This week, I want to dive into a memory lane moment that’s been tugging at my heartstrings, all centered around a term we’re all too familiar with — bullying. But, I’m not just talking about the kind we remember from the playground; I’m eyeing its more grown-up, yet equally damaging counterpart in our adult lives.

This grows from an incident I saw in the news that can only be classified as bullying, and it involves public figures, grown men. Frankly, it’s troubled me perhaps more than it should have. Let me tell you a story. There are some real parallels here.

My thoughts drift back to a childhood memory from Camp Ridgecrest for Boys — a memory that, oddly enough, has rippled through the years, influencing my understanding of kindness, courage, and the subtle forms of bullying that don’t always leave visible scars.

I was in the 6th grade, sharing a cabin with five other boys, one of whom, Ernie, had a stutter. His vulnerability became the target of another cabin mate, Herbie, who found a perverse delight in mocking him. Despite Ernie’s attempts to laugh it off, the bullying escalated until it reduced him to tears. Herbie accomplished what he set out to do. As a witness, my silence has since felt like complicity, a haunting reminder of the power of our actions — and inactions. I should have said or done something. As a 6^th grader, though, I guess I didn’t want to run the risk of being treated like Ernie had been.

The memory serves as a stark reflection on bullying, not just as a relic of our school days but as a shadow that can follow us into adulthood, morphing into forms that are harder to recognize but equally harmful. Adult bullying may not involve stolen lunch money or physical altercations, but it can manifest in workplace politics, social exclusion, or cutting remarks dressed as jokes, even to the extent of making fun of someone’s physical appearance or handicaps. These actions, though less overt, stem from the same desire to exert power over another.

As Christians, or simply as humans striving to be better, we’re compelled to ask ourselves, “What would Jesus do?” This question isn’t meant to invoke guilt but to encourage a profound introspection about our conduct and its impact on those around us. Jesus’ life was a testament to love, inclusivity, and standing up for the marginalized — a guidepost for our interactions.

Acknowledging feelings of complicity in the face of bullying is not an admission of defeat but a step toward growth. It’s a call to action, urging us to be vigilant and brave, to stand up against injustices, and to support those who are being diminished. Our silence can be as impactful as our words, and choosing to speak out can be a beacon of hope for someone in the throes of bullying.

As adults, we wield considerable influence — through our actions, our words, and our decisions about when to speak and when to listen. This influence gives us a unique responsibility to create environments (churches?) where respect and kindness overshadow the impulse to belittle or dominate. It’s about building communities where the Ernies of the world feel supported and valued, not for their ability to endure mockery but for their inherent worth as individuals.

This is an invitation — a call to reflect on our behaviors and the subtle ways we might contribute to or combat bullying in our everyday lives. It’s an encouragement to foster empathy, to be the ally that our younger selves needed, and to cultivate spaces where compassion drowns out cruelty.

In closing, let’s remember that the lessons learned on the playground have far-reaching implications. The way we navigate adult bullying, standing up for fairness and kindness, can transform our workplaces, homes, and social circles into havens of respect and understanding. By doing so, we honor the spirit of what Jesus taught, living out our faith through actions that speak louder than words.

Together, let’s pledge to be the change, to be adults who embody the virtues we wish to see in the world. Because in the end, it’s not just about preventing bullying; it’s about nurturing a society where every person is seen, heard, and valued — where the playground, the workplace, and the church are places of growth, not battlegrounds for dominance.

What do you do when God doesn’t fix things? If you’re a believer, does that fit into your worldview?

There are lots of things I wasn’t aware of when I became a Christian. My faith was shallow, because I was just a baby in the faith. I didn’t know there were times when God doesn’t fix things. I thought if I prayed just the right kind of prayers and believed, then everything would go my way.

No. It doesn’t work that way. Right?

I made the comment the other day that the natural state of the Christian was suffering. (That statement is a great platform for church growth, right?) What I’ve come to understand, though, is that suffering doesn’t cancel out joy. What a paradox.

Fact is, sometimes God doesn’t answer, at least in the fashion we believe He should. It’s that old adage of God answers all prayers, either with yes, no, or wait.

“No” doesn’t suit us well. That means that in some cases, God doesn’t fix things, at least the way I wanted Him to.

Ancient script is full of this line of thinking. I don’t know why we gloss over 2 Corinthians 12:7-10, like this was something unique to the apostle Paul and not to us:

^{7 …}or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.⁸ Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Paul sort of answers his own question here, because God doesn’t fix things, at least in the manner he begged Him to do.

Paul prays the same prayer three times. The first time, I just bet he believed that God would deliver. That mystery thorn? One and done.

Not.

I wonder how Paul’s prayer sounded:

“Lord, I really need you to help me. I need to have this thorn dealt with and removed. It’s awful, and painful, and I’d be much more effective for You if You’d take it away. It’s satanic.”

God responds: “Sorry, pal.”

Paul gives it another shot:

”God, really. I don’t get it. Things aren’t better. They may even be worse. I feel like I’m handicapped. I don’t see how I can serve like You want me to. I’d be a much more effective leader, teacher, and friend. I know You can deal with this thing, once and for all. Can I count on You to be God and bring glory to Yourself by delivering me?”

God says, “Your prayers are noted. Carry on.”

Paul, round three:

”Almighty God, I know when Jesus died He took all our sins on Himself on the cross. If I’m in sin in some way, and that’s why You aren’t dealing with this horrific thorn, then please forgive me. I repent. I’m in such awful pain, and I don’t know how long I can go on like this. I’m begging, in Jesus’ name … heal me and take this away from me.”

And God said, “I don’t guess you get it. Here’s what you need to learn: My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.“

Paul says, “Roger that.”

Here’s our lesson, and it’s a good one to embrace. Hard, but good. It’s what we need to learn when we think God doesn’t fix things:

• When you’re weak and in the lowest of lows, guess what – you actually are strong.
• God understands when you’re crushed by grief, when you’re about to lose it, when you’re frustrated to the max, and you are at the end of your proverbial rope.
• The transaction is for you to exchange your weakness for His strength. It’s totally okay to admit you ain’t got what it takes.
• You are part of The Plan. You may not be privy to it, but that’s okay, too. Just accept the ride.
• Here’s your word for the day: Release.
• Be well. Be blessed.

I’m preaching to myself this morning, and thought I’d let you be part of my one-person congregation.

