We were in Laurel last week, visiting with the grandkids, Katherine and Levi, and their expendable parents. (If you’re a grandparent, I don’t need to explain. Katherine and Levi’s parents just tend to get in the way of our fun.)

Katherine and Levi would rather eat at Waffle House than any other restaurant in the Western Hemisphere. I get that. It’s one of our all-time guilty pleasures. Waffle House is one of the great levelers of society — where else will you see neurosurgeons and sod layers eating together and know that everyone will be treated the same? Scattered, smothered, and covered — that’s my hash brown preference, in case you’re taking notes.

When we have the grandkids at our house, we serve them what I call a “syrup-based breakfast.” That means either pancakes or waffles, with about a pound of bacon for each kid. That’s pretty much what they’ll opt for at Waffle House too, anytime of the day, although Levi has branched out into hash browns. I’m trying to teach him to appreciate the finer things in life. “Papa,” he said, “you’re the best cook in the galaxy.” That’s pretty high praise, but I aspire to the “best cook in the universe.” I guess that gives me room to grow.

At the Laurel Waffle House — which was as cold as a morgue — we all opted to sit at the counter (aka the “high bar”), which looks into the kitchen. We all enjoy watching the grill jockeys at work — it’s like redneck hibachi.

Sitting at the counter next to us was an older gentleman (actually, he may have been younger than me, but he sure looked old.) He had on a weathered camo jacket covered with patriotic patches — flags, eagles, all that. He had on a ball cap with a political slogan on it. He was unshaved, clean, but still sort of disheveled. He was wearing Eisenhower-era hearing aids.

Our server was very cheerful, attractive, and had this multi-megawatt smile. She was also chatty, which is probably a prerequisite for working at Waffle House.

I obliquely noticed that the other gentleman was paying her more-than-casual attention. There was some low-level flirting going on as he sipped his coffee, which is all he’d ordered.

I wasn’t eavesdropping, at least not intentionally. At one point, our server asked him, “Do you enjoy watching me work?” He just beamed — I think he enjoyed the attention.

A bit later, he asked, “What time do you get off work?

Our server rolled with it. “At 6, but why do you want to know?” She was cordial, and smiling, but there was no question that he’d trespassed a bit too far.

He seemed to know that he’d crossed a line. “Uh, well, I was just wondering.” He began studying the last of his coffee.

That was pretty much it. He soon paid for his coffee and left. Our server watched him as he walked out the door. He was limping a little.

I couldn’t help myself. “That was a bit uncomfortable, wasn’t it?” I asked my server. Not that I would ever judge, but he sure didn’t seem her type.

She smiled wanly. “Not really,” she said. “He’s in here a lot. He’s just a lonely old man.”

I don’t know why that struck me. Everyone has a story. I didn’t know his. I may have been judgmental. Maybe I assumed he was a creep.

Since then I’ve been thinking about loneliness. Being alone isn’t a bad thing necessarily, but being lonely isn’t necessarily good.

As followers of Christ, we’re called to “bear one another’s burdens” (Galatians 6:2), yet in doing so, it’s vital to understand the nuance between being alone and being lonely, as they’re not always the same thing.

Being Alone vs. Being Lonely

Firstly, being alone is a physical state, where a person may not have others around them. It’s a solitude that can be sought after for peace, prayer, and reflection. Jesus Himself sought solitude to pray (Luke 5:16), showing that being alone can be a positive, rejuvenating experience.

On the flip side, being lonely is an emotional state — a feeling of being disconnected, unseen, or unloved, regardless of how many people are around. Loneliness can be more daunting to navigate because it’s not about the physical absence of people but the perceived absence of meaningful connections. So if we feel led, how do we address this when we see this in other people? And do we sometimes need to mind our own business? It’s complicated.

Reaching Out from a Christian Worldview

Pray First: Before you do anything, pray. Ask God for guidance, sensitivity, and the right words. Your outreach should be a reflection of God’s love, and what better way to ensure this than to start with Him?

