I’d like to share my “why” with you. Specifically, it’s my why as it relates to my newly-launched course, COVID Crusher.

I wanted to offer a way to get some clear and actionable training on how to be freed from the emotional and mental burden of COVID-19 in five days.

Part of my motivation was that I didn’t want people to have to worry about the burden of uncertainty the pandemic has brought about.

I wanted to provide the tools necessary to move past the discomfort and hard questions and move into a much better state of mind and heart.

“So, Tony,” you say, “If you’re so anxious to get this in the right hands, why don’t you just share it? I mean, you’re charging for it. Why?”

I am indeed, and it’s simply because there are development and hosting fees I have to pay to make it available in the format I’m presenting. (I’d add that teachable.com absolutely ROCKS.)

So there’s that. And since you’re such a faithful reader, I wanted you to know that. People who say they aren’t concerned about money will lie about other things too! (That’s humor, btw.)

For me, this isn’t a political issue, or even a physical health issue. What concerns me greatly is the mental and emotional toll it’s taking on people. Here’s a word from Johns Hopkins psychologist George S. Everly Jr.:

Every disaster brings psychological casualties that far outnumber physical ones. Common reactions include depression, grief, guilt, generalized anxiety and post-traumatic stress.

With regard to this pandemic, we’re seeing all of these things. If that weren’t enough, many people have lost their jobs, and they may have preexisting psychological problems. There could be an uptick in physical, emotional and sexual abuse, causing more angst.

That’s what put me over the proverbial edge. I felt compelled to do something, even if it was wrong. That’s part of my “why.”

Here’s what it isn’t.

 This is not a physical cure for COVID – 19. Duh.

●     It isn’t medically-based. That’s the job of medical professionals. That ain’t me.

●     This is not a politically-motivated program. It’s as far from that as it could possibly be.

●     It isn’t some conspiracy theory insider piece. (I don’t want to offend you if you’re into conspiracy theories – some folks love ‘em. I’d just say that you won’t find anything in this dealing with implanted microchips, the Illuminati, or alien DNA.)

Here’s what it is.

●     It’s a guided course of study. It’s accessible and understandable to anyone from, say, 13 years old and up. Parents, take note.

●     It is designed to bring life transformation. You won’t be the same after you complete it.

●     It is written to get you results in five days. You can take as much time as you need, but for optimal results you should do one lesson at a time, daily

●     It is applicable to not only the pandemic, but to any other life challenges you may be facing. The principles I share are universal and transferable.

●     It is a set of tools that will help you meet your needs for peace, comfort, and hope even when it seems the world is in flames.

That’s my why. And if you are curious and want to know more, you can check it out right here.

Be blessed.

Have you ever said that? “What difference does it make?”

I have. And the extension of that thought is even darker: “What difference do I make?”

Many of us, I’ll wager, would like to make an impact on the world around us. To leave a mark, as it were.

There’s something comforting about living a life well-lived. It doesn’t matter if we occupied a prominent position on the world stage. (That doesn’t even appeal to me. If I felt like I was being faithful to my call, then I was perfectly fine in serving in obscurity.)

The worst fear is that I made no difference. Lord knows that isn’t an ego thing. I’d just like to know that, somewhere along the way, I made a difference in someone’s life. A good difference. It’s pretty easy to make a bad difference.

So what’s up with my sudden burst of introspection? Scoot your chair in close, kids. I’ll tell you.

I’ve been in vocational ministry for decades. Most of those years were spent with teenagers. Hundreds, if not 1000+ kids, were a part of a communal journey.

If I simply played numerical odds, then there was at least one of those kids I, by God’s grace, made a difference with.

So here I am today, not serving vocationally in a local church, but serving my denomination and, in a broader and more accurate sense, the Kingdom of God.

What does that even look like? What difference does it make?

I’m not completely sure, but in recent days, weeks, even months, I’ve tried to heed a call.

This blog is part of that. I want what I share to be transformationally encouraging. But I have been feeling for a while there’s more, maybe even much more, for me to do.

I’m about to get real. “Don’t go there,” you say. Well, tough noogies. I’m wanting to make a difference.

It seems like the natural order of things is unraveling before our eyes. I haven’t talked to anyone in my admittedly small circle who think everything is just fine.

It’s a 2020 deal, for sure. I could offer a litany of what’s happened in the last nine months. Foremost, of course, is COVID-19 (which we just found out today President Trump and others in his circle have tested positive for. For those of you who aren’t United States citizens, this may be cause for eye-rolling. Bear with me.)

That pandemic thing? Did any of us believe it’d still be such a huge issue? To my mind, it’s impacted every element of society. I’ve seen plenty of clever memes about 2020, and I embrace that, since humor, even twisted humor, is a defense mechanism for me.

Still, as I’ve stated before, none of us are exempt from the virus’ impact. It has its nasty tendrils into so many areas of our lives. About the time I think we’re turning some significant corner, there’s a vile setback. It is unequivocally wearing us down.

You doing okay? And if you’re cruising along, happy as a tornado in a trailer park, you are so so blessed. I’ll bet you have friends and family who aren’t doing so hot.