Here’s what is true. You are carrying a burden that gnaws at your mind and heart. It’s heavy, isn’t it? That feeling of something being not quite right, of decisions left unmade or actions not taken. This burden? You know it well because, truth be told, it’s self-inflicted. You know what to do but won’t do it. It’s like knowing the path but refusing to walk it. And I get it. We’ve all been there.

But here’s the thing about this burden – it’s corrupting your life, your relationships, everything. It’s like a little bit of rust that, left unchecked, weakens the strongest metal. It’s not just about you anymore; it’s about how this burden spills over into every interaction, every relationship. It might start small, but it has a way of growing, doesn’t it?

Now, let’s pause for a second. I know this sounds serious but hold on. Here comes the good part. Listen closely. In Christ, you have nothing to hide. You see, those things we bury deep inside, those mistakes or regrets we’re afraid to face, in Christ, they’re out in the open – and yet, we’re safe. There’s no need to put on a mask, to pretend to be someone you’re not.

Nothing to prove. That relentless drive to show the world how capable, how successful, or how unbothered we are? In Christ, that pressure is off. You’re already valued, loved, more than you know. It’s not about what you do; it’s about who you are in Him.

Nothing to fear. This is a big one. Fear can be paralyzing – fear of failure, of rejection, of the unknown. But in Christ, fear loses its grip. It’s like stepping out into a storm and realizing you’re not alone, and the one who’s with you can calm the wind and the waves.

And finally, nothing to lose. In a world where we’re constantly told to protect our assets, our status, our egos, it’s liberating to know that in Christ, what truly matters can’t be taken away. It’s a security that isn’t based on the shifting sands of circumstance but on the solid rock of His love and grace.

So, what’s the solution to this burden you’re carrying? It’s simple, yet profound. Repent. Obey. Repentance isn’t just about saying sorry; it’s about turning around, going a different way. It’s about choosing a path that leads to healing and wholeness. And obeying? It’s about aligning your steps, your heart, your life with His. It’s about taking those steps, even when they’re hard.

I just gave you and me the solution to basically every problem we have. He wants to make you whole again. It’s not just a nice thought; it’s a promise. A promise of a life filled with purpose, peace, and joy. A promise that no matter how far you’ve strayed, you’re never too far from His reach.

So, take a deep breath. Let go of that burden. Step into the light of His love. You’ve got this, not because of who you are, but because of who He is in you. And remember, in Christ, you truly have nothing to hide, nothing to prove, nothing to fear, and absolutely nothing to lose.

Forgiving God may seem like an unusual concept in Christian theology. After all, isn’t God, who is perfect and sinless, the one who forgives us? However, when we feel anger, pain, or disappointment due to perceived unfairness in life, the process of ‘forgiving’ God can help us release negative emotions and realign our hearts with Him.

This blog grew out of a conversation I had just last night. I heard about a young lady who lost her mother, went through multiple pregnancies and abortions, substance abuse, the whole nine yards. Her attitude toward God was “why?” She blamed God for her mother’s death, and by inference blamed Him from everything else that was wrong. (She’s healed and whole now, so there is a very happy ending.)

Understandably, life often presents us with circumstances that appear unjust or unexplainable. In such instances, you might find yourself angry with God. Key point – it’s crucial to remember that God doesn’t need our forgiveness in the literal sense because He never sins or makes mistakes. Instead, when we talk about forgiving God, it’s about acknowledging our feelings of anger or betrayal, processing these emotions, and then releasing them, allowing ourselves to trust in God’s goodness and sovereignty once again.

When our expectations collide with reality, disappointment is a natural reaction. Often, this disappointment is directed towards people around us – loved ones, colleagues, or friends. But, at times, we might even feel disappointed with God, the omnipotent figure who, in our understanding, holds our lives in His hands. If you’re wrestling with these feelings, you’re not alone. Disappointment with God is a shared human experience and requires a compassionate, introspective, and grace-filled response.

It’s about adjusting our perspective, understanding that God’s wisdom transcends our human comprehension. Isaiah 55:8-9 says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” God operates on a divine timeline and with an eternal perspective that we, as finite beings, can’t fully grasp.

So. How do we unpack all this? It’s heavy stuff, but I think there are some answers.

Firstly, it’s important to acknowledge that it’s okay to feel disappointed.

Christianity is not a faith of stoicism or indifference. Throughout the Bible, we encounter many instances of God’s people wrestling with feelings of disappointment, doubt, and despair. Job questioned God in his suffering, and David cried out in Psalms: “Why, O Lord, do you stand far away? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?” (Psalm 10:1). Even Jesus on the cross cried out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46).

Feelings of disappointment with God are not indicators of weak faith; rather, they are evidence of an engaged, authentic relationship with God. Like any relationship, our bond with God involves emotional peaks and valleys. The key is to remember that it’s not about eliminating our feelings but understanding them.

Secondly, it’s crucial to bring your feelings to God.

God is a loving Father who cares deeply about your experiences, including your disappointments. Talk to Him, express your feelings, ask hard questions, just as David and Job did. It may seem counterintuitive, but sharing your disappointment with God is an act of trust. It means you believe He cares for you and understands your pain.

Next, let’s lean into His Word.

The Bible offers a vast array of perspectives on dealing with disappointment. There is the ever helpful Romans 8:28. Paul writes: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” This verse is not a dismissal of our disappointment but a reminder that God’s perspective is eternal. Our present disappointments may be part of a larger plan we can’t yet perceive.

It’s also necessary to adjust our expectations.

God is not a genie to grant our every wish but a wise Father who knows what’s best for us. Some folks choke on this. Often, our disappointments stem from unmet expectations, which can sometimes be misguided. Another classic, Proverbs 3:5-6 advises, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Letting go of our need to control outcomes can alleviate disappointment.

Finally, don’t hesitate to seek support from your Christian community.

Share your feelings with a trusted friend, pastor, or mentor. These individuals can provide you with perspective, comfort, and wisdom.

Remember, God’s love is steadfast, His plans are good, and His mercy is new every morning. Feeling disappointed with God doesn’t mean He has failed you. Instead, it’s an invitation to deepen your relationship with Him, to explore your faith more deeply, and to seek His comforting presence in your disappointment.