Be Present: Sometimes, the best way to reach out is simply to be there. Presence can speak louder than words. Offer your time and attention. Whether it’s sitting quietly with someone, listening to them, or engaging in an activity together, your presence can remind them that they’re valued and loved.

Listen with Love: Often, people who are lonely just need someone to listen — really listen — to them. Listening is a form of love that validates someone’s feelings and experiences. When you listen, do so with the intention of understanding, not fixing. Remember, Job’s friends sat with him in silence for seven days before speaking (Job 2:13), showing the power of presence over words.

Share God’s Word in a Gentle Way: The Bible is full of verses about God’s love, presence, and care for us. Sharing a scripture can be incredibly comforting. However, be sensitive to timing and receptivity. Sometimes, it’s more about living out God’s Word through your actions than quoting it.

Invite, Don’t Impose: Invite them to activities, church events, or even just for coffee. However, respect their decision if they’re not ready to engage. Loneliness can make it hard for some to step out, so be patient and keep extending the invitation without pressure.

Encourage Connections: Sometimes, helping someone out of loneliness means helping them connect with others. Introduce them to groups, clubs, or gatherings where they might find like-minded individuals. Encourage involvement in community or church activities where they can form meaningful relationships.

Follow Up: Reaching out once can make a difference, but ongoing support can change a life. Check in regularly. A simple text, call, or note can remind them that they are not forgotten. Consistency shows genuine care.

Reaching out to someone who’s lonely is a call to embody Christ’s love in the most practical of ways. It’s about being a friend, a listener, and a beacon of God’s love. Remember, loneliness doesn’t resolve overnight. It’s in the persistent, gentle reaching out that hearts are touched and lives are changed.

Through such acts of love and kindness, we not only address the loneliness in others but also reflect the love of Christ, who promised never to leave us nor forsake us. In doing so, we fulfill one of the most beautiful aspects of our faith: sharing God’s unconditional love with those who feel most disconnected from it. Let’s not underestimate the power of reaching out, for in the tapestry of humanity, every thread is essential, and every connection matters.

“And they all left him and fled.” – Mark 14:50 (ESV)

Jesus Knows Loneliness

Those disciples. They bailed on their Master and friend. This hits home for those of us who’ve faced loneliness or have felt like we let someone down.

Isn’t it comforting to know that Jesus Himself, the Savior of the world, understands what it’s like to be lonely? At the very moment when he could have used the support the most, everybody bolted. Imagine the heartbreak! Yet, He doesn’t wallow in that. Instead, He moves forward, carrying the weight of the world’s sins to the cross. There’s something so profoundly human about this experience of loneliness. I reckon that when you or I feel deserted, we’re in good company. Jesus has been there and He gets it. We’re not alone in our aloneness, if you catch my drift.

Your Faithfulness Matters

Those little things you do? They matter. They matter a lot, especially to a God who felt the sting of being left alone. You don’t have to go around changing water into wine to make a difference. Sometimes, it’s as simple as sitting beside someone who’s having a rough day or helping a neighbor with groceries. Every kind act is like a warm hug to Jesus, telling Him, “You’re not alone, and neither am I.” It’s a two-way street of comfort that’s both cosmic and intimate.

From Deserters to Disciples

Here’s where the message really kicks in. You know those guys who deserted Jesus? They ended up being the cornerstones of the Christian church! Peter, who denied Him not once but three times, became one of the great Apostles. Heck, he even got the keys to the Kingdom! God doesn’t call the qualified; He qualifies the called.

Let’s face it, we’ve all had our “deserter” moments. Maybe it was a promise you couldn’t keep or a calling you ignored because you were too scared or didn’t think you were up to the task. But guess what? God still wants you. He wants to use you, flaws and all, for His incredible purposes.