Coming back around to my “what difference does it make” statement, I got to wondering – if folks are hurting, and struggling, and asking hard questions to a seemingly silent universe, what are they to do? Specifically, is there anything I, Michael Anthony Martin, can do to be an encourager?

Here are some of the questions I’ve asked – and, again, by God’s grace and His sovereign gifting, some questions I’ve been able to answer:

● What if you didn’t have to struggle with the emotional roller coaster you’re riding?

● What if your feelings – which can drag you all over the landscape – were kept in check, or channeled to make a positive difference?

● What if you could make significant progress toward peace and security in five days?

● What if you learned transformational skills and tactics that not only will take you through these challenges of the pandemic but will also serve you in years to come?

I’ll share more later. God is so good. When the question comes to my mind, “What difference does it make?”, then, by golly, I have identified a difference that can be made.

Stay tuned.

Be blessed.

I guess “playing the odds” is a gambling term, although it can be applied to many different situations.

In most card games, you can figure out your chances of winning or losing based on cold, hard statistics (the odds). But people often give in to a gut feeling and bet money on an irrational hunch, such as “I’ve been losing all night, so I’m bound to win big soon”, rather than on statistics. If you believe in your cards, you may win against the odds, but more than likely you’ll lose. But hey, that’s why they call it gambling.

(And no, I don’t gamble, at least in the poker/casino/gaming sense. My Baptist sensibilities, y’know.)

Playing the odds, in my blog’s context, means more. It’s figuring out what is an assumable risk.

So let me share my cancer diagnosis with you.

I’m a cancer survivor. Actually, that’s a little overblown. While I did have a malignancy, there never was much of a chance that it would kill me, or even really make me sick.

Still. The “C” word gets your attention, doesn’t it?

A couple of years ago I went to my friendly neighborhood urologist for routine maintenance. I’m prone to kidney stones, and it was time for that periodic scan to make sure I wasn’t making any of those nasty things, and if I was, what, if anything needed to be done.

(Conventional wisdom in the world of urology states that if you have a kidney stone, it’s best to pass it naturally. That’s akin to natural childbirth, I suppose. It’s like taking your bottom lip, stretching it over the top of your head, and touching the back of your neck with it. No fun.)

I was subjected to an ultrasound. Painless, although the technician tends to tickle when she puts that cold slime on you.

She told me “I see a stone, but Dr. Adams will talk more about it with you.”

Fine.

I retreat to the exam room. Dr. Adams comes in. He’s holding the photographs of the scan.

”I’m not sure what I’m looking at here,” he said.

That’s what you want to hear from your doctor, right?

Short version: He sent me on to get a CT scan, and it confirmed what he thought it was. It was a renal cell carcinoma about the size of a pea.

Dr. Adams was pretty nonchalant. “It’s a slow-growing tumor. We’ll remove it surgically. See you in three months.”

And I’m like, “Excuse me. You can meet me back up here tonight. I want this thing gone.”

He then proceeded to tell me all about the cancer, the diagnosis, the treatment, and persuaded me that there genuinely wasn’t any rush.

We split the difference. I had surgery to remove those rebellious cells about a month later. It wasn’t a big deal, really. I still have that kidney, minus a chunk of tissue and tumor. That was it. One and done. No chemo or radiation.

While all this was going on, I made the awful error of self-diagnosis. Your Uncle Tony counsels you to stay the heck away from WebMD. It doesn’t matter if its an ingrown toenail or chronic dandruff. WebMD will tell you you’re gonna die from it.

According to them, the recovery rate from renal cell carcinoma is better than 95%. By playing the odds, evidence was that I should be fine.

And I have been.

Now, it’s 2020, and we’re still in the throes of COVID-19. Here, again, we’re playing the odds.

You can Google the latest stats, if you’re so inclined. As of this moment, out of the US population of 331 million, there have been 5.76 million confirmed cases. It has a 0.02% mortality rate.

That’s not very many. But those 5.76 million represent living souls who didn’t make the majority cut.

So there’s an outside chance you could get infected. What does that mean?

For me, I’m just being diligent. I’m wearing a mask. I social distance. I wash my hands so much I expect to be showing bone any day now.

There aren’t any any freedoms I’ve lost. It can be dark out there, but I don’t think I’m on some slippery slope toward some grim dystopian nightmare.

But, since you’ve hung in this far, I’ll reveal my true agenda, and it has nothing to do with The Virus.

Our hope is not in the odds. Our hope is in God Himself.

Ancient script says this. It’s from Job 19:

²⁵ I know that my redeemer^[a]lives,
and that in the end he will stand on the earth.^[b]
26 And after my skin has been destroyed,
yet^[c] in^[d] my flesh I will see God.

If you are sick – cancer, COVID, the mumps, what have you – doctors can’t assure you 100% recovery. And this – even God doesn’t promise that, at least in the temporal world. He does promise that we will see  Him. It’s not about playing the odds.

If you’re a believer, and you heart stops … your brain activity ceases … and you draw your last earthly breath, know what? You’re still alive.