When we ‘forgive’ God, we’re not pardoning Him for a wrong He’s done. Instead, we’re acknowledging that our understanding is limited, and we’re choosing to trust Him. We are surrendering our perceived right to question His wisdom and fairness. In doing this, we open ourselves to His healing touch and restore our faith in His infinite wisdom and boundless love.

This journey of ‘forgiveness’ is not always easy and might require patience, prayer, and spiritual guidance. In these moments, remember Paul’s words in 2 Corinthians 12:9: “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

So, take heart. Your disappointment doesn’t disqualify you from God’s love; it draws you closer to His heart. Remember to engage honestly with your feelings, communicate openly with God, immerse yourself in His Word, align your expectations with His wisdom, and lean on your Christian community. In this journey, you will discover that even in disappointment, there’s a gift – the gift of God’s grace.

So, when we find ourselves wrestling with the concept of forgiving God, it’s not about finding fault in Him but about realigning our hearts with His. It’s a step towards healing, acceptance, and a deeper understanding of His unending grace.

Today, you are about to embark on a deep and profound journey. It’s about a place most of us have been to – some of us more than once. It’s a messy place, filled with confusion, hurt, anger, regret, but also hope and growth. It’s the rocky terrain of broken relationships. This journey is not just about the heartache, but also about the redemption that comes after – forgiveness, reconciliation, and healing. And from our Christian faith, we know that with God, all things are possible.

Broken relationships are an unfortunate but real part of life. They can leave you feeling lost, shattered, and questioning your own self-worth. As we navigate through these feelings, it’s essential to remember that hope is never entirely lost, even in the darkest times. It’s never too late to start the process of healing and restoration. That’s where your journey begins.

And … we’re off. This is good stuff. It will help you. 

The Reality of Brokenness and The Hope in Christ

Relationships, like anything in this world, can fracture due to a variety of reasons – misunderstandings, betrayals, unmet expectations, or simply drifting apart. In these moments of heartache, it’s crucial to remember the message of Romans 8:28: 

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

No matter how grim or hopeless a situation may seem, God’s love and grace are always at work. Even in the valleys of despair, He is molding you, teaching you, and preparing you for better days.

Each situation is unique, but a common theme is the lack of communication and understanding. We’ve all been there, haven’t we? The conversations that never happened, the words left unsaid, the feelings left unexpressed – they all contribute to the breaking point.

Bummer.

The Path to Forgiveness

It’s time to pick up that first piece – Forgiveness. Now, this is a big one. I can almost hear you saying “Easier said than done!” And you’re right. Forgiveness isn’t about forgetting or condoning the hurt caused. It’s about freeing yourself from the hold that the past has on you. It’s about choosing to not let past hurts dictate your present or future. It’s not an event, it’s a process. But let’s remember, as followers of Christ, forgiveness is not optional; it’s a calling. Matthew 18:21-22 says, 

“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.'”

Forgiveness does not erase the pain or condone the wrong, but it does break the chains of bitterness and resentment. It frees us from the prison of past hurts and allows you to move forward.

Read that last paragraph again. 

Reconciliation: The Bridge to Restored Relationships

Reconciliation is not always possible or even the best route in every situation. I’m mindful of what was once a great relationship I had with someone which just doesn’t seem to be salvageable. Man, that hurts.  But when it is possible, it’s like the bridge connecting two lands that were torn apart.

Remember, reconciliation isn’t about sweeping things under the rug. It’s about bringing issues to the surface, addressing them, and resolving them together. It’s about rebuilding trust, mending communication, and renewing the connection. It’s about acknowledging the past without being anchored to it. It’s a brave choice that requires a lot of courage, understanding, and patience.

Reconciliation, when possible and appropriate, is a beautiful testament to God’s transformative power in our relationships. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19 teaches us, 

“All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them.”

Reconciliation isn’t about ignoring past hurts, but rather, it’s about confronting them with grace, love, and humility. It requires honest communication, genuine repentance, and the rebuilding of trust.

Healing: Growth from the Ashes

Finally, we come to healing – the green shoots of hope sprouting from the ashes of a broken relationship. Healing, like forgiveness, is a process, not a destination. It’s the new dawn following the darkest of nights

Psalms 147:3 tells us, 

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” 

Healing may mean moving forward from a relationship that was beyond repair, or it may mean building a stronger, more understanding bond out of the fragments of a broken relationship. Either way, healing involves self-love, acceptance, and growth.

A key part of healing is recognizing the growth that comes from pain. Remember, you’re not the same person who started this journey. You’ve grown, you’ve learned, and you’ve become stronger.

James 1:2-4 encourages us,

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

The Promise of Hope

Relationships can break, and it can be devastating. But within that devastation lies the seed of hope. Hope for forgiveness, for reconciliation, and for healing. It’s not an easy journey, but it is one worth taking. It’s a journey of self-discovery, growth, and ultimately, of love.

In your journey, remember, you are not alone. You are surrounded by a community that supports you and walks with you, and above all, you are cherished by a God who turns your trials into triumphs.

So, pilgrim, even in the midst of the storm of a broken relationship, remember, there is always hope. You can find the strength to move forward. This process, albeit challenging, brings you closer to God, allows you to grow in His grace, and reminds you of the unfailing love and mercy of our Creator.

Stay blessed, and keep hope alive!

Last week I experienced what I thought was a bone-crushing disappointment. Man alive, it hurt. Part of it was my fault, I suppose. Part of it was just a “thing.”

I was disappointed in how I responded to disappointment. That’s a pretty vicious circle, right?

Disappointment is an inevitable part of life. Whether it’s a missed promotion, a failed relationship, or an unexpected event, we all experience letdowns from time to time. But disappointment doesn’t have to define us or keep us stuck.

Since I’m so dang prone to internalize my feelings – make things about me – I know I need to learn to do better, to roll with it.

After overthinking disappointment, and looking to ways to move on, I’ve come up with some points. I culled these from a lot of different sources and made them my own. I’d encourage you to do the same. 

1 – Acknowledge and validate your feelings.

When disappointment hits, give yourself permission to feel the emotions that come with it. Acknowledge the hurt, frustration, or sadness that you’re experiencing. Validate your feelings by recognizing that it’s normal to feel disappointed and it doesn’t mean you are weak or a failure. 

Remember, allowing yourself to feel is the first step towards healing. Don’t wall yourself away from how you feel. You aren’t a bot. You aren’t A.I. (Are you? It’s getting hard to tell.)

