Today is blog day, and I woke up committed to say … something.

I have so much chaos in my head that it’s not gonna happen. Being an empath in these days is an awful state.

I will continue to try to put something coherent together that gives God’s hope to all of us. Today … sorry.

I do want to post a statement from the leaders of the Southern Baptist Convention. It is simple, eloquent, and so so meaningful. I’d sign it in a heartbeat.

Be well, all. Let love motivate you, and I’ll be back in touch.

Statement on the death of George Floyd

As a convention of churches committed to the equality and dignity of all people, Southern Baptists grieve the death of George Floyd, who was killed May 25, 2020, in Minneapolis, Minn.

While all must grieve, we understand that in the hearts of our fellow citizens of color, incidents like these connect to a long history of unequal justice in our country, going back to the grievous Jim Crow and slavery eras. The images and information we have available to us in this case are horrific and remind us that there is much more work to be done to ensure that there is not even a hint of racial inequity in the distribution of justice in our country. We grieve to see examples of the misuse of force, and call for these issues to be addressed with speed and justice.

While we thank God for our law enforcement officers that bravely risk their lives for the sake of others and uphold justice with dignity and integrity, we also lament when some law enforcement officers misuse their authority and bring unnecessary harm on the people they are called to protect. We further grieve with our minority brothers and sisters in the wake of George Floyd’s death, pray for his family and friends and greatly desire to see the misuse of force and any inequitable distributions of justice come to an end.

Throughout the Old and New Testaments, the Bible speaks to matters of justice and human dignity. We are taught by Scripture that human beings are distinct among the rest of creation as those beings which bear the divine image. From the beginning of life to the end, all human beings, both male and female–of all ethnicities, colors and ages–are sacred beings that God values and loves.

Throughout the law, the prophets, the gospels and the entire canon of Scripture, murder is condemned and God’s people are called to protect the vulnerable. The Bible further condemns injustice and the misuse of authority and force. And in the example of Jesus Christ, God’s people are called to love others, care for their needs, grieve with them in brokenness and labor for the well-being of our neighbor. To follow Christ is to follow in these examples He puts before us.

Therefore, as a matter of Christian obedience and devotion, followers of Jesus Christ cannot remain silent when our brothers and sisters, friends and/or people we seek to win for Christ are mistreated, abused or killed unnecessarily.

Therefore, we pray for our local, state, and national leaders as they seek justice, and call on them to act quickly and diligently to ensure that these situations are brought to an end. As a people, Southern Baptists stand ready to help towards that end. May God give us His favor, help and strength in this effort.

Co-Authors:

James K. Dew, Jr.
President, New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary

J.D. Greear
President, Southern Baptist Convention
Pastor, The Summit Church, Raleigh-Durham, N.C.

Signatories:

Marshal Ausberry
1st Vice President, Southern Baptist Convention
President, National African-American Fellowship of the Southern Baptist Convention
Pastor, Antioch Baptist Church, Fairfax Station, Va.

Noe Garcia
2nd Vice President, Southern Baptist Convention
Senior Pastor, North Phoenix Baptist Church, Phoenix, Ariz.

Kathy Litton
Registration Secretary, Southern Baptist Convention

John Yeats
Recording Secretary, Southern Baptist Convention
Missouri Baptist Convention Executive Director

Ronnie W. Floyd
Treasurer, Southern Baptist Convention
President & CEO, SBC Executive Committee

Paul Chitwood
President, International Mission Board

Kevin Ezell
President, North American Mission Board

O.S. Hawkins
President, GuideStone Financial Resources

Ben Mandrell
President & CEO, LifeWay Christian Resources

Jeff Iorg
President, Gateway Seminary

Jason K. Allen
President, Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary

Danny L. Akin
President, Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary

R. Albert Mohler, Jr.
President, Southern Baptist Theological Seminary

Adam W. Greenway
President, Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary

Russell D. Moore
President, Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission

Sandy Wisdom-Martin
Executive Director/Treasurer, Woman’s Missionary Union

Rick Lance, Alabama State Baptist Convention
Randy Covington, Alaska Baptist Convention
David Johnson, Arizona Southern Baptist Convention
J. D. “Sonny” Tucker, Arkansas Baptist State Convention
Bill Agee, California Southern Baptist Convention
Nathan Lorick, Colorado Baptist General Convention
Fred MacDonald, Dakota Baptist Convention
J. Thomas Green, Florida Baptist Convention
W. Thomas Hammond, Jr., Georgia Baptist Convention
Christopher Martin, Hawaii Pacific Baptist Convention
Nate Adams, Illinois Baptist State Association
Steve McNeil, State Convention of Baptist in Indiana
Tim Lubinus, Baptist Convention of Iowa
Robert Mills, Kansas-Nebraska Convention of Southern Baptists
Todd Gray, Kentucky Baptist Convention
Steve Horn, Louisiana Baptist Convention
Kevin Smith, Baptist Convention of Maryland/Delaware
Timothy Patterson, Baptist State Convention of Michigan
Leo Endel, Minnesota-Wisconsin Baptist Convention
Shawn Parker, Mississippi Baptist Convention
Barrett Duke, Montana Southern Baptist Convention
Kevin White, Nevada Baptist Convention
Terry Dorsett, Baptist Convention of New England
Joseph Bunce, Baptist Convention of New Mexico
Terry Robertson, Baptist Convention of New York
Milton Hollifield, Jr., Baptist State Convention of North Carolina
Randy Adams, Northwest Baptist Convention
Jack P. Kwok, State Convention of Baptists in Ohio
D. Hance Dilbeck, Jr., Baptist General Convention of Oklahoma
Barry Whitworth, Baptist Resource Network of Pennsylvania-South Jersey
Felix Cabrera, Convention of Southern Baptist Churches in Puerto Rico
Gary Hollingsworth, South Carolina Baptist Convention
Randy C. Davis, Tennessee Baptist Convention
David W. Hardage, Baptist General Convention of Texas
Jim W. Richards, Southern Baptists of Texas Convention
Rob Lee, Utah-Idaho Southern Baptist Convention
John V. Upton, Jr., Baptist General Association of Virginia
Brian Autry, Southern Baptist Convention of Virginia
Eric Ramsey, West Virginia Convention of Southern Baptists
Quin Williams, Wyoming Southern Baptist Mission Network

