Anytime I visit a blog and read “7 Ways to Endless Wealth” or “9 Ways to Save Money on Toilet Paper,” I can be a little skeptical. But I’m safe with this one – 5 things to stop right now.

There are probably many more you need to stop. These 5 things to stop right now are at the front of my mind. I’m preaching to myself. I just thought I’d let you sit in.

Here ya go.

Trying to please everyone.

This may just be particular to me. I doubt it. When someone says, “I don’t care what others think,” I believe that’s bogus. A better phrase might be “I can’t do anything about what others think.” You’d better care! If people think you’re a liar and a cheat, a gut check would be to determine if they’re justified in thinking that.

Don’t lie. Don’t cheat. Simple enough. You need to care about your reputation.

Beyond that – you really can’t control other people’s thoughts about you. When you start maneuvering and weaseling around trying to please folks just so you’ll be more accepted, it’s liable to backfire. People know when others are fawning over them.

Simply stated – you can’t please everyone. Don’t even try. It makes you look like a moron.

Fearing change.

Part of this is pining for “the good old days,” whatever you perceived them to be. I’d wager that at the time you weren’t saying, “gee, these are going to be the good old days someday.”

Maybe you did feel that way (and I’ve said, “It doesn’t get any better than this!” and sometimes it didn’t).

Still, there is often a resistance to change. And it earns a place in the 5 things to stop right now.

You probably aren’t driving the same car you did ten year ago. That’s change.

Maybe you got the best boyfriend or girlfriend or wife or husband. That’s change, too.

I think the issue is that all change, even good change, alway involves a loss. Getting married means losing a bit of independence. Changing jobs for a better one means losing a certain amount of familiarity, even if the job was a bad one. And so forth.

Our world is designed to be ever changing. You can simply look at the seasons, for instance, and know that spring is not fall is not winter is not summer. Change works just fine in nature. It will in your life, too. It’s actually necessary. Don’t be afraid of it.

Living in the past.

You can’t drive a car while looking in the rearview mirror. The great theologian and philosopher, Meat Loaf, put it this way:

And if life is just a highway, then the soul is just a car
And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are.

Harking back to that “good old days” theme – it’s so easy and comfortable to remember that performance on the football field, or that first date, or when you met your spouse. That’s all good.

The danger comes in camping out in memories. An over-fondness for what was can really cause you to disengage from the present.

The present is where you live right now. You can’t go back to what was. You have no idea of what is to come. It’s about embracing the moment.

Living in the past? What happened, what you experienced, is just that – the past. You can’t change any of that, Doc Brown.

Putting yourself down.

Are you unduly hard on yourself? Does self-doubt have its claws dug into you? This is a great candidate for one of the 5 things to stop right now.

I’ll just bet you say things to yourself, or about yourself, that if anyone else said the same thing to you, you’d punch them in the throat.

“You’re pathetic. You’re an idiot. You constantly screw things up. You’ve ruined your life. Who do you think you are?”

See, if someone else said those things to us, we’d be livid. And yet, we can routinely say those same things to ourselves and finish by saying, “Yeah, you’re right.”

That kind of negative self-talk will take you down. Stop that. What good is it doing?

Finally, in our rogue’s gallery of 5 things to stop right now, is my personal favorite, and the bane of my existence:

Overthinking.

Really, now, Tony. Really. Why must you spend so much time in your own head? Is that your kryptonite, too?

I’m not really a worrier. Anxiety isn’t a big deal. Depression is my mental illness of choice since my brain injury.

And yet – overthinking. It’s second-guessing decisions I’ve already made. It’s analyzing what I said – or didn’t say – and no matter that the discussion took place seven years ago. Or rehearsing a speech in the shower, trying to come up with just the right combination of words to carry my point. It’s all those “what-if’s.” Maybe it’s thinking about what I’d do if a chunk of ice fell off an airplane wing and smashed on top of me. (Okay, that last one isn’t that big of a deal. But I’ve come close to having random thoughts that are just as asinine.)

Want to know how to stop overthinking? Quit thinking about what can go wrong. Think about what can go right. And be grateful.