2 – Reframe your perspective.

Take a step back and try to view the situation from a different angle. Ask yourself if there’s a lesson to be learned, an opportunity for growth, or a silver lining. By reframing the disappointment, you can shift your focus from what didn’t work out to what you can gain from the experience.

Perspective, yes? Treat yourself to that 20,000 foot view. Say this: “On the other hand …”

3 – Create a plan for moving forward.

I’m all about making plans. It keeps me from being paralyzed. It gives me something to do.

Instead of dwelling on the disappointment, turn your attention to actionable steps you can take to move forward. Whether it’s setting new goals, seeking professional help, or connecting with your support system, creating a plan can help you regain a sense of control and purpose.

There are maybe a gazillion or so planning tools out there. I am struck by how few folks actually make plans, come up with goals, and such. Trust me – it makes a difference. If you don’t aim at something, you’ll hit it every time.

4 – Practice self-compassion.

Be kind to yourself during this difficult time. Remind yourself that everyone experiences disappointment, and it’s okay to not have everything figured out. Treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding you would offer a friend in a similar situation.

In other words – don’t beat yourself up. It won’t help.

5 – Surround yourself with positive influences.

Connect with friends, family, or colleagues who uplift and support you. Share your feelings and experiences with them, and allow them to help you navigate through your disappointment. Being around positive people can help you regain a sense of hope and optimism.

I’m pretty sure you are around folks who suck the life out of you. You may not be able to do anything about them. Just seek out those who are light-bringers. 

6 – Develop resilience.

Also known as “suck it up, buttercup.”

Disappointment can be an opportunity to build resilience. Learn from your setbacks and use them as stepping stones to grow stronger and more adaptable. By developing resilience, you’ll be better equipped to handle future challenges and disappointments.

It’s tempting to cave. Don’t yield. Just don’t. 

7 – Focus on your strengths and accomplishments.

Even if we’ve never met, this is true of you: You have done good things. You have blessed others. You have had a setback. So?

When disappointment strikes, it’s easy to lose sight of your strengths and achievements. Take some time to reflect on your past successes and the qualities that make you unique. Focusing on your strengths can help rebuild your confidence and motivate you to keep moving forward.

Dealing with disappointment is a natural part of life. I wish it weren’t so, but it’s universal. By acknowledging your feelings, reframing your perspective, creating a plan, practicing self-compassion, surrounding yourself with positive influences, developing resilience, and focusing on your strengths, you can successfully navigate through disappointment and emerge stronger and more resilient than before. Remember, it’s not the disappointments that define us, but how we choose to handle them that truly matters.

Talk later!

Negative self-talk? You prone to that? Let’s work on it.

As Christians, we believe that we are created in the image of God and that God loves us unconditionally. However, sometimes we forget this truth and allow negative self-talk to take over our minds. This is a pretty nasty deal. Negative self-talk can be incredibly destructive, holding us back from pursuing our dreams, preventing us from taking risks, and robbing us of our joy and peace.

But here’s the good news: we don’t have to live with negative self-talk. By recognizing when negative thoughts are taking over our minds, replacing them with positive ones, and trusting in God’s promises, we can get rid of negative self-talk and live the joyful, peaceful, and fulfilling lives that God intended for us.

Recognizing Negative Self-Talk

The first step in getting rid of negative self-talk is recognizing when it’s taking over our minds. Negative self-talk can take many forms, such as telling ourselves we’re not good enough, smart enough, or talented enough. It can also take the form of a nagging feeling that we’ll never measure up to our own or other people’s expectations. Whatever form it takes, negative self-talk can be incredibly destructive.

One way to recognize negative self-talk is to pay attention to the thoughts we have throughout the day. When we notice a negative thought, we can pause and ask ourselves if it’s true. Often, we’ll find that the negative thought is based on a lie, rather than on reality. You’ll have to come up with your own list of triggers, but it’s easy to lie to yourself and believe what you’re saying.

Keeping It Positive

Once we recognize negative self-talk, we can take steps to replace it with positive thoughts that align with God’s truth. Notice I’m talking about God’s truth and not “truth” from another source. I’m an absolute truth kind of guy … truth, by its nature, can’t contradict itself. I’m talking about truth with no mixture of error, and that’s from God alone. We can do this by finding Bible verses or positive affirmations that counteract the negative thought. Here are a few examples:

If we’re struggling with the belief that we’re unlovable, we can remind ourselves of the truth in Romans 8:38-39, which says, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

If we’re feeling like we’re not good enough, we can remind ourselves of the truth in Philippians 4:13, which says, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.”

And if we’re feeling overwhelmed and anxious, we can remind ourselves of the truth in Matthew 6:34, which says, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Practicing Positive Self-Talk

Replacing negative self-talk with positive thoughts is just the first step. The next step is to practice positive self-talk consistently. This means intentionally choosing to speak and think positively about ourselves, even when it’s hard. We can do this by creating a list of positive affirmations and Bible verses that we can turn to whenever negative self-talk creeps in. Here are a few examples – some of God’s greatest hits, if you will:

• I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).
• I am a child of God (John 1:12).
• I am more than a conqueror through Christ (Romans 8:37).
• I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13).
• I am loved with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3).

Trusting in God’s Promises

Finally, we can trust in God’s promises as we work to get rid of negative self-talk. We can pray for strength, wisdom, and guidance, knowing that God is with us.

Chances are that I haven’t shared a single thing that you didn’t know. The goal, I’d say, is to close that gap between what you believe and actually do. You can’t wait until you feel like taking action to end what’s hurting you. Act first. Your feelings will catch up.

I hope these helped. You are harder on yourself than anyone else is. Embrace what God has done and what He thinks about you. His opinion matters. Yours doesn’t.

If you’re going to embrace self-pity, you might as well embrace misery.

It’s a funny thing. Some people simply seem to enjoy feeling bad for themselves. Respectfully, if that’s true of you, I have a simple question: How has self-pity helped you improve your life?

I get it. I do. This is one of those therapeutic blogs I need to write to myself from time to time.

Part of my self-pity grows from a Christian worldview. Huh?

In full disclosure … when I’m in a funk, and struggling with post-concussion syndrome, a migraine, or just low, self-pity rears its ugly head. It’s like getting thrown into a well, looking up at that little circle of daylight, and wondering how I’m going to get out.

