going there (be thankful – I got nothing to say that I want to use bandwidth on. One day, perhaps.)

It occurs to me that, for the believer, waiting is part of the spiritual condition. And it can make you very, very tired.

People, you are currently part of The Plan. Waiting is part of it.

• Waiting can make you bone-weary, but you are still living and breathing.
• The ebb and flow of your life may have been disrupted. Your routine has been blown to pieces. Yet God has set a rhythm in nature and in life, and He’s adjusting, even changing it, for His purposes.
• That means something. We may not yet know what that “something” is, but rest assured He’s actively working, doing activity all around you.
• God is steadfast. Cling to that.
• The ordeal you’re facing may be taking a lot longer to resolve, and there might not be anything you can do about it.
• It may take longer still.

Know what? Just you wait.

You have done all you know to do to persevere. You’ve hung in there. You’ve prevailed.

What has happened in recent days is part of what is making you a new creation. You aren’t defined by your impatience or frustration.

Don’t forget that.

Just you wait. God is doing a new thing. That new thing is you.

Be blessed.

Joy in prison? Where’s the joy in losing freedom? (And I could say “joy in quarantine” and it’d be even more personal, right?)

I woke up this morning thinking about joy. Joy is a condition of the heart and not necessarily a feeling. It’s a state of mind that transcends circumstances.

You may feel like you’re a prisoner because your coming and going is severely limited. But if there can be joy in prison, then there can be joy anywhere. And it’s not dependent on what’s happening around you.

Here are two questions for you to answer before I go any futher:

1. What was the worst punishment you remember getting when you were a kid?
2. What do you do to lift your spirits when you’re in a funk?

So, scoot your chair in close, kids. Uncle Tony is going to tell you a story.

There is an ancient account in the book of Acts – chapter 16.

Our main characters are Paul and Silas. In verse 16, we see these guys encounter a fortune teller. This slave girl was making a good living for her owners. When Paul and Silas show up, she starts following them around – for several days, in fact – hollering “these men are servants of the Most High God, who are telling you the way to be saved!” (V. 17, NIV).

This gets on Paul’s nerves. This girl wasn’t lying, obviously, but she wasn’t the kind of person that Paul wanted to be identified with. It made him and Silas look more like sorcerers than missionaries. So Paul commands the evil spirit possessing this girl and giving her her abilities to leave. Done.

Needless to say, the owners of the slave girl saw their livelihood dry up. Poof. So they grab Paul and Silas, drag them before the authorities, and say, “These men are Jews, and are throwing our city into an uproar by advocating customs unlawful for us Romans to accept or practice.” (V. 20). Okay, then.

Things don’t go well for Paul and Silas. Instead of a formal trial, which legally they were supposed to have, they’re stripped and beaten by the crowd – “severely flogged,” the scripture says.

They are thrown into prison. The jailer puts them in an inner cell, puts their feet in stocks, and stands guard over them.

Now things get really interesting. Joy in prison? Riiiiight.

Verse 25 says, “About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them.”

Imagine you’re another prisoner. You have to wonder, “What’s up with these guys? Why are they singing? What is there to pray about? Don’t they realize how bad things are for them?”

Let’s stop for a moment. This is evidence of joy in prison. Check this out – the joy these men are experiencing and displaying is not dependent on the circumstances they’re in – it’s dependent on who they have a relationship with. Hello!

You’re probably several steps ahead of me by now. You may feel like you’ve been in prison the last few weeks. At the very least, you’ve had to monitor where you go, who you’re with, and what you can and can’t do.

Have you been joyful through all that? Have you experienced joy in your prison?

Scripture says, “Suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. All at once all the prison doors flew open, and everybody’s chains came loose.” It’s worth noting that not only were Paul and Silas freed, everyone else was, too.

I’d encourage you to read the rest of the passage for yourself. It’s good stuff. You can read about the response of the jailer – who wanted to kill himself because of his perceived failure – and his question of “What must I do to be saved?” (That’s the most important question anyone can ever ask, by the way.)

When you think about there being joy in prison, that just doesn’t seem possible, now does it? In this account, though, Paul and Silas experienced joy first, and then freedom. They weren’t freed and then felt joy. Joy preceded freedom.

Man, that’s good.

Let’s wrap this thing. Let me help you today.

• You may feel that you’re imprisoned. I’m not talking about simply being quarantined. You may feel like you’re a prisoner of your thoughts and emotions.
• Maybe you are dealing with the blackest funk imaginable. You don’t have COVID-19, but some of what you’re experiencing is just as bad, just not in a physical sense.
• And yet – you can be joyful. But it’s not a joy that you can dredge up from within yourself.
• Remember – you can be unhappy and joyful at the same time. That’s a paradox, but it’s so. Happiness is transient. Joy is eternal.
• What Paul said to the jailer, verse 31: “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved – you and your household.” Ka-pow! Boom! Think the jailer experienced joy then? Because now, the fact that all the prisoners were freed – which would have been reason for despair – was negated by the joy of his salvation.

Point – you can experience joy in prison, no matter what that prison might be.

It’s futile to try to “feel good” on your own during these challenging days. Oh, you might have moments of pleasure when you are able to have one of your favorite meals delivered, of if you score on some toilet paper. But that won’t last.

People, your unchanging, amazing joy is all wrapped up in your relationship with Jesus.

I assure you, He will sustain you in your prison. One day you’ll be free in every sense of the word.

Until then, joy is readily available. Just don’t think you can experience it with your own resources.

O be joyful.