Absent from the body. Present with the Lord.

This is a staggering promise.

If you distill this down to its very essence, what this translates to is: No Fear.

If you’re predisposed toward worry and fret, I get it. To be told to “not fear” is almost an impossibility.

I don’t know how to tell  you to fix that. I think it’s basically a matter of drawing as close to God as you can until He crowds out everything else in your vision.

Playing the odds? Not necessary. God is in your favor. Embrace that.

Tony’s Question: What is the most comforting thought you’ve had since the pandemic struck? Share your thoughts below.

Nope, to guard your heart isn’t a word from your cardiologist about heart attacks. It’s when your heart is attacked – or, more accurately, when your heart is hardened.

In these days I’ve offered unsolicited counsel to folks, whether they asked for it or not.

“Guard your heart.”

This should be self-evident. I have not lived in a more contentious time ever. We are hammered daily by apocalyptic news. That pandemic thing? It’s ain’t going away anytime soon. I mean, there’s this absurd debate over masks. Masks. Think about that.

We are a world on edge.

Because of that, there’s evidence that we need to guard our hearts because our hearts are being devalued. When we have had all that we think we can take, then our hearts become hard.

What got me all stirred up about this was a passage that turned up in my devotional reading a few days ago.

It’s from Exodus 11 and other nearby verses. You know the story of the Egyptian plagues. God visited plagues on Pharaoh and the Egyptians because they wouldn’t heed Moses’ plea to “let my people go.”

It didn’t go well for Egypt. And the big theological question is, “Does God harden some people’s hearts?”

Here’s this:

Exodus 11:10

¹⁰ Moses and Aaron performed all these wonders before Pharaoh, but the Lord hardened Pharaoh’s heart, and he would not let the Israelites go out of his country.

I don’t know how deep I want to get into this, because I’m not the theologian I’d like to be. If the issue is for me to harden my heart, is that something I do or that God does? And why?

Sometimes it seems that God treats people differently.

You can see this in all of Chapter 11 (and for context, it’s worth reading in surrounding passages about the whole Jewish deliverance and exodus from Egypt.) It seems that the Egyptian people thought pretty highly of Moses and the Israelites (verse 3.) At the same time, God hardens Pharaoh’s heart.

At first glance, that seems really contradictory.

Could God harden your heart?

In the interest of “keeping it real,” we have to acknowledge that, yep, there are two different issues in play.

(Note: We ain’t gonna get into a debate about God’s sovereignty and human freedom. I’ll meet you in your dorm room after classes if you want to toss that around. Chances are, though, since this has been a debate for centuries among some very wise people, we probably won’t solve it.)

At any rate, just looking at the narrative, the question is still out there: Why is there a difference?

Guess what. Only God knows. I mean, ancient script says that God has mercy on whom He wants to have mercy, and He hardens whom He wants to harden. Think about that too long, pilgrim, and you’ll be up all night.  For the time being, just roll with it.

If we can bring this down to a human (read – comprehensible) level, there are a couple of factors to note. One, Pharaoh saw the Jews as free labor. Pharaoh was so egocentric and ambitious, he had the Israelites as a bunch of tools. He needed them for his big plans to come about.

But the Egyptians themselves seemed more sympathetic.

What does all this have to do if you harden your heart?

In these dark, convoluted days, it may be that your heart has grown hard. You’ve simply had it with people, opinions, debate, ignorance, all that.  You haven’t done a great job of guarding your heart. It’s gotten callous and hard.

Where do your feelings come from, anyway?

There may be genetics in play here. Environmental issues. Something chemical in the brain. The list could go on. Are at we at the mercy of our feelings and emotions? Do we choose how we should feel? Yikes.

This: in spite of differences in upbringing, biology, sociology, and other factors, there is one universal. It’s sin.

Sin, to some degree, impacts every part of our lives, and every part of everyone else’s lives. Harden your heart? Maybe sin factors into that, too.

Back to God’s sovereignty – here’s something not up for debate – God controls the universe. If there were one renegade molecule out there that He didn’t control, He’d self-destruct. He wouldn’t be God anymore. Staggering.

Which means: God controls pandemics. He controls all of nature. He is always active in the affairs of mankind.

So, how does God’s control impact you and me personally? Is how we respond to this current crisis dictated by Him? Do you think you’ll harden your heart or is that something God will do “to” you? How do you guard your heart anyway?

Here’s the age-old tension. If we’re free to choose our attitudes, mindset, values, and all the rest, that seems to diminish God’s authority. If, on the other hand (and there is another hand to consider), God causes us to harden our hearts, it makes God seem unfair. It could even seem that God is bringing about events and attitudes that are contrary to who He is.

Again, this is some deep stuff right here, and you’ll just have to hammer it out in a way that God leads you to understand.

All this is pretty ethereal. Let’s go practical here.

This blog today is about guarding your heart to the extent that it doesn’t get hard. God is completely good in His actions. Always and forever.

