Procrastination. I’m so good at it I could teach it on the graduate level.

I’ve tended to blow procrastination off as just a “thing,” a tendency that isn’t exactly laziness but just a desire to put things off. Never put off anything until tomorrow unless you can put it off till next week, right?

Yet, in a couple of life areas and ambitions these days, procrastination is hurting me. For real. So, I thought I’d do some digging around, and lo and behold, I’ve found that there are some Christian principles that can help you and me deal with this sneaky scourge. 

If you’re a procrastinator, see if this helps. 

Procrastination is a common struggle that affects individuals from all walks of life. As Christians, we are not immune to this challenge. However, we have the advantage of Christian teachings and