Self-pity can make you feel like a failure at everything. Not good.

So, as a Christian, there shouldn’t be any room for self-pity. Problem is, it’s my faith (or lack of it) that moves me in that direction.

What an awful irony. The more intimate I become with God, the more aware I am of just how sinful I am. I realize that I am selfish, self-centered, and just what a lowlife I can be.

I struggle around my peers who seem to be sailing along in their Christian walk. That pity I have is because I haven’t reached that glorious place of a bulletproof Christian life. My head knows that everyone struggles; my heart says I shouldn’t be struggling like I am.

I’d love to feel like I’m awesome. I don’t think I’ve ever felt that way. That’s shallow, but I’d love to have folks believe I’ve got it together 24/7/365. I am aware that folks aren’t that easily suckered, but, hey, you gotta have aspirations, right?

It might be that, like me (God forbid), this self-pity thing is camped out on your back porch, ready to pounce when you leave the house. You may be feeling pretty awful about your sin and haven’t been as repententant as you should be. You want to be better for God, but it all comes back to you and how you’re feeling. There’s something out there that can move you out of self-pity, but it’s elusive, and just out of reach.

What’s a believer to do about self-pity?

As always, the Bible speaks. Check out this ancient script – it’s 2 Corinthians 10:3-6:

³ For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. ⁴ The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. ⁵ We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. ⁶ And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete.

Paul wants us to take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ. In the context of self-pity, that means that any self-pitying thoughts are of us and not of Him. He doesn’t see us as low-life bottom feeders. He thinks we’re pretty wonderful. The key is to see ourselves as He sees us, right?

Here’s good stuff, from 1 Corinthians 1:26-31:

²⁶ Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. ²⁷ But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. ²⁸ God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, ²⁹ so that no one may boast before him. ³⁰ It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. ³¹ Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”

This is some powerful ju-ju here. What’s crazy about it is that God encourages low self-esteem.

Look at that. We are not wise, not influential, not nobly born, we are weak, we are despised. That might be what we want to beat ourselves up about – those are traits of a loser, right? – but God turns that idea on its head.

The kicker is that God doesn’t want us to have a higher self-esteem, but instead a higher God-esteem. The focus is on Him, not us. You aren’t amazing, He is. You aren’t flawless; He is. You’re weak. He is strong.

We tend to obsess about ourselves, which is normal, because we spend a lot of time with ourselves. The thought is to put that self-pity aside because it simply doesn’t accomplish anything. That comes from a shift in focus – less of me, more of Him.

I love this. When it comes to self pity, the truth is that we can and should be mindful of our salvation every day. Every time you blow it, every time you don’t measure up to your self-imposed standards, God comes alongside us and says, “C’mon, pal. Once more, you need to be reminded that it’s not about you. I am present and active in your life. I’m not buying this self-pity stuff. You don’t have to feel that way, because I’ve given you all of grace. I saved you. You didn’t do anything to earn it, and you sure don’t deserve it. I’ve done this because I love you. Why self-pity? I’m all you need.”

Maybe you are the worst of sinners. But quit whining. You may not be all that in and of yourself, but you can celebrate God, Who came to you, undeserving sinner that you are, and adopted you into His family.

You don’t have to drown in self-pity and think only of yourself. God thinks about you all the time.

Talk later!

These days, I’m fixated on helping broken Christians feel better.

It’s tempting to talk about “in this season of life,” or “my calling,” or other noble-sounding catch phrases. These can become cliche real fast. Seriously, though, I’ve been giving a lot of thought to what I’m supposed to be when I grow up. Helping broken Christians feel better might be part of that equation.

This is all pretty personal. Maybe even therapeutic, and this is my blog, but you don’t have to indulge me. See you next week!

Otherwise … I’m fixin’ to barf all over you.

When I speak of broken Christians, I’m not talking about when God breaks you. That is a separate issue.

I’ve dealt with this before in this blog. Just as a brief takeaway, understand that no matter how much God loves us, no matter what He wants to do for us or how earnestly He seeks to bless us, He cannot do anything with a person who closes his heart in pride, refusing to bend and break.

God has all sorts of ways to turn us into broken Christians – it might be through some soul-shattering crisis, or a gradual erosion of life. I’d suggest that brokenness from God is to be expected. Ancient script says that “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18, NIV).

The brokenness I’m speaking of here is the brokenness experienced when, frankly, Christianity isn’t working or delivering for someone.

That sounds sacrilegious, but it’s the reality many live. Maybe even you.

Annoying commercial break. Unless you’ve been under a rock, ignored me, or unfriended me, you know that I’ve developed a heart-driven course dealing with this very thing, Return to Wholeness. The discounted “tuition” ended on September 20, and when it’s officially opened to the public soon it’ll be at the fair market value price.

If you’re interested, though, I can channel Don Vito Corleone and give you “the offer you can’t refuse.” I’ve worried much about coming across like some sleazy salesman, but I’ve come to realize that sales equal service – I’m providing you and others with the very best God has given me. It’s for broken Christians, or those who have broken Christians in their lives.

Here’s the link if you’ve missed it, skimmed by it, or had no idea what I was up to. Significantly, what I’ve discovered is that while the course isn’t for everyone because many are at a good place spiritually, they know someone who isn’t. I’ve encouraged folks to gift the course to someone, or at least pass the link along. 

There was also a perfectly lovely article written about the course and me that you can read here for extra credit.

Enough said. Moving ahead to your regularly scheduled programme.

I always thought, on some level, that Christians weren’t supposed to be broken. We’re supposed to be well and whole, right? When times are hard, we pray, knowing God is there to hear our prayers and respond in a way that glorifies Him.

We say things like “the joy of the Lord is my strength,” and mean it because it’s scriptural.

But we don’t feel it. We join the ranks of broken Christians who are fruitless, defeated, and wondering if this walk with Jesus they’re experiencing is what they signed up for.

Honestly – there have been days when I didn’t know if God won, or Satan won. All I knew is that I lost.

You cheered up yet? I got more.

I’ve never been in a crisis of faith place where I doubted the presence of God, or even the love of God. I have wondered what the heck He was up to, and why He was allowing me to live in such an all-consuming funk.

You might identify. It’s like the bottom of your spiritual life has fallen out. You feel like you need to throw yourself on the mercy of God. Maybe you’ve tried.