Have you ever been guilty of putting God in a box?

Before you rise up in ire at me, let me explain.

All my life – and I mean all my life – I’ve tended to go to extremes when thinking about God and relating to Him.

For me, He can be a God of extremes. He’s either the God of all comfort, or the God of white-hot rage. Same coin, two sides, I’d reason.

That is putting God in a box. It’s a subtle form of idolatry – it’s like I’m forcing Him (at least in my head) to be something He may or may not be.

In that context, there may have been times when I presumed to tell God how He ought to handle me. If I was experiencing joy and grace, I’d say, “Oh, God, I don’t deserve this. I haven’t earned this. How can you be so gracious to such a worm as I?”

Conversely, I might say in times of heartache and sorrow, “God, you need to lay off me. In football, I’d call this ‘piling on.’ You need to cut me some slack.”

Neither one of these sentiments is exactly wrong. But it does smack of trying to put God in a box. If He’s in a box, then it’s easy enough to examine Him. He’s limited, right?

There is a subtle danger in trying to “figure out” God. Certainly He revealed Himself in Jesus, and that should be sufficient. Still, we sometimes want answers, and we want them on our terms, in a way that suits us.

As always, I’m not discrediting the primal cry prayer of “why?” I’m all about being honest and transparent with the Almighty (as if He didn’t know my heart already.) What I’m getting at is just for us to understand and accept that about the time you think you have it all figured out, and have God in a box, He’s fixin’ to bust the box.

There are some pretty significant implications here for all of us. Those implications should give you lots of hope and encouragement.

We tend to put God in one of two boxes, which I’ve already hinted at. He is either all-loving, approving of whatever we do (mutant grace – more on that in a minute); or He’s all-judging, condemning us for the way we live our lives.

So …

• He is all-loving, and He delights in forgiveness. That’s grace. But mutant grace is when we take His nature for granted. Yes, if you’re a believer, you are forgiven. Forgiven of all your sins – past, present, future. But we are not to exploit that. That particular box will be blown to smithereens, because even though you’re forgiven, He won’t tolerate known, willful sin.
• God has subtle ways to correct us and bring us back into a right relationship with Him. Okay … sometimes He isn’t so subtle. Grace is free, but it’s not cheap. Point is, He’s going to do whatever He needs to in order to conform you to the image of Jesus. Hold on tight.
• Conversely, if you check out the other box, it’s not airtight either. He is a God of rage – He hates sin in all its manifestations. He won’t tolerate it. But – and this is a big but – He is so, so patient. He gives us plenty of plenty of chances to live a life that honors Him. He’s not some cosmic potentate demanding His pound of flesh.

What are the implications of this for you personally? What happens when you insist in trying to put God in a box?

• Think about the times when you expected God to act a certain way and He didn’t. How did that make you feel?
• His ways are not your ways. Neither are His thoughts your thoughts.
• He always, always, always has His best interests in mind, not yours. He doesn’t exist to please you.
• HOWEVER – He loves you unspeakably lots, and all that He does in and through and with you is in the context of that love.
• I promise – God is a God of surprises. He will always act according to His nature, and He will always bring glory to Himself. The surprise comes when we think we have it all figured out, and He shows us a part of His nature we weren’t expecting. That, actually, is pretty cool.

So forget trying to put God in a box. It won’t work.

God does not lower His standards to accommodate us, but instead He extends to us the nail-scarred hand of forgiveness to raise us up to His level of righteousness.

O be joyful.

Unforgiveness is not an option. At least, it shouldn’t be.

Here’s why.

During this past week, the nation and world were witness to an amazing legal trial in Dallas. Here’s what www.Relevantmagazine.com shared (and the photo credit is theirs, too):

This week, former police officer Amber Guyger was sentenced to 10 years in prison for the murder of her neighbor Botham Jean. 

Jean was at home by himself when Guyger entered his apartment by mistake, and shot and killed him. He was just 26 years old. Yesterday, after the sentencing, Botham’s younger brother Brandt addressed the court, and delivered a powerful message to Guyger. 

Brandt then nervously asked the judge if he could give Guyger a hug.

The judge also gave Guyger a Bible – and my understanding is that it was the judge’s personal Bible. The folks from Freedom From Religion have just about gone into anaphylactic shock over that.

For Brandt, unforgiveness was not an option.

How about you?

And, my followup question:

Why wouldn’t you forgive? Unforgiveness is not an option.

I’m sure you have plenty of answers to that. It certainly is easy to harbor unforgiveness, even bitterness. Aren’t grudges fun anyway?