The Power of “Losers”

You might personify those disciples as failures. Losers. I think that’s gold right there. God’s economy doesn’t operate like the world’s. The world applauds success, but God applauds faithfulness. The world seeks the spotlight, but God seeks the heart. In His eyes, a “loser” who is faithful is a true winner, equipped to heal and minister, just like those deserters-turned-disciples.

In the grand story of redemption, it’s not the mighty or the successful who take center stage. It’s the humble, the flawed, and yes, even the deserters, who become heroes in God’s narrative. They are the ones who are given the power to change lives and heal broken hearts.

So there you have it. We all falter, but in God’s eyes, that doesn’t disqualify us. If anything, it sets us up for a comeback, turning us into bearers of His hope, grace, and love. Just remember, you’re never alone on this journey.

“Friends are friends forever.” Did you just sing that?

Back in my earliest days of youth ministry, which would’ve been the early 80’s, Michael W. Smith’s song was almost like an anthem. You couldn’t avoid it. If there was ever a better song for the last day of camp, I don’t know what it is.

At any rate, I’ve been thinking about this for a week or so. Are friends friends forever? Do they even need to be? I mean, Facebook has had an “unfriend” feature for some time. I’ve used it a couple of times, and I have reason to believe it’s been used on me some lately, too, which I’m fine with. Lord. I hope I never get my sense of worth from social media.

Here’s the thing. The pandemic has thrown our relationships all out of whack. I’m over it; I’m not afraid to go anywhere maskless, but that’s just me. You do what your doctor says, and in the meantime – exercise some critical thinking skills.

Recently I got to spend some time with a friend I hadn’t seen in person for a long time. Since I can be horrifically socially inept, I was a wee bit apprehensive. I didn’t want it to be awkward or weird. We’d been keeping up with each other on social media, so it wasn’t as if we’d been totally disconnected. Still, when you’re online and typing, you do have some control (for better or worse) over how the exchange goes.

Fortunately, everything went fine. We’re still friends forever. I don’t see any reason for that to change.

Here’s my “but” statement. When it comes to friends, even forever friends, my stomach for uncomfortable social situations is a lot worse than it used to be.

Yeah, I’m an introvert. And I’m getting older and much more crotechty. As a Christian, I know I’m supposed to engage the world. (Funny how, under certain circumstances, that can be easier for me with people I don’t know.)

With the aforementioned friend, after we’d visited, I felt a gazillion times better than I did going into the conversation. Said friend made my day.

I’ve had the opposite happen, though. I’ve visited with a friend or acquaintance before and left our time together just exhausted. Spent. As in “show me the door.”

I’m a little vague as to how that works. I know some clinical explanations, but when it comes to friends, sometimes being clinical doesn’t help much.

Then there is loneliness.

Gonna tell ya – I seldom ever, ever feel lonely. There is a stark difference in being lonely and being alone. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been able to engage with others in a way that satisfies me.

I’d add that, while not the same thing as being lonely, I will cop to being frustrated when people don’t understand me. I don’t like to think I’m all that complex. Whatever. Generally, I can handle that.

So how many friends does someone need to not be lonely? That is unsettled science. The general consensus, though, is that there is no “one size fits all” number.

This: a 2010 Meta-Analysis found that loneliness is “as harmful to physical health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.” That’s not great news.

It seems that when it comes to friends more isn’t necessarily better.

My personal sense informs me that spending time with people – even friends – that are critical, negative, unfaithful, and unreliable isn’t a healthy thing.

We all have a finite amount of time. Because of that, how we use it to invest in others is really important. Remember, though, you are responsible for the quality of your relationships.

Am I advocating just ditching those people who sap your energy, and their very presence devalues your soul?

Not really, simply because it isn’t always practical. There are some people that, because of work, family ties, or just proximity you can’t escape. Some of them might be friends.

I wanted to come up with a nice bulleted list of how-to’s. When it came to friends, everything I tried sounded pat and contrived.

I’ll just go with this:

Guard your heart.