Or – gasp! – you’ve wrestled with things like this:

• You used to have daily quiet times, now all you can manage is the occasional Bible reading, and it feels rote and hollow.
• You used to have it all together, now the least little thing puts you in a tailspin.
• You used to do so much good church and kingdom work, now all you do is try to avoid it.
• You used to be so balanced and healthy, and now you’re just a step away from being going carnival-ape crazy.
• You used to help so many other people, now all your bandwidth is used up  by just trying to get through the day.

Can I simply say you aren’t alone?

Check out Elijah, or David, or even Simon Peter. You are going to find them in some perfectly wretched states. But they didn’t stay broken forever.

I’ve thought a lot about all this, and it comes back to my original statement: I want to help broken Christians feel better.

At the end of this blog*, after my sign-off and below the photo, you can see some of my testimony and what has moved me to the space I’m occupying now. Is this a calling for me? I honestly feel it is.

It’s still a work in progress, no doubt. What encourages me so is that, even at age 66, God moves and inspires and equips me. He’ll equip you, too. As I’ve stated so many times, the reason you and I aren’t dead is because we haven’t completed what God put us here to do in the first place. Encouraging, yes?

So I’ll keep developing courses. I’ll be a full-on pest, because I’ve found I have to be brazen to get folks to even look at what the Lord has provided me. People are busy, and obviously what I’ve offered is a lot more important to me than it is others, just because I know what’s in it. I’m trying to get over feeling like a snake-oil salesman. I’m getting there.

I’ll keep writing this blog. It has been an encouragement to a lot of folks.

I’ll keep curating that Transformational Encouragement group on Facebook. We have over a thousand members, there for each other.

As long as there is breath in me, I’ll finish well because I know I’ve helped broken Christians feel better.

Talk soon! Comments welcome.

Tony

*MY REAL CREDENTIALS

In June of 2018 I suffered a nasty concussion. At first it wasn’t too big of a deal – my eye swelled shut, I had stitches, but it all seemed pretty routine. CT scans and x-rays showed no head or brain damage, but I did have three broken ribs. About a week after the injury, I started getting headaches on the opposite side of my head from the impact site. Overnight I developed a sensitivity to light and sound. There were some cognitive issues – it’s like my brain was shrouded in fog. 

Worst of all was the deepest, darkest emotional funk you can imagine. Anxiety, depression, and what I characterized as “a sense of impending doom” became realities. It was/is perfectly awful.

After another round of scans and x-rays, my internist – whom I love much – told me I had post-concussion syndrome (PCS).

No, I’d never heard of it either. All my symptoms were textbook. The cure? Time. I was to be patient. It would “take time.” (I’ve heard that “take time” phrase so many times that I’m afraid the next time I hear it I’m gonna punch someone in the throat.) He also put me on a killer combo of depression/Anxiety meds. 

Apparently PCS victims are prone to suicidal thoughts. Praise God that hasn’t been an issue. Since then, I’ve been to a chiropractor, I’ve tried acupuncture (which was actually pretty fun, but it didn’t really help), and talked to a counselor. All well and good. I’ve also been to a neurologist, and that’s been very encouraging. I’d had a migraine headache 24/7 – that was taking its toll – but again, she’s tinkered and experimented with several drugs and danged if the headache is only maybe three times a month. It’s not constant, and when it comes it hits with a vengeance, but it’s so much more manageable.

This incident – which has come in many ways to define my life – comes on the heels of the darndest year ever. Our house flooded and had to basically be gutted; we were displaced for seven months. I had surgery for two benign parathyroid tumors that were messing with my head. I was diagnosed with cancer – renal cell carcinoma. The upside of that one was that the doc went in, got the tumor and a piece of kidney, and I was good to go with no chemo or radiation or any of those nasty things. And our beloved ancient Boston terrier, Teddy, went to doggie heaven.

Why am I sharing this? Simple. My story is your story.

We all deal with challenges, do we not? life is full of joy and heartache in equal measure. Everyone faces something. Many people respond to life with despair, or at least a sense of hopelessness. Well, I am here to stand before you and declare that hopelessness is not an option.

There are some things that take up too much headspace for me – specifically, things that are out of my control.

I realized when I started writing this particular blog that I had way too much to share in just one sitting. So this will be continued next time, okay? (Teaser!)

Fact is, there are plenty of things out of my control, and yours, too.

I thought I’d share seven of these. This isn’t some magic number, but I’m guessing that at a minimum these seven are close to universal. I’ll just air these out, and next time I’ll give you some encouragement.

Here ya go: 7 things out of my control.

1. The actions of others.

Think about the folks you come into contact with regularly. If you want to think globally, that’s fine, but maybe we need to restrict this to your immediate circle.

It’s a hard truth that you can’t control what others do. Maybe you can be an influencer, and I hope you are. (Of course, this implies that you know what’s best for others, and that might be a little sketchy.)

People are inherently self-serving, and it takes some effort for them to overcome that … if that’s a goal they have. Chances are, you’ve experienced some hurt because of what others have done. You’d like to help them see how wrong they were (subtle sarcasm there.)

You got nowhere. This is one of those things out of your control.

2. The opinions of others.

Well, yeah. People have strong opinions about, y’know, stuff. They may have strong opinions about you, too. Does that make you uncomfortable? And if so, why?

I know of a lady who was scrupulous about making sure her house was in order, the beds made up, etc., before leaving each morning for work. Her rationale? “If the house catches on fire, I’d hate for the firefighters to see my house in a mess.”

Well, now, my sense is that they wouldn’t care. That’s something out of my control.

Still, she was motivated by the opinion of others. Even complete strangers.

You can’t do anything about what others think. Again, you might be an influencer, but it’s up to them as to what their opinions are.

3. How others take care of themselves.

There is a series of commercials/PSA’s I see frequently about quitting smoking. I’ve never smoked, so this doesn’t really apply to me. But the minute-long spots show vignettes of people who are grotesquely scarred because of surgery, of children having to take care of cancer-ridden parents, and patients dealing with a whole host of horrific ailments.

It may be that someone close to you doesn’t take care of themselves. Maybe they’re morbidly obese. Perhaps they know what they’re doing is unhealthy – not only physically, but emotionally and mentally. It grieves you.

You can’t fix that. People will, or won’t, take care of themselves based on where they are in life and what circumstances surround them.

I had a relative who straight-up said, “Smoking is the only pleasure I have left.” So there’s that.