Isn’t it a pleasure to despise someone else?

Of course it is. We all enjoy locking eyes with someone who has wronged us or someone we care about and feel that delicious blossoming of malice. It’s fun to wish ill-will on someone else.

Or not.

C’mon, now. What purpose does unforgiveness serve? Who exactly do we want to hurt?

If someone has wronged you or otherwise hurt you, and you haven’t forgiven them, to what end does your unforgiveness lead you?

It won’t take you to a pleasant place. I guarantee it.

• For one, unforgiveness won’t take you back in time. It won’t undo what has been done. It’s called the “past” for a reason.
• Second, it won’t change the person that you won’t forgive. They are who they are. Besides, you can’t change anyone. That’s out of your hands.
• Third, it will change you. It simply makes you feel bad, at the very least. And if you don’t feel bad by being consumed with ill-will, well, I’m guessing you have other issues, too. Maybe your soul has become bitter and shriveled.

Why wouldn’t you forgive? It may be that you’re in a place of such pain that you can’t be anything but negative.

That’s bogus. Because you can always, always, always choose to forgive. Unforgiveness is not an option because you have a will that makes it possible.

It may be that we don’t forgive because we prefer personal misery instead.

Forgiveness is liberating. It brings life and freedom. It gives us authority over ourselves, and, in a sense, gives us authority over the person we didn’t want to forgive. And it shows that we may be a bigger person than they are. That’s not a license to show some sort of “I’m better than they are” attitude. It simply means that we aren’t going to let someone else’s actions devalue us. Forgiveness gives us value.

Then, for the believer, there’s this: Take a look at the Cross.

Did Jesus deserve that? Did He have any reason to die for us, ungrateful little people that we are? Scripture is clear that it was our sin that put Him up there, writhing in agony. Not only did He forgive those that physically put Him up there in real time, He forgave us. He made provision for anyone, anytime, anywhere to receive this supernatural forgiveness.

You’ve heard this thousands of times, but hear it again: We can forgive because He first forgave us. We are supernaturally empowered to forgive others because of Him. For Christ-followers, unforgiveness is not an option.

Paraphrasing R.C. Sproul:

Unforgiveness is having the desire in our hearts to do the will of the enemy of God.

Let this be fresh to you, because the implications are staggering.

You can face life with your head held high and your spirit soaring. And it’s because you can do what Jesus did.

P.S. I’d be honored if you’d check out the free course offered in the Transformational Encouragement Academy and leave some feedback. I want this to be the best resource ever. Check it out here.

There are some people who live their entire lives living for the approval of others. Call it chronic people-pleasing.

I know of a woman who wouldn’t dare leave the house without all the beds being made up. That is not a bad thing – actually, it’s pretty virtuous. There’s a really fine book titled Make Your Bed: Little Things That Can Change Your Life …And Maybe the World that deals with this very thing. Highly recommended.

Here, though, was her motivation, her thinking: “If the house caught on fire, I don’t want the firemen thinking that I’m a slob.” She was serious.

Well okay then. She let the opinions of complete strangers dictate her behavior. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that the firemen probably wouldn’t inspect her beds if the house were burning.

I can, in the abstract, understand her feelings.

My tendency, historically, has been to be a people-pleaser. I want people to like me. When someone says, “I don’t care what other people think,” I think to myself, “Gee, what a nice protective fort you’ve built for yourself.” I can’t relate to that; I do care what people think. Part of that is testimonial – I want folks to look at me and see God at work rather than pathetic ol’ Tony who ain’t all that.

So I’d be lying if I said that my behavior hasn’t at times been dictated by other people’s opinion of me. Living for the approval of of others? I get that.

Here’s where it gets complex.

Some people aren’t going to like you. Ever.

That, for me personally, is inconceivable. I can’t imagine anyone not liking me once they got to know me. I know that the first impression I give isn’t always the best – that’s an introvert thing, not jumping right in all cheerful and engaging. It takes me a minute. (I’ve learned some skills to compensate for that, but if you’ve never met me and I come across as all gregarious and approachable, just know that I’ve worked really, really hard to be able to do that. It doesn’t come naturally.)

Still, because I do easily show genuine interest in others, and do care deeply that people have good lives, get along, have plans that succeed, I don’t know why anyone would not want me around.

Shocker – some folks don’t like me. I don’t think there are that many, but in my mind, one is too many.

Some people don’t like you either, so don’t be getting all high and mighty on me.

How does that manifest itself, and what does that have to do with living for the approval of others?

You become others’ puppet if you aren’t careful, jerked along on invisible strings. There are some people who’ve made up their minds about you, and there really isn’t anything you can do to change their opinions, try as you might.

So why try? Seriously.

Conventional wisdom (by way of Polonius – Hamlet – Wm. Shakespeare) says, “This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.” That’s good counsel, and difficult to take for many of us. (I’ll share even better counsel in a minute.)

I put a high premium on being authentic. But I do adjust my attitude and behavior sometimes based on who I’m with.

Here’s what happens. You can keep the course of y0ur own life, not veering to the right or to the left. Or you can be a chameleon, changing to fit the social environment.

It doesn’t matter. People will form opinions of you no matter what you do, and you can’t force that. You will be judged, sometimes unfairly or inaccurately.

One day, perhaps, people who know you now (or think they know you now) will look back and realize they were wrong. They will see they should have given you a chance. That’s good. It won’t undo what happened in the past, but it’s still good.