I don’t know what that looks like in your life, but I’ll bet you can apply it to where you are relationally right now. It may be that, if possible, you need to jettison some people and restrict contact from them. It doesn’t mean you love them any less. It just means you have to protect yourself from having a depleted soul. This may not be easy to do.

Figure it out.

In The Writing Life, Annie Dillard writes: “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. What we do with this hour, and that one, is what we are doing.”

Live intentionally. It’ll help you discern who you need to spend your time with.

Friends are friends forever. Until they aren’t, and that may not be a bad thing.

And remember: What a friend we have in Jesus.

Talk later.

“You’ll never walk alone.” Isn’t that a comforting thought?

Or – are you scratching your head, saying to yourself, “I have walked alone. More than once I’ve been all by myself.”

To walk alone doesn’t even necessarily mean that there is no one else around. Walking alone can imply that even though there are plenty of people you’re close to, people who love you and enjoy your company, you are still alone. At the least, you feel isolated and misunderstood. You’re dealing with thoughts and emotions that separate you from everyone else.

Because, dang it, other folks don’t “get” you.

“You’ll Never Walk Alone” is a Rogers and Hammerstein song from the musical, Carousel. Wikipedia notes that besides the recordings of the song on the Carousel cast albums and the film soundtrack, the song has been recorded by many artists, with notable hit versions made by Roy Hamilton,^[4] Frank Sinatra, Roy Orbison, Billy Eckstine, Gerry and the Pacemakers, Lee Towers, Judy Garland, Elvis Presley, Johnny Cash, Andy Williams, Glen Campbell, Johnny Maestro and The Brooklyn Bridge, Olivia Newton-John and Doris Day. Progressive rock group Pink Floyd took a recording by the Liverpool Kopchoir, and “interpolated” it into their own song, “Fearless“, on their 1971 album Meddle .

In recent days, it’s also become something of an anthem of encouragement in the world of COVID-19. And in football/soccer, too.

Check these lyrics:

When you walk through a storm hold your head up high
And don’t be afraid of the dark.
At the end of a storm is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark.
Walk on through the wind,
Walk on through the rain,
Tho’ your dreams be tossed and blown.
Walk on, walk on with hope in your heart
And you’ll never walk alone,
You’ll never, ever walk alone.

So that should be comforting, right? Then why does it sometimes ring hollow?

I’m not sure why we so often have trouble internalizing this sentiment. We struggle to make it a reality.

So, on those days when we feel boxed in and so desire for someone to “get” us, what do we do?

1. Sometimes you simply have to face reality. You will have a challenge that only you can manage. Perhaps you’ve had incidents in your past that have prepared you for it. Maybe someone has invested in you and has had to move on. But this time … it’s all on you.
2. You have to understand that sometimes you have responsibilities that are unique to you. It could be job related. Maybe it’s incumbent on you to heal a relationship. Whatever the case, no one else can do “it” for you.
3. You want someone else to do it for you. You feel overwhelmed, even incompetent. The initiative you should take? You ain’t feeling it. Step out anyway. Your feelings will follow your actions.
4. Panic strikes. “I can’t do this,” you say.

I’d imagine you’re a few steps ahead of me by now, but if you’re a believer, guess what? You aren’t alone. You already knew that.

Oswald Chambers said, “You will find yourself at wit’s end but at the beginning of God’s wisdom.”

Of course, when you sense you’re alone, you’d like to have someone with skin on them. Somehow, though, we need to learn to acknowledge and experience God’s presence.

Truth be told, God is closer than anyone wrapped in skin. He actually indwells the believer. You couldn’t be alone if you wanted to.

Will God give you a sign that you never walk alone? Maybe. He’s not obligated to.

Feelings are great betrayers, aren’t they? You may not feel His presence, but that doesn’t change the reality of His nearness.

You’ll never walk alone.

You aren’t walking alone now.

In days to come, you won’t walk alone, either.

O be comforted.

Be well.

Tony’s Question: What do you do for yourself when you feel like you’re walking alone? Share your thoughts below. And share this blog with your friends on social media.