4. What happens around me.

So here you are, plunked down in a physical location right now. It’s an environmental thing, and it’s not just physical. You may find yourself in an environment made up of other people, circumstances, things like that.

Those things are out of my control. They might not change. Perhaps I can remove myself from that environment, but that doesn’t change the “things” themselves.

As I write this, Jackson, Mississippi, is in a legitimate crisis. I live in metro Jackson, and what is happening doesn’t directly affect me. Jackson is without water, basically, and that means none to drink, none to bathe in, none to cook with, none to flush toilets. It’s really, really bad. We’re on the national news.

I can’t do anything about that. It’s out of my control.

I would say, though, that while I can’t change things, I can serve in the midst of them. While the circumstances themselves are out of my control, I’m not helpless. So maybe this one isn’t totally out of my control. There have been other things over the years I couldn’t do squat about.

5. The past.

This one is pretty self-evident. What’s done is done. We don’t get do-overs. We can commit to not doing boneheaded things from here on out, but it doesn’t change what’s already happened.

If you’ve been following me for some time, you know this is a “thing” for me. People are burdened, crippled by the past. It shouldn’t be this way, but realistically, it is for many.

I can’t change the past. That’s out of my control. It’s easy to say “get over it,” but that’s really, really hard, especially if you have something in your past that looms up in your thoughts like some demonic presence.

6. The future.

Here’s a companion thought to #5. You can’t control the future.

There may be sort of an exception to this. You can make decisions right now that will indeed change the future.

But – you can’t control what those changes are. Be wise, think things through, and in God’s providence make the right calls.

In spite of all that, you don’t get to dictate the outcomes. You can in no fashion control the future. You don’t know what’s out there. If the supervolcano under Yellowstone chooses to blow, it’s gonna blow. That’s out of my control. Fundamentally, the future before you is out of your control, too.

7. What other people think of me.

This one is a bit like #2. The distinction I’d like to make is that while the opinion of others might involve, say, politics, what people think of you is personal, directed at you.

That’s out of my control for sure. I don’t really like that.

It may be that you’ve tried to be charming, or forceful, or used any number of tactics to make people like you.

How’d that work out for ya?

You simply can’t control what other people think of you. You can do all you can to present yourself in a winsome, positive way, but they are still going to have their own opinions of you. Those opinions might change over time. Or not.

In all my years of youth ministry, I finally came to the realization that some kids simply didn’t like me. I can’t imagine anyone not liking me, but it’s true. Oh. The horror.

What other people think of you is out of your hands. As I’ve said, you can be an influencer, but people are going to have their opinions of you no matter what.

So, there you go. There are many things out of my control. There are many things out of your control.

My admittedly lame counsel is for us to collectively get over it. I know, right?

Next time I’ll give you a list of things that are in your control. That’s what we want to major on.

Talk soon!

Self-sabotage. You know, blowing yourself up because you think you’re a failure.

Before we join each other in being outraged, take a deep breath. Because you know you’ve done this, and I have too.

It’s so easy to get frustrated with ourselves, isn’t it? It’s like that hamster on a wheel analogy. You work hard, run fast, and you simply don’t get anywhere.

This has everything to do with thought distortions. This simply means that what is a rational, reasonable thought mutates into something irrational, unreasonable, and just flat-out wrong.

We’ll talk about self-sabotaging thoughts in a minute. We won’t get specific, because your self-sabotage issues won’t be the same as mine. But if you’ve ever tried to change habits, fix relationships, develop a closer relationship with God, you might’ve said things like:

• This will never work.
• It’s too hard.
• I’m a failure.
• This is where I blew it last time.
• I’ll never be where I want to be (emotionally, mentally, spiritually, etc.)
• I screwed up. I might as well enjoy screwing up again.

Know what I mean?

Let’s try this. Here’s four ways to stop self-sabotage.

1. Identify a big ol’ sabotaging thought. Those might be some suggestions above. Tie it into a life area that’s giving you fits. It might be a moral struggle, a toxic thought life, worry and anxiety, an unbridled temper, being intolerant of folks who don’t see things the same way you do, etc.
2. Now, figure out what kind of thought distortion it is. Is it:
   1. All or nothing thinking? Here’s a hint – if you’re using the words “always” and “never,” then that’s some evidence that this is what you’re up to. Like “I’ll never be able to control my temper.”
   2. Are you psychic? Think you’re a mind-reader? As in, “Those people are judging me, so I’m gonna judge back.” Or, “People don’t understand me, and that’s why they’re pushing me aside.” (Note: People don’t think about you nearly as much as you think they do. That’s a topic for another time, perhaps.)
   3. Are you now a fortune teller? Symptoms would include statements like “Things are not going to get any better for me.” “I don’t think this relationship can be fixed.” Or, “What if an asteroid hits the earth?” (Maybe that’s not a good example, but some people think about things like that. Spare me.)
3. Now, write down (yep, I’m asking you to commit pen to paper, or fingers to keys) all the evidence supporting this thought. Are you wrestling with some big scary thought? Then, pilgrim, in what ways is this thought true? You’d best develop a persuasive case. I’d note, too, that even the worst thoughts might have a bit of truth to them. That doesn’t mean they are true, though.
4. You’re still writing … so write down all the evidence against this thought. In other words, what are the ways this sabotaging thought is actually a big lie to yourself?

It’s more false than true, isn’t it? That’s why we call them thought distortions.

So now, woo-hoo! You’ve just picked apart your first self-sabotaging thought.

Here’s an example.

Fred had a pretty significant argument with his best friend Barney. It didn’t end well. Fred knew he was way out of line.

Fred unpacked what happened – and here’s where the self-sabotage started:

• Incident thought: “I got in a fight with Barney.”
• Sabotaging thought: “I’m a jerk.”
• Thought distortion: Labeling – he put a label (jerk) on himself. And this is all-or-nothing thinking. Because of this fight, he’s decided he’s a total loser with no chance of redemption.
• Evidence supporting his thought: His relationship with Barney is strained.
• Evidence against his thought: They’ve been friends forever. They’ve had disagreements before and worked through them. Fred’s relationships are generally sound, fruitful, and rewarding. He was in a foul mood anyway, and Barney just struck him wrong. He can apologize.

See how it works? The evidence is strong that all will be well with some work.