In the here and now, though, guard yourself. Don’t do things intended to prove others wrong about you. It’ll exhaust you, trying to change people’s opinions of you. Be steadfast – it’ll save you some confusion. You don’t want to forget who you really are.

Here’s my best counsel (with all due respect to Polonius):

Do what you do for the Lord. Don’t be living for the approval of others. Actually, don’t even do it for yourself. You’re harder to please than anyone else.

Let me be clear: Do what you do for the Lord. He’s the One who has been here all along.

I hope I never get to the place where I take friends for granted. What good are friends, anyway?

I have a gazillion or so acquaintances. There is a significantly smaller percentage of those I call friends. Then there is a scant handful of folks I would consider true friends. What good are they?

Lord knows I can be negligent of them. It’s not because of some sinister design, of wanting to push people away. It comes more from a sense of self-protection. Or I just forget to keep up with them. And, to my everlasting grief, I tend to be all or nothing. Either I benignly neglect you, or I’m obnoxiously all-in.

For instance – if you’re my friend, and I reach out to you, then you can be assured that I’ve let you be a crucial part of a tiny circle. That’s by personal design. (And, candidly, if you’re in that circle and I reach out to you and you blow me off, I won’t love you any less, but I’m done.)

I want friends in my life who will have those rich, convoluted, dense conversations with me. Or not; sometimes it’s nice to share time together in silence. It just depends. I’m just not sure of what it depends on.

I don’t feel that I need a lot of friends. Just a few suit me. I like having plenty of folks around I have an affinity for, but to invest myself in someone who is only interested in shallowness? Uh-uh. I don’t have the energy or capacity for that. I’ll smile politely, and be congenial. That’s as far as it will go.

I’m guessing you have your own criteria that dictates what kind of friends you want or need. I just puked mine all over you. You can come up with your own.

I would say this: We were created social animals. We’re part of a tribe. How that works out in real-life terms for you depends on your makeup. I don’t think you need to apologize for that, or pretend to be something you aren’t. You just be. I don’t know that being a total hermit is ideal, but again, to thine ownself be true.

Just don’t overthink things (which is exactly what I’m doing right now. Ack.)

Rather than letting this be a passive blog that you read and toss aside, would you accept a little assignment from me? You can do this in your head, of course, but it might be informative for you to grab some paper and a pen.

I made myself a list – these are 10 traits I value in my friends. This gets back to my “What good are friends, anyway?”question.

1. Loyalty. I don’t have a lot of use for those who’d ditch me, unless I deserved to be ditched. I want folks who are supportive, encouraging, and at least attempt to be understanding.
2. Sense of humor. You either have this one or you don’t. I want folks who can laugh at themselves and their own absurdities. If you take yourself too seriously, you’re gonna annoy me. And as awful as the world can be these days, you gotta admit that some things that people get all worked up about are actually pretty funny.  Even absurd. (Maybe this is an “eye of the beholder” thing, so keep your hate mail to a minimum.)
3. Compassion. Your default attitude should be “grace and mercy.” Care, and care deeply. Be empathetic. Don’t pretend that you care when you really don’t. Have a cause, and be patient and understanding with those who don’t share the same passions. They have passions of their own. Don’t devalue them – and don’t let them devalue you, either. I think it’s a matter of seeing the world as God sees it.
4. Understanding. That also has a lot to do with tolerance. Be willing to say, “I see.” Going back to our hard-wiring, we all have different world views. Here’s a trait I want in a friend: Be able to try to understand other viewpoints before trying to explain your own. Look: I have some stances that are non-negotiables. If you try to change them, I will give you a polite hearing and not devalue you, even if I think you’re an idiot. (That’s a joke. Sorta.) There is still room in society, to some extent, to have a “live and let live” attitude. At least try to understand where the other person is coming from. That doesn’t mean you have to accept their views. Just listen, even when hollering might be more fun for you. (A caveat: if you are a Christian, and are dealing with a brother or sister in spiritual or scriptural error, don’t forget we’re accountable to each other.)
5. A “ministry of presence.” I don’t know where I first heard that term, but I love it. If you’ve ever been in a situation facing death or a critical illness in someone else, you may have wondered, “What am I supposed to say?” I mean, you don’t want to make things worse. That’s where this “ministry of presence” thing comes in. Just being there, even being silent, is always the right thing. I want that in my friends, even if I’m well. Just be there. You don’t have to keep me engaged in conversation.
6. Honesty without cruelty. Yes, please, be honest with me. But do it in the context of loving me. If I’m wrong, I need to know that. Just don’t be mean. Honesty is always a virtue, but it’s not a club to beat someone up with. Just because you can say something doesn’t mean you have to. And if your exercise in honesty is designed to make some point, and to make you feel superior, your motives are screwed up.
7. Godly. I think this should have the first position in my list (even though they’re not in any particular order.) If you don’t have Jesus, then I can’t share the most important thing in my life with you. That doesn’t mean we can’t be friends. It just means that there is a missing component that will keep our relationship from being as rewarding and complete as it could be.
8. Patient with me. I could camp on this one for days. I have this well-developed ability to be awkward – say things that I regret, or that don’t make sense, or simply look and act uncomfortable. Just ride that out with me, okay? I mean well. My motives are mostly pure. But if I talk like I’m a cross between a babbling two-year-old and a stroke victim, you’re going to have to understand that.
9. Lets me be authentic. I don’t want to have to tiptoe around you. I want to be able to be real. I can sense a phony a mile away. Don’t ever lie to me. I’ll know it, and you’ll know that I know it, even if I don’t call you out. Being real is one of the highest virtues. I want you around me if you’ll give me that freedom.
10. Forgiving. For the life of me, I can’t find a loophole in this forgiveness command from God. You always forgive. Always. It doesn’t mean that you approve, nor does it mean you have to maintain an intimate relationship with someone who has wronged you. Just forgive. And forgive me – I can assure you, if I’m your friend, there will be times when I will disappoint you.