• Latch onto that.
• Trust Him. He will never, ever lead you astray.
• Work and live in a way that pleases Him.
• Could how you conduct yourself in a crisis be an act of worship? I think so.
• God understands things you simply can’t. Make a list of questions you’d like Him to answer for you when you get to heaven, and set it aside. He’s not obligated to inform you right now (book of Job, baby!)
• In light of that last statement, God is not going to call on you to deal with the issues that only He understands.
• Guard your heart. Don’t purposefully harden your heart.
• It’s going to be okay. It always is.

Be blessed.

Tony’s Question: What is one concrete, measurable step you can take to guard your heart? Share your thoughts with us in the space below. You may just encourage someone!

PS: I’ve been added as a member of Bible Gateway’s Blogger Grid. Bible Gateway is my go-to source for scripture quotations and Bible translations Bible Gateway, the searchable and shareable Bible with more than 200 versions and more than 70 languages. It features news about the Bible, interviews with authors about their Bible-focused books, and the latest announcements from Bible Gateway. It’s the best place to stay current with Bible-related developments. They’ve done some tweaking and updates to their site, and it’s just stellar. I recommend them highly. Check it out. You’re welcome.

#BibleGatewayPartner

Here’s a link to take you there. There’s also a link on my home page.

This is just for fun. I’d love to give proper credit. I don’t know who wrote this, but, they summed it up perfectly.

Dear Diary 2020 Edition,

In January, Australia caught on fire. I don’t even know if that fire was put out, because we straight up almost went to war with Iran. We might actually still be almost at war with them. I don’t know, because Jen Aniston and Brad Pitt spoke to one another at an awards show and everyone flipped out, but then there was this thing happening in China, then Prince Harry and Megan peaced out of the Royal family, and there was the whole impeachment trial, and then coronavirus showed up in the US “officially,” but then Kobe died and UK peaced out of the European Union.

In February, Iowa broke down with the caucus results and the president was acquitted and the Speaker of the House took ten years to rip up a speech, but then WHO decided to give this virus a name COVID-19, which confused some really important people in charge of, like, our lives, into thinking there were 18 other versions before it, but then Harvey Weinstein was found guilty, and Americans started asking if Corona beer was safe to drink, and then everyone on Facebook became a doctor who just knew the flu like killed way more people than COVID 1 through 18.

In March, everything hit the fan. Warren dropped out of the presidential race and Sanders was like Bernie or bust, but then Italy shut its entire self down, and then COVID Not 1 through 18 officially became what everyone already realized, a pandemic, and then a nationwide state of emergency was declared in the US, but it didn’t really change anything, so everyone was confused or thought it was still just a flu, but then COVID Not 18 was like y’all not taking me seriously? I’m gonna infect the one celebrity everyone loves and totally infected Tom Hanks, but then the DOW took a plummet, and most of us still don’t understand why the stock market is so important or even a thing (I still don’t), but then we were all introduced to Tiger King. (Carol totally killed her husband), and Netflix was like you’re welcome, and we all realized there was no way we were washing our hands enough in the first place because all of our hands are now dry and gross.

In April, Bernie finally busted himself out of the presidential race, but then NYC became the set of The Walking Dead and we learned that no one has face masks, ventilators, or toilet paper, or THE FREAKING SWIFFER WET JET LIQUID, but then Kim Jong-Un died, but then he came back to life… or did he? Who knows, because then the Pentagon released videos of UFOs and nobody cared, and we were like man, it’s only April….

In May, the Biblical end times kicked off historical locust swarms and then we learned of murder hornets and realized that 2020 was the start of the Hunger Games but people forgot to let us know, but then people legit protested lockdown measures with AR-15s, and then sports events were cancelled everywhere. But then people all over America finally reached a breaking point with race issues and violence. There were protests in every city, but then people forgot about the pandemic called COVID Not One Through 18. Media struggled with how to focus on two important things at once, but then people in general struggled to focus on more than one important thing, and a dead whale was found in the middle of the Amazon rain forest after monkeys stole COVID 1 Through 19 from a lab and ran off with them, and either in May or April (no one is keeping track of time now) that a giant asteroid narrowly missed Earth.

In June, science and common sense just got thrown straight out the window and somehow wearing masks became a political thing, but then a whole lot of people realized the south was actually the most unpatriotic thing ever and actually lost the civil war, and there are a large amount of people who feel that statues they don’t even know the name of are needed for … history reasons, or to be removed, whatever…but then everyone sort of remembered there was a pandemic, but then decided that not wearing a mask was somehow a God given right, but then scientists announced they found a mysterious undiscovered mass at the center of the earth, and everyone was like DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH IT, but then everyone took a pause to realize that people actually believed Gone With The Wind was like non-fiction, but then it was also announced that there is a strange radio signal coming from somewhere in the universe that repeats itself every so many days, and everyone was like DON’T YOU DARE ATTEMPT TO COMMUNICATE WITH IT, but then America reopened from the shut down that actually wasn’t even a shut down, and so far, things have gone spectacularly not that great, but everyone is on Facebook arguing that masks kill because no one knows how breathing works, but then Florida was like hold my beer and let me show you how we’re number one in all things, including new Not Corona Beer Corona Virus.