That’s today’s 5 things to stop right now. Tomorrow’s list might be different. I just wanted to share my ponderings with you. Hope they helped. Your comments below are always welcome. And sharing on social media is always a sweet gesture.

(Note: the folks that host my blog have worked really hard to get me back online. My blog hasn’t been available since Tuesday. It’s good to be back. They fixed it, even though they had to bring in their “Tier Two’ technicians. Thanks for your patience!)

(Note 2: I try to put in some helpful links in each of my entries. Today’s has a lot of good extra information if you want to do a deep dive. Just click on the light blue words.)

There are some people who live their entire lives living for the approval of others. Call it chronic people-pleasing.

I know of a woman who wouldn’t dare leave the house without all the beds being made up. That is not a bad thing – actually, it’s pretty virtuous. There’s a really fine book titled Make Your Bed: Little Things That Can Change Your Life …And Maybe the World that deals with this very thing. Highly recommended.

Here, though, was her motivation, her thinking: “If the house caught on fire, I don’t want the firemen thinking that I’m a slob.” She was serious.

Well okay then. She let the opinions of complete strangers dictate her behavior. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that the firemen probably wouldn’t inspect her beds if the house were burning.

I can, in the abstract, understand her feelings.

My tendency, historically, has been to be a people-pleaser. I want people to like me. When someone says, “I don’t care what other people think,” I think to myself, “Gee, what a nice protective fort you’ve built for yourself.” I can’t relate to that; I do care what people think. Part of that is testimonial – I want folks to look at me and see God at work rather than pathetic ol’ Tony who ain’t all that.

So I’d be lying if I said that my behavior hasn’t at times been dictated by other people’s opinion of me. Living for the approval of of others? I get that.

Here’s where it gets complex.

Some people aren’t going to like you. Ever.

That, for me personally, is inconceivable. I can’t imagine anyone not liking me once they got to know me. I know that the first impression I give isn’t always the best – that’s an introvert thing, not jumping right in all cheerful and engaging. It takes me a minute. (I’ve learned some skills to compensate for that, but if you’ve never met me and I come across as all gregarious and approachable, just know that I’ve worked really, really hard to be able to do that. It doesn’t come naturally.)

Still, because I do easily show genuine interest in others, and do care deeply that people have good lives, get along, have plans that succeed, I don’t know why anyone would not want me around.

Shocker – some folks don’t like me. I don’t think there are that many, but in my mind, one is too many.

Some people don’t like you either, so don’t be getting all high and mighty on me.

How does that manifest itself, and what does that have to do with living for the approval of others?

You become others’ puppet if you aren’t careful, jerked along on invisible strings. There are some people who’ve made up their minds about you, and there really isn’t anything you can do to change their opinions, try as you might.

So why try? Seriously.

Conventional wisdom (by way of Polonius – Hamlet – Wm. Shakespeare) says, “This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.” That’s good counsel, and difficult to take for many of us. (I’ll share even better counsel in a minute.)

I put a high premium on being authentic. But I do adjust my attitude and behavior sometimes based on who I’m with.

Here’s what happens. You can keep the course of y0ur own life, not veering to the right or to the left. Or you can be a chameleon, changing to fit the social environment.

It doesn’t matter. People will form opinions of you no matter what you do, and you can’t force that. You will be judged, sometimes unfairly or inaccurately.

One day, perhaps, people who know you now (or think they know you now) will look back and realize they were wrong. They will see they should have given you a chance. That’s good. It won’t undo what happened in the past, but it’s still good.

In the here and now, though, guard yourself. Don’t do things intended to prove others wrong about you. It’ll exhaust you, trying to change people’s opinions of you. Be steadfast – it’ll save you some confusion. You don’t want to forget who you really are.

Here’s my best counsel (with all due respect to Polonius):

Do what you do for the Lord. Don’t be living for the approval of others. Actually, don’t even do it for yourself. You’re harder to please than anyone else.

Let me be clear: Do what you do for the Lord. He’s the One who has been here all along.