Now. Go make a list of your ten. I think it’ll be an eye-opening exercise.

What good are friends, anyway?

God sends them.

Allow God to give you your friends. The friends He sends your way will be there when you yearn for those long talks – for listening to you when you’re breaking down, during the days that are struggles and the nights are unusually long.

Those friends bring the sun when you’re drowning in the rain.

Your comments, as always, are encouraged and welcomed.

“I hate myself some days.”

Or, perhaps, most days.

Consider these lovely activities:

• You constantly remind yourself of your perceived shortcomings.
• You think about what you should have said instead of what you did say.
• You replay the mistakes you’ve made, even those from years ago.
• You look in the mirror and think, “Who is this loser staring back at me?”
• You believe the negative things people have said to you.
• You yearn for “do-overs” when there aren’t any.
• You realize “I can’t take it back.”

I could go on. You probably don’t want me to.

I don’t know that I’ve ever been in a place that I actually hated myself. But there have been plenty of times I’ve hated what I did/thought/believed. Problem is, for many, it’s virtually impossible to separate what you do from yourself.

Are you defined by your actions? Perhaps.

If you think in terms of how the world perceives you, then, yeah. People’s perceptions of you are based on what they see, not what you think.

What facade you offer the world can be quite different than what’s going on inside. If you’re skilled at mask-wearing, then you can put on that proverbial happy face. People may never know the difference.

“I hate myself some days.” How would you like to reduce some to very few or no?

This is a radical change, and I don’t think there’s a quick fix.

Let’s begin with some basics. And this primarily for Believers, but there are some universal principles in play here.

• God protects you. Think of it as a hedge or wall. This doesn’t mean that bad things won’t happen to you or those you care about. (This is why so many people choke on the teachings of Christianity. It’s that “how can a loving God allow a child to die of leukemia?” We can take that discussion up later.) Fact is – there are a lot of terrible things that never happened because you were protected.
• God protects you from contempt and disapproval. Before you bristle up at me – “Hey, Tony, do you know the awful things people have said about me or to me?” – stick with me. It’s true, some people may view you as worthless at best and despicable at worst. They may say that to your face. They may certainly say that to others. When I say “God protects you,” I mean that He supernaturally equips you to bear up under the slings and arrows of hurtful words. You can’t do anything about what other people say. You can do plenty about your response to it. Remember – hurt people hurt people. Pity those who would devalue you. They are in quiet agony themselves.
• Sometimes, God has to protect you from yourself. You may have critics, but none of them are as severe as you. People may criticize you for what you do or say. You criticize  yourself for who you are – or who you perceive yourself to be.

It’s that contempt and disapproval of ourselves that can bring on that “I hate myself most days” mindset.

Here’s a case study.

Simon Peter was one of Jesus’ disciples.  He was part of that inner circle that included Peter, James, and John. For whatever reason, Jesus invested just a bit more in those three than He did the group as a whole. Don’t accuse Jesus of “having favorites.” He knew what He was doing.

Peter is a piece of work. He was a man of extremes – all or nothing. He tended to engage his mouth long before his brain engaged. I’m guessing the other disciples got really, really annoyed at him. Maybe even jealous – I could make a case that he and Jesus were best buds.

Still – there’s this:

• He spoke disparagingly of the other disciples: “Even if all fall away on account of you, I never will.” Peter is saying, these other guys are wimps. I’m sticking with you no matter what.
  
• “Lord,” said Peter, “why can’t I follow You now? I will lay down my life for You.” Hey, Peter – talk is cheap.
• “Lord,” said Peter, “I am ready to go with You even to prison and to death.” Riiiight.

Those are some big words from this fisherman. Then this classic, horrific incident:

• “Truly I tell you,” Jesus declared, “this very night before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times.” Yep. That’s what Jesus told Peter after Peter mouthed off.
• So. Jesus is arrested. Peter tells the crowd in the courtyard of the high priest that he has no idea who Jesus is.
• Then Peter remembered the word that Jesus had spoken: “Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times.” And he went outside and wept bitterly.

Okay then. Peter really messes up here. It’s the culmination of a lot of big talk. Peter discovered who he really was, not who he perceived himself to be.

Just sketching out the rest of the story – Peter repents. He receives forgiveness from Jesus Himself. And this same Peter – all mouth and bluster – is seen later in the book of Acts as being bold and fearless and a leader in the fledgling church.

“Okay,” you say, “that’s a great redemptive story. What does that have to do with me hating myself most days?”

I’d wager that after Peter denied Jesus in that courtyard, he was filled with self-loathing. He probably thought that he’d blown it, permanently.

Here’s the kicker, though. Jesus never stopped loving him.

Peter could have never done God’s work, could have never had the courage to live on, or the daring to live for Jesus without being wrapped in God’s tender love.

He didn’t need to be protected from the anger of God. God does indeed discipline, even punish, but in this case God made His redemption of Peter clear to him.