Trump decides now is a good time to ask the Supreme Court to shut down Obama Care, but then we learned there was a massive dust cloud coming straight at us from the Sahara Desert, which is totally normal, but this is 2020, so the ghost mummy thing is most likely in that dust cloud, but then I learned of meth-gators, and I’m like that is so not on my 2020 Bingo card, but then we learned that the Congo’s worst ever Ebola outbreak is over, and we were all like, there was an Ebola outbreak that was the worst ever?

In July…. Aliens? Zeus? Asteroids? Artificial Intelligence becomes self-aware?

Isn’t that an ominous phrase – “the End of Days?”

I’ve read a lot here lately on social media about the Second Coming, the Rapture, Armageddon, etc. (And if you aren’t a Christian, this may come across as inside baseball because those might not be terms you are familiar with. Keep reading anyway.)

The End of Days is an apocalyptic term which denotes the end of, well, everything.

I won’t get into the theology of this. I’m not smart enough, and you don’t have the time. But there’s plenty out there for you Googlers.

I’ve kept a journal for years. My journals are full of random stuff. It might be things that God is teaching me. You’ll find some prayers written out. There is some commentary on the state of the world. Personal reflections abound. There are some recipes, too.

Most of it would be of little note or interest to others.

I’d encourage you to keep a journal. Again, there are tons of tools out there to help you. Jim Rohn did significant work in that area. You’ll see why in a minute. You don’t want to miss any of what’s happening now.

So what is this about the End of Days?

In the past few weeks – okay, in pretty much all of 2020 to date, and today we’re halfway through the year – it’s reasonable to ask “what in the FAT is going on here?”

It isn’t random. It isn’t circumstantial. Something is afoot.

God is working earnestly in our society, our country, our world. On it’s face, you might think, “Man alive. God is sure confusing me.”

I believe He is more active than ever. His hand is in COVID-19, in wars and rumors of wars, in the mightiest halls of government, in the sea change happening because of George Floyd’s gruesome murder.

I have believed for some time that we’ve been under God’s remedial judgement in the United States. I can’t speak to other countries, but subjectively these days just “feel” different.

God is ministering peace to the remnant.

He is reminding us not just daily but hourly that we who are believers are strangers, foreigners, aliens and sojourners in this world.

Much of what we’re experiencing isn’t new. The American Civil War was fought from 1861 to 1865. Some days, though, it seems that the last 155 years was just halftime. My first 14 years straddled the end of the 50’s and the decade of the 60’s, and Lord knows that was one forevermore upheaval in society. (And as much as it pains me to say this, a lot of the rhetoric today sounds disturbingly like what you might’ve heard back then.)

After these past few months, I still can’t get my head wrapped around the pandemic. Imagine a whole world facing a common foe. This is a universally shared experience. You’d think this would be a call for us to unite against something that threatens all of us. I’m gonna leave that thought right there.

Maybe you’ve suffered in recent days, for whatever reason. So much of what we consider suffering was the normal state for those first-century Christians. I wouldn’t presume to put your suffering somewhere on a continuum; if you think you’re suffering, you are.

We are naive, if not delusional, if we believe that we won’t have struggles and heartbreak aplenty in this life. Just because you’re hurting doesn’t mean this is the End of Days. Unless, perhaps, it is a universal suffering. That gets my attention.

Those early Christians understood what it was like to have the world facing off toward them. Make no mistake, there are lots of people from every tribe and tongue who are in silent agony. So to deny pain and suffering in yourself or anyone else is denying the whole counsel of scripture.

This is not popular teaching.

Well, pilgrim, you have plenty of reasons to not despair in these extraordinarily dark days. You have much reason to be comforted.

The God of all creation does not slumber or sleep. He is orchestrating events all around us in real-time.

In ways my puny mind can’t begin to fathom, His plans are becoming reality.

Where others see despair, I see His sovereignty. He is, in a way that is causing scales to fall from my eyes today, visiting His judgement not only on the United States of America but the entire world, and I’m not just talking COVID-19.

Which means … we are closer than ever to the climax of history, to the End of Days, when all the nations of the world will be rolled up like a rotten papyrus scroll and time will be no more.

I believe this.

I know that generations past have believed that they were the last, but I stand to testify that these days are different, somehow.

So, believer, don’t despair. We are privileged to see Him at work to bring about His redemptive purposes.

You just watch.

I believe that He has in store for us one last outpouring of His Spirit, when Christians in Name Only will be confronted with the truth of the Gospel and their own sinfulness.

Ultimately, judgement will come. And He is the God of white-hot rage. Perhaps judgement is already on us.

There is always a remnant. If I’m still breathing and He hasn’t returned yet, it will be interesting to read my journal and see what He’s done.

It will be something to behold, for good or bad. I can promise you that.

Oh, please, y’all – our hope is eternal, and it is not a hope grounded in the decisions and actions of man. We, of all people, have hope. Hope.

Be joyful. He’s got this. Live like you believe it.