That means that when faced with a couple of decisions as to how to move forward, the toughest-seeming one is the one you should choose to deal with self-sabotage.

Here’s why … and why this next time around will be different:

• You’ve had past experiences that were awful. You’ve been hurt. This time around, though, you can choose to construct new, positive, and winning experiences.
• You’re afraid to fail. No one likes to screw up. But now, you know how to glean what you can from what happened and move on.
• You don’t have confidence. Well, you’re underestimating what you’re capable of. (Note: If you’re a Believer, then your confidence isn’t in you. It’s in Him.)
• You have low self-esteem. Don’t think you’re worthy? Who the heck sold that concept to you? You are worth so much! You were created in the image of God, and it would serve you well not to forget that.
• Finally, you’re afraid of succeeding. Sound odd? I believe that you may have succumbed to self-sabotage so many times that you’re scared of experiencing the unimaginable – God’s best.

God’s best is some low-hanging fruit. Afraid of self-sabotage? When that fuse starts burning again – and it will, I promise – know you know how to defuse it.

Talk later!

God allows you (and me) to suffer. Ever wonder why?

That’s a tough one. While I’ve addressed this in my blog before, it bears revisiting. Man, I hate to even bring it up. And yet – folks sure do seem to be hurting a lot these days. They’re frustrated, afraid, and wear worry like a shroud. 

I’d be presumptuous to try to define suffering for you – what is agonizing for you might not be a big deal for me, and vice-versa. 

Those questions – why is this happening to me? Is God testing me? – can be mighty troubling, especially when answers don’t seem to be forthcoming. 

If God allows you to suffer, something is happening. And we don’t ask those questions when things are going well. 

We ask them when we’re hurting, backed into a corner, and when in general life is going badly.

There are also degrees of suffering. If the AC goes out in our house in August, and fans just don’t move the air around, then I might say that I’m suffering. If I sprain my ankle, I might call that suffering. If I have cancer and I’m racked by excruciating pain, that’s suffering, right? If someone I love is dying of some dread disease, and I’m watching their life flow away in a toxic stream, then both of us might well be suffering. 

If you’re a believer, then God allows you to suffer, too, and your faith in Christ doesn’t mean a grief-free life.That, incidentally, is one reason many folks just reject Christianity outright. 

Y’all, there’s a tenet of our faith that we often overlook or ignore, and it can strike into the heart of the very devout. Intellectually, you may know better, but when life happens, all that ethereal head knowledge can just vanish. You are going to suffer, and God is going to allow it. 

Many Christians, perhaps even most, believe that if they are God’s child, then things should go well. Suffering? Nope. They think they’re exempt. I mean, if they’re a believer, if they are living for Him, if they’re good people, then all should be fine. 

Before you get all up in my face, saying, “I know that. I understand that. That’s Chrisitianity 101,”  do a quick gut-check. Have you ever asked “Why me? What have I done? Do I have some unconfessed sin in my life and this is payback from God?”

Well, there is sowing and reaping to consider. Most of the grief in our lives we bring on ourselves because we’ve wilfully made some idiotic choices. There is, however, plenty of evidence and first-hand experience that informs us that suffering comes in spite of our wise choices, pure intentions, and relationship with God.

That God allows you to suffer is clear. But why do we suffer in this world?

I love a numbered list. Let me offer four reasons why we suffer. Maybe this will help, but in the face of such a profound and mysterious truth, I’m not going to be able to give you any fresh revelations. These are things you already know, but I’m sharing these as simple reminders. 

1. We live in a broken world, and so we struggle. Think about mental struggles – we are bombarded daily with horrific news. We spend too much time in our own heads. Our minds start kicking themselves. This, of course, dovetails with emotional struggles. We are depressed, anxious, and in a funk. See how these feed on each other? Physically? We eat wrong when we’re dealing with mental and emotional issues. We become sedentary, or else turn into gym rats, losing ourselves in fitness, running, etc. (and hear me – I’m for sure not dissing any of these disciplines. It’s just when they’re used as escape tools that we might have problems.) Finally, how about spiritual struggles? You know, when God seems distant and silent and when our prayers don’t get any further than ceiling height. All these can be evidence of our living in a broken world.
2. There is abundant evil in the world. We call that sin, and it’s in us and those around us. Sin brings suffering – ultimately, it brings death. Often we embrace sin because, let’s face it, it’s fun. For a season, anyway. It’s our sin, and others’ sin, that brings on suffering in the world. Fact.
3. God allows suffering. I can’t stress this too much. Of course He could end all suffering. Guess what? He’s going to. In the realm of the mysterious, in the providence of an all-knowing and all-loving God, suffering will be annihilated. Jesus will return. We don’t know when, and while it can be an intriguing pastime to try to discern when, the best approach is to simply say “soon,” which, of course, is true. 
4. Suffering makes God’s love and grace even that much more sweet. Think about this. Let’s say Sunday your preacher shares a sermon that talks about God’s love. You appreciate and affirm it. It gives you all the feels. But – what if a person dying with cancer in the final hours of their life talks about God’s love, don’t you think you’d respond differently? Or, perhaps, someone gets a generous and unexpected tax refund, and they say, “I’m so blessed!” Compare that to a woman in Haiti I heard about, and her most prized possession was a big bucket – she was able to cook in it, haul water in it, wash clothes in it. And she said, “I’m so blessed.” Is there a bit of a difference you see?

One of my favorite C.S. Lewis quotes comes into play as you realize God allows you to suffer:

We can ignore even pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.

A deaf world, indeed. It might just be that the world we currently live in is being molded by God into something that will really, really get our attention.

I’ve tried, over the years, not to evaluate anything in my life apart from the backdrop of the cross. If I’m suffering, and I think I’m being punished, I have to remind myself – nope, Jesus took my punishment. Or if I’m tempted to think that God doesn’t care, then I remind myself – hey, Tony, God does care. He’s lost a son because He loved you. 

I suppose when you resolutely deal with knowing God allows you to suffer, you come to understand that God loves you definitively because of Calvary.

He will use the junk you’re going through for your good and the good of those around you. You will never walk alone. 

We are going to suffer in this world. Count on that. We don’t have to wish it on ourselves – that’s sort of weird – but we need to be ready for it. We can love God in good times, and we can love God when we’re hurting. And we should call others to share in the ultimate victory that Jesus won for us … because He, too, suffered. 

Talk later!