Peter didn’t need to be protected from the scorn of his enemies or the resentment of his friends. Both of these issues were likely realities for Peter, but after realizing he was forgiven, he was bulletproof from scorn and resentment. He was right with God. Everything else was  secondary.

God had to protect Peter from himself.

This is the answer to self-loathing and disappointment in yourself. It’s a matter of recognizing your standing with God Himself, who is crazy in love with you. He proved that at the Cross, and He proves it now. He wants you to turn your back on “hating yourself.” He does want you to be accountable for your actions. He doesn’t give a pass on sin. But what He does do – and this is some real comfort – is give you the opportunity to see yourself as He sees you.

You have no reason to hate yourself. God doesn’t. That’s sufficient.

There is a common belief that ostriches bury their heads in the sand because they think that if they can’t see a predator, then the predator can’t see them.

This belief is a handy metaphor for the person who thinks if a problem is ignored it will simply go away.

Fact is, ostriches don’t bury their head in the sand. Ostriches dig shallow holes in the sand, and that’s where they lay their eggs. They use their beaks to turn their eggs several times a day. From a distance, it might look like they’re burying their head.

I’m going to advocate, though, that there are times when it’s appropriate for us to bury our heads in the sand – not as so to ignore a problem with the forlorn hope that it’ll go away, but rather picking and choosing what problems we can safely ignore simply because we need to guard our own hearts.

I ran across this cartoon a few days ago:

 I’m still sort of pondering this.

Disclaimer: I never want this blog to be a political platform for me or anyone else. So factor that out of your thinking, okay?

This is the awful reality. We are bombarded constantly with bad news. It’s everywhere. There are few safe places around that we can be protected from negativity.

It seems that some people absolutely thrive on awfulness. I look at my friends’ posts on Facebook, for instance, and am just brought so very low by what I read. It’s not a matter of me minding others having opposing viewpoints – it’s a matter of how those viewpoints are expressed.

And I think: “To what end? Why are people so desperate to score points against the perceived ‘other team’”?

• Part of it may be the joy of a “gotcha!” moment. As in, “I’ll point out how clueless other people are. That’ll be helpful.”
• Part of it is the old “preaching to the choir” mindset. It reminds those of like opinion that they are not alone. People enjoy having their posts “liked” and having folks agree with them.
• It might be that people post things to attempt to sway others to their viewpoint. There may be times when that actually worked, but I’d classify that as a miracle or exception.

Stepping outside of social media, think about other entry points into your mind and heart:

• The 24-hour news cycle. You gotta fill that time with something if you’re a newscaster.
• Cable news in general. In the latter days of my mama’s life, she’d have CNN or Fox or something on the TV round the clock. I would absolutely lose my mind if I had to subject myself to that.
• Ease of acquiring information. I’m just a click away from having access to most anything.
• Tech devices. I am currently armed with my iPhone. I’m typing on a keyboard on my iPad. My MacBook isn’t working, and it’s causing some anxiety as I wait for my appointment at the Apple Store. Am I in bondage to all this gee-whiz gadgetry? Are you? You decide.

I could go on. You get the idea.

Here’s the point. Where your mind dwells, that’s where your heart is, too. If you surround yourself with negativity, you become negative. Fill your mind with goodness, and goodness becomes a part of your life.

Some people may say that they can compartmentalize, and what they take in doesn’t influence them. I don’t buy that for a nanosecond.

This I believe: constant, willful exposure to the nastier aspects of our world ultimately devalues our souls.

Look. I have a degree in journalism. My day job is associate editor of a large religious newsjournal. I understand the virtues in being well-informed. It’s important to be curious about the world around us.

But – and it’s a huge but – how much information do you take in that you can actually take action on? If you hear about some tragedy in Hong Kong, and it makes you feel awful, what can you do about it?

Certainly you can pray. You should pray for any heartbreak in the world. You should pray that God’s presence be felt.

It makes sense for me, though, to protect myself from things I can’t do anything about. Look at that cartoon again. See where I’m going with this?

There are plenty of things you can’t control. But you can control, to a big extent, what you let come into your mind, and then into your heart.

If protecting yourself means burying your head in the sand, it might not be a bad strategy for your mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being.

Here are my thoughts. Take ‘em or leave ‘em.

• Restrict your intake of news. Again, this isn’t about being uninformed. It’s a matter of getting just enough to give you a sense of what’s going on around you. But to subject yourself to the same awful story over and over can’t be healthy.
• Focus on the things you can actually do something about. If you aren’t happy with someone in office, say, then vote them out. In the United States, we have this really cool reset button. Vote in your guy or girl next time.
• If there are things you are exposed to that you can’t do anything about – move on. Don’t dwell on the “what if’s?” I heard a neat term used in counseling a while back: “Catastrophizing.” It’s irrationally looking to the worst possible outcome of any incident or circumstance. Mama called it “borrowing trouble.”
• Ask yourself: “Do I find satisfaction in learning of and exploiting someone else’s failures?” If that’s so, then “Why am I like that?” is a sensible next question.
• Find a cause that’s worth investing your life in and do it. And do it while not taking advantage of someone else. If you’re passionate about animal rights, for instance, I think that’s terrific. Just don’t devalue people who aren’t as passionate as you. This comes under the category of “guarding your heart” because you’ll save yourself some frustration when you realize we all have things important to us. And those things don’t necessarily have to be the same.
• Restrict your “I’m right, therefore you’re wrong” impulses to a minimum. Who knows? Sometimes the other person might be right.
• There may be some people in your life that want to drag you down right along with them. Love them anyway. That gives you extraordinary power. But – choose, as best you can, how you interact with them.