Question: What is the number one thing in these days that gives you hope? Share your answer with others below. And I’d be grateful if you’d share this with others on social media, too.

It’s complicated, isn’t it? I mean, life and everything these days.

Here’s my testimony from last week. It’s quite personal.

I like to share my blog with you Dear Pilgrims twice a week, preferably on Tuesdays and Fridays. (Those are our garbage pickup days. I don’t think there’s a connection. Maybe there is.)

Last week I blogged once, on some random day. I basically couldn’t do any more than that.

Why? Like I said, it’s complicated.

Some background … if you’ve been reading my stuff for the last year or so, you’re aware of my brain injury, that whole post-concussion syndrome ordeal. If you want any background to understand this context, you can read it here. (Scroll to the bottom of the page.)

I haven’t been afraid of CORONA-19, or at least of catching it. I simply play the odds: numerically, the odds are small to the extreme I’ll get it (or any of us would), and the odds of it being fatal are even smaller.

Nevertheless, I’ve stayed in. I’m still not real comfortable going out. I’ve worn a mask in public. (Non-mask wearers tend to glare at those of us who do. Whatever.)

Still, last week I was absolutely paralyzed by anxiety and depressions.

Why? Like I said, it’s complicated.

On the spectrum between “Everything is fine” and “I can’t cope,” I don’t know where you find yourself these days. Can I suggest something? Don’t be adverse to admitting where you are, at least to yourself.

So here’s your Uncle Tony, wrapped in the toxic embrace of the worst funk imaginable. I did my day job with excellence. I kept up my personal quiet time and devotional, and that was a sweet retreat.

Still. I was experiencing a low that extension ladders wouldn’t help me get out of.

I didn’t think it was improper to ask, “Why, Lord? What’s going on here?”

Again, the answer … “It’s complicated.”

I’m happy to report that most of that is in the rear-view mirror. (As I type this, I’m dealing with a migraine, which has also been a byproduct of my injury. I’ll wrap this and take my really good meds.)

I’ve tried to come up with an explanation. I hope this is universal enough to encourage you, too.

1. These are unprecedented times for all of us. You are not alone in feeling and experiencing the things you do, but that doesn’t mean it’s any easier.
2. Some plans and aspirations you may have had are now on perpetual hold, and there really isn’t anything you can change about that. What you can change, however, is your heart toward them. Act, and your feelings will catch up later.
3. You’ve lost something through all this. Loss, especially involuntary loss, is not pleasant.
4. You wonder what the “new normal” will look like, and perhaps you’re anxious about that.
5. Give yourself permission to have a meltdown. That can be cathartic. It’s your soul’s way of admitting that you feel helpless.

Remember, feelings are the great betrayers. And I don’t think you can compartmentalize them. They impact every niche of your life.

So what are we to do? It’s complicated.

Or is it?

It’s basic. That doesn’t mean it’s not hard. But you can be in a better place.

1. Acknowledge the reality of where you are. In my case, my free-floating anxiety and morbid depression were legitimate feelings. But I know that those feelings are transitory, and that they would pass.
2. Move yourself into a place where rational thinking can take hold. That may mean a news fast, for instance. That 24 hour news cycle can take a toll on you.
3. Social media is really toxic these days. Avoid it, or at least avoid things that will corrupt your soul.
4. Don’t run from your problems. Face them head-on. Embrace them. That sounds counter-intuitive, but it really works. It’s like calling out a bully.
5. Believer, remember you are not in charge. You are not sovereign over the world (be grateful, because if you were in charge, you’d mess it up.)
6. Look to the One Who is sovereign. He’s tirelessly working in a fashion we can’t understand. Throughout the epochs of history, nothing has caught Him unawares. Nothing has ever happened that didn’t pass through His omnipotent hands.
7. That last statement works on a cosmic, universal level … but more importantly, it works in your heart and soul on an intensely personal level.

Yes, it’s complicated these days. So?

For me personally, I let fear, depression, and uncertainty paralyze me and keep me from doing the most simple things, such as being faithful to keep my blog out there.

My inclination is to say, “Shame on me!” But I’ve given myself permission to acknowledge that I had a tough time, but that tough time doesn’t define me, nor is it a permanent condition.

Your headspace, your emotions, wherever you find yourself is not a prison. God holds the key to whatever cell you may think you’re in. You may spend some time behind figurative bars, but in due time, you’ll be released … if you want to be released.

Sweet. It’s complicated, for sure, but your ordeal is faced while in the embrace of God, Who “gets it,” and most certainly gets you.

Just you wait. Is patience a virtue?

It can be. Our society doesn’t lend itself to being patient. Here’s proof:

• microwave ovens
• drive-through anything
• direct deposits
• high-speed internet
• overnight delivery
• instant grits (yecch)

Know where I’m coming from? We are encouraged, even taught, to be impatient.

“Just you wait” can be a threat, too, depending on it’s usage. For instance, you may have heard something like this when you were a kid: “Just you wait until your father gets home.” Implication: This ain’t gonna be pretty.

So, when we are forced to wait, pretty much everything in our nature rebels.

Some things can’t be rushed – harvested crops, for instance. Physical growth of a child. We are locked into a 24-hour day; you can’t negotiate for more or less.

Ancient script has a lot to say about patience, especially waiting on the Lord. A sampler:

Hosea 12:6

Therefore, return to your God,

Observe kindness and justice,
And wait for your God continually.

Psalm 27:14

Wait for the Lord;

Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the Lord.

Psalm 37:7

Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him;

Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,
Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes.

There are lots more.

This is not going to be a big revelation to anyone, but these days, we are being forced to wait. I’m not talking about quarantine necessarily, because that can be different depending on your location and the suggestions (mandates?) of the authorities. I’m not going there (be thankful – I got nothing to say that I want to use bandwidth on. One day, perhaps.)

It occurs to me that, for the believer, waiting is part of the spiritual condition. And it can make you very, very tired.

People, you are currently part of The Plan. Waiting is part of it.

• Waiting can make you bone-weary, but you are still living and breathing.
• The ebb and flow of your life may have been disrupted. Your routine has been blown to pieces. Yet God has set a rhythm in nature and in life, and He’s adjusting, even changing it, for His purposes.
• That means something. We may not yet know what that “something” is, but rest assured He’s actively working, doing activity all around you.
• God is steadfast. Cling to that.
• The ordeal you’re facing may be taking a lot longer to resolve, and there might not be anything you can do about it.
• It may take longer still.

Know what? Just you wait.

You have done all you know to do to persevere. You’ve hung in there. You’ve prevailed.

What has happened in recent days is part of what is making you a new creation. You aren’t defined by your impatience or frustration.

Don’t forget that.

Just you wait. God is doing a new thing. That new thing is you.

Be blessed.

“I’ll never be normal.” That’s pretty harsh.

What does it mean to be normal, anyway? They say normal is just a setting on a clothes dryer. Maybe normality is subjective.

But to say “I’ll never be normal” is stating that you have a crystal ball and you already know the end game.

Maybe you’ve said some of these:

• ”I can’t stop beating myself up.”
• ”I’ll never be able to set goals and stick to them.”
• ”I’ll always give in to that temptation.”
• ”I don’t think I’ll ever be the kind of person others look up to.”

And so forth. If you want to go with current events:

• ”I’ll always live in fear of catching some horrific disease.”
• ”I don’t think I can ever be as relational as I once was.”
• ”If God let this happen, then I don’t think I can ever trust Him again.”
• ”If someone got sick because of me, I can never forgive myself.”

”I’ll never be normal?” you say? That is a cognitive distortion – a “false thought,” if you wish.

It may be that the false thoughts you have make you comfortable. It’s because you’re living in a world that you yourself created.

So, for you, is there now a “new normal,” one that exists outside of what’s going on inside your head?

If you’ve had any of those thoughts I listed above, take heart. You don’t have to be stuck there.

We live in a day right now in which the culture is telling you all sorts of things. You pick and choose and sort through what you’re hearing, and then you decide how to act on what you’re thinking and feeling. Guess what? You can snap out of this crazy culture.

Maybe you’ve tried before. Maybe you’ve failed. Maybe you’ve said, “I’ll never be normal.”

Here’s the term I want you to understand. It’s overgeneralization.

It’s when you take one tiny paint drop and use it to fill in a big picture. That will get you in big trouble. It’ll cause you to wave that surrender flag and saying, “I just don’t care anymore. This is the way I am and this is the way I’ll always be.”

It’s easier to say that than it is to face your demons head-on.

Know what? If you look back on your life, you’ll see victories. They may be small and of no consequence to anyone else. But you by-golly prevailed over something.

So, when you mess up, you can’t look at that as a permanent, life-defining failure. If you look at those slips as failures, you’ll convince yourself that you’re at a dead end and there is nothing else you can do.

So here’s your assignment when you say “I’ll never be normal.”

That false thought of “I’ve failed?” Replace it with “I’ve learned.” Every misstep is an opportunity to learn.

(I know I lost some folks right then, because they’re interpreting that as some feel-good, motivational hoodoo.)

More truth: If you look back at a time when you failed and you thought that you’d never be “normal,” check this out. You’re still standing. The sun rose on you this morning. That means you learned something. Give yourself  a high five. And ask: “What did I learn from this?”

I’d contend that so many things we classify as failures actually are wins.

There are a couple of approaches to life in these days.

You can blame your heart state and your feelings that “I’ll never be normal” on external issues: The ‘Rona, your parents, your environment, your relationships, etc.

Or you can blame internal issues: Your temperament, your personality, your astrological sign (okay, please, ignore that last one.)

Most people are a mix of the two. And granted, some things are really out of your hands.

Here’s the solution, and I think it’s worth the price of admission:

Grab hold of what you can control, and make the very best of it.

In other words, own it. Try this: Make a list of what things are not in your control. Look at that list and ask: “How can I control the uncontrollable?” If you really can’t control it, let it go, Elsa. But if you can, pull that thing inside yourself and own it.

Be well. Stay safe.

Jehovah-Jireh. Here’s a Bible study and a little Hebrew lesson.