Bottom line: Guard your heart. You can have a heart that is open and expansive and accessible. Perhaps, though, you’ve laid it out there to be abused.

You can’t control what others do to your heart. But you can control what you voluntarily put into it.

Self-awareness is a scary thing.

For one, confronting and evaluating yourself can be thoroughly unpleasant. It’s like looking under a rock and finding the nastiest, slimiest slug imaginable, trailing its thread of goo.

It’s possible, though, that self-awareness can be pleasant. You look at where you once were and where you are now, and think, wow, I’ve come a long way. I’m not the person I used to be. That’s a good thing.

In any case, a periodic time to examine yourself is a positive way to be something better than you are. You can see your shortcomings and go to work on them. Or, you can see where you’re thriving and build on that.

Let’s go a step further.

Self-awareness can be a companion to others-awareness. The idea is that you are who you are in large part because of those who have entered (and perhaps exited) your life.

Think about this. Think about those whose lives have intersected yours. I’d suggest those intersections aren’t random.

This was very much on my mind when I got up this morning. I’m old enough to have known hundreds, if not thousands of people. Some I knew and know intimately. Others are the barest of acquaintances. I know many of them because of personal contact. And, interestingly enough, I truly believe I’ve come to know and love some people because of contact through social media. (And before the chorus of haters break into song, I totally understand that cybercontact is a pale imitation of personal “same space” contact. But it does have it’s place. And there are people I’ve never met physically that sure mean a lot to me. I also know that I only know of people online what they choose to reveal, but that’s another discussion.)

Think about this. There are people who are important to you. People who are unimportant to you. They cross your life, love appropriately, or interact carelessly. You have your ordained time with them. And they move on, and you are fine with that.

There are others who enter your life and you think, “Why in the world did I ever have to encounter them?” They devalue your spirit and suck dry your soul. One day they’re gone. You take a deep breath, mutter “thank God,” and move on. You are fine with that, too.

Then there are the unique others. I can think of a half-dozen of them in my own life. These are the folks that leave and you experience a quiet, piercing, agony and wonder why they had to go and leave such a gaping hole. That’s happened to you, right? They are gone. And you look at those currently present in your life and wonder, “O my goodness. What if they were to go, too?”

This is the way of life.

• Children leave parents.
• Friends leave friends.
• Romantic couples part company.
• People move away to a new home.
• People simply grow apart.
• Enemies hate and move on.
• Friends love and move on.

There are those who I was especially fond of that have now drifted into the hazy recesses of my memory. I still think about them.

There are those who are close to me now. I look at them and wonder.

What do you do when you are afraid of having to move on from someone? Or, even more significantly, what if you are the one that has to do the moving?

Ancient script says this, through the words of the Apostle Paul to his young student, mentoree, and friend Timothy. (In addition to all his other gifts and responsibilities, Paul may have been the first youth minister.)

”For I am already being poured out as a drink offering,† and the time for my departure is close. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. There is reserved for me the crown† of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge,† will give me on that day, and not only to me, but to all those who have loved his appearing.” *

Paul knew he was soon to leave this world. He knew that he wanted to leave Timothy with words to comfort him, but at the same time he wanted to be realistic in saying, “Timothy, my dear friend, I am finished. And it is all good.”

But I am enraptured with this imagery, the word pictures Paul paints! “I have fought the good fight.” “I have finished the race.” “I have kept the faith.” Old Paul. He realized he’d completed what he was put here to do. He was at total peace.

So, we have Paul and Timothy, who are, in effect, saying their goodbyes.

There are times when we have to do the same thing. As I’ve already mentioned, I believe that how we say and experience our goodbyes has to do with the context of what is happening.

I’m so stinking socially awkward and so all up in my head it’s a miracle I can even function outside the house. (That’s a joke. Mostly.) I’ll have a conversation with someone and walk away thinking, “What did I just say? Did it make sense? Did I make it too hard for them to understand where I was coming from? Did I say too much? Did I babble? Did I say something inappropriate? Did I say something to make them dread having any more contact with me? Did I say the right thing for them to know my heart and not be uncomfortable or freak out? Did I simply try too hard?”

I strive mightily to not care about those things. So far, I’m an utter failure.

In spite of that, people, I believe in God’s master plan for our lives. It doesn’t really matter all that much how good I was at communicating or relating.

Back to the goodbyes thing: I believe that God moves people in and out of each others’ lives. I think we each leave our mark on others. I believe we are all made up of little moments, little points of contact, little poignant memories of everyone who has ever touched our lives, whether we’re aware of it or not.

I believe you are more because of it. And I think you would be less if those precious lives had not intersected.

I pray God that we accept everyone who comes into our lives with humility and wonder.

I pray we never question. And I pray we never regret.

* 2 Timothy 4:6-8

What was it the old preacher said? “Put the hay where the sheep can get to it.”

Maybe today you’re feeling sheepish, and need some good hay. I hope this’ll fit the bill.

The context: I’ve spoken before about the gap between where I want and need to be and where I actually am. Chances are you know what I’m talking about. It’s a matter of having values and standards, and knowing clearly what they are … and not acting on them in real-life situations.