I’m sharing this because it grew out of my own quiet time and was beyond encouraging. I want you to benefit from it, too.

We could all use some encouragement. Because many of us are scared.

Jehovah-Jireh is Hebrew, and is translated “The Lord Will Provide.” Of course He will; but why do we so often behave like He won’t?

I’ve written plenty in recent weeks about COVID-19, and it has occupied our minds. It’s affected and will continue to affect everyone.

Odds are you wont get the coronavirus. And if you do, the odds are extraordinarily in your favor that you will get well. I’m not factoring in high risk folks – this is for everyone else.

What will impact us all are the financial ramifications. This isn’t about the politics or stimulus package or any of that. (Well, I guess it sorta is, but that’s not my point.)

This: You may have faced a job layoff during this unprecedented time. Someone you know or love might be in that place, even if you aren’t. I don’t know the stats, but I know many, many people live paycheck to paycheck. In the very few times I’ve ventured out, I’ve been struck by the lack of traffic, of the empty parking lots, of the locked stores and restaurants.

No one is immune. Ripple effect, right?

It’s almost the first of the month, and people are legitimately wondering how they’re to pay their rent, their mortgage, their car notes, their utility bills … all that.

Can you say stress?

Well, pilgrim, check this out:

Genesis 22:14 (ESV)

So Abraham called the name of that place, “The Lord will provide”; as it is said to this day, “On the mount of the Lord it shall be provided.”

The Lord will provide = Jehovah-Jireh.

You can read Genesis 22 for the whole story. It’s quite familiar. This is the tale of God telling the patriarch Abraham that he was to go up on the mountain and sacrifice his son Issac.

There’s plenty to unpack there – for instance, why would God ask for pagan human sacrifice? How could Abraham be so assured that God would provide a sacrifice? What about Abraham’s words to the others that had accompanied Issac and him – “I and the boy will go over there and worship and come again to you?”

Whew.

Truth is, God sent an angel to stay Abraham’s hand. Abraham recognized the timeless truth that the Lord will provide, and He did.

Don’t miss this. God is Jehovah-Jireh, then and now.

God is our only provider, He and He alone. And the command is to not be afraid. Don’t be afraid. 

Cling to this truth.

Not only does God provide, He is your provider. It is literally who He is.

I know what you’re thinking, because I’ve thought it, too: “Okay, Lord, I get that. But here’s my checkbook. What am I supposed to do now?”

I’d suggest that His provision doesn’t always come in a way we’d think or expect. We’re to be open-minded and open-hearted.

Jehovah-Jireh. The Lord will provide. Our attitude should be that our hands are wide open to receive. This is beyond scary, sometimes. It’s because we can’t see the future, and what we do see looks dismal.

We’re at a place of choosing: Do we choose to believe He will take care of us?

Even beyond that, what about our emotions? Your rational mind may believe God is indeed Jehovah-Jireh, and that He will provide. Why, then, are you anxious, stressed, and an emotional wreck?

God can handle our emotions, too. If you’re scared, tell Him. Angry? He’ll take whatever you want to throw at Him. Just don’t stop there. Ask Him to heal your emotions with His perfect love.

Since God is Jehovah-Jireh, as provider He is ready to give you all He knows you need.

He won’t leave you or forsake you. He’s promised. I’d wager that, if you look back, you can point to times in your past when He provided, in ways you didn’t anticipate. So, knowing that God doesn’t change, what are your expectations of Him now?

Jesus certainly understood that there would be times when we’d say, “Lord, I don’t have a clue as to how You’re gonna work this out.” And yet:

Matthew 6:25-27

²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? ²⁷ And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?

See any loopholes or exceptions there? Me neither.

I think in these days we need to do a lot of listening and a lot of letting go. It’s releasing your worry to God and asking Him what He wants you to learn about Himself and you.

One ancient story tells of the children of Israel who’d been set free from Egyptian bondage. They were wandering around in the wilderness, and they were hungry.

God feeds them manna.

Know what? This was a food they’d never seen before, so they didn’t know to ask for it. They didn’t even know what it was, and yet it was provided for them.

In these times of crazy uncertainty, we’re called on to trust in God, who has promised to provide what we need. Maybe it’ll be in a totally unexpected way.

Be still. Feel God’s presence. He sure does love you. He’s Jehovah-Jireh. He’ll provide for us all.

Note: There is an app available called “Abide” I heartily recommend. It’s guided prayer and meditation, and it is balm for the soul. Some of my thoughts today grew out of a prayer time from Abide a few days ago. 

Are you burning? Are you on fire?

Both of those phrases can be positive or negative, depending on where your head and heart are.

If your skin is charred and peeling off, that’s not too good. But if if you’re on fire or passionate or have an appropriate burning desire for the good, this is a virtue.

There’s another possibility – you’re burning because you’re passing through the fire.

I’m sharing this with Christians, but there are some principles anyone can apply.

Ancient script talks about this. Here’s a sampler, from the English Standard Version:

Isaiah 48:10 – Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver;

 I have tried you in the furnace of affliction.