Or, you ask for advice and if it doesn’t appeal to you – even if it’s good – you don’t take it.

Worst of all, you’re aware that your attitudes, and the actions that grow from them, are stifling your growth. You get frustrated, and paralyzed, and you stay in the same sorry state you’re already in. And THAT leads to self-loathing and a sense of being unworthy.

Take heart. It doesn’t have to remain that way, but you do have to act.

Let me share six thoughts with you. Each thought should ideally lead to action on your part. Let’s strive for deeds and not just words with this list, okay?

1. Hate no one, no matter how much the’ve wronged you. (And I’m sure you’re saying, dang, Tony, that’s not what I wanted to hear right out of the chute.) For some, hate comes easily, and I wouldn’t presume in this simple blog to try to analyze the why’s. It may be that ingrained childish impulse to hurt back when we’ve been hurt (as if that would change anything.) I’m not persuaded that hating anyone for any reason ends up positively for the person doing the hating. I’m not discounting the crystalline pain that comes when someone does you wrong. What I do want to state is that hate won’t undo what has already happened. That’s rear-view mirror stuff. And that person entered your life for a reason, as unfathomable as that might be. We can learn lessons from good and bad people. Bottom line: hating someone else doesn’t change a thing. If anything, it makes you feel even worse.
2. Live humbly, no matter how wealthy you are. This may not be an issue for you, because you feel you don’t have much to begin with. This actually has more to do with our Western fixation on “stuff” – acquiring and holding onto material things. I’ll admit that there are thing I appreciate – air conditioning in my car, my Instant Pot, Netflix. I am thoroughly unimpressed with people who flaunt their things. If you determine your worth based on your “worth,” then how will you feel when you don’t have it any more? The goal is to simply live humbly, as in “live within your means,” and be grateful for that. I struggle with delayed gratification, because when I want something I want it then. That’s put me in a tough place more than once. Right now, take a moment and look around. My guess is you have everything you need and a lot of things you simply want, and that’s not a bad thing. You are doing fine. Better than fine, actually.
3. Think positively, no matter how hard life is. This is not some pop psychology, pump yourself up directive. You can start by realizing that you are not unique and that there are a couple of gazillion other people who have faced or are facing the same challenges you are. That may not lessen your pain, but there is some comfort in knowing you aren’t alone. Second, thinking positively may not change your situation, but it will change you. You for sure can’t change other people, and you may not be able to change your circumstances. You can change your heart. This should be self-evident. I mean, don’t you feel better when you embrace the positive rather than dwell on the negative? You are responsible. You can change your outlook. Pity the person who builds themselves a cage of misery, places themselves in it, and locks the door and tosses away the key. When you don’t think positively, what you are saying is that you are psychic to the extent that you know exactly what is going to happen, i.e., things will never get any better. You are positive because there is always hope.
4. Give much, even if you’ve been given little. We can start with giving away tangible things – money, for instance. I know money is hard to come by, and there is something in our primordial nature that makes us want to cling to what we have. Even now, I’m watching our granddaughter try to grasp the concept of sharing, and it doesn’t come easy. She’s pretty selective about what she shares, and with who. But you know how good you feel when you’re able to help someone else out? How about if that was a lifestyle? And if you’re operating from a scarcity mindset, just remember that you are living in abundance. For believers, remember that ancient script tells us that God owns the cattle on a thousand hills. That’s a nice transitional thought to the principle of giving yourself away. Is there anything more noble or rewarding than spending yourself in a cause bigger than yourself? Or giving yourself to someone who can be blessed because of you? You may not have much money, but you do have a big ol’ heart. Be expansive. Be extravagant.
5. Forgive all, especially yourself. This is a companion thought to #1, above. Here’s the reality – folks have done you bad. You may even have a “nemesis” out there, someone who is simply out to get you. Or they’ve already gotten you. I’ve looked hard, and I can’t for the life of me find justification to not forgive. There’s not a loophole in sight. Forgiveness isn’t conditional. We could tease out some scenarios where you might feel justified in saying, “I just can’t forgive so-and-so for what they did,” but that justification won’t stand up under the reality of what we are commanded to do. Then there’s the matter of forgiving yourself. This is a tough one. You know yourself, your heart, and what you’ve done. It may be that there is real shame attached to something in your past. Again, though, you can’t take it back. Don’t pretend that feeling bad about yourself will make you feel better. There is a biblical concept called “repentance,” which means not only do you feel conviction about what you’ve done, but you resolve to accept forgiveness and turn away from the thing that caused personal grief in the first place. Don’t dwell on the bad you’ve done. Concentrate on the good that is in you.
6. Never stop praying for the best for everyone. If you ever catch yourself wishing ill will on someone else, shame on you. How would wanting someone to hurt help you? There may be a perverse satisfaction in seeing “someone get what was coming to them,” but it is a satisfaction based on our own selfish sense of vengeance. I’ve heard this all my life, but I’ve finally accepted that it’s hard to hate someone when you’re praying for them. You’ll have to determine what someone else’s “best” is as you pray for them. A good place to start is to pray for that person’s hard heart, that it be softened and opened to the possibility of goodness and peace. My boss says “hurt people hurt people,” and that’s a pretty wise statement. Wouldn’t your own heart be softened if you knew someone who dislikes you was praying for you?

These six thoughts are all interconnected, and one is not more important than the other. So do a little introspection, determine where you need to go to work, and get after it. Be hopeful. Who you are not is not who you’re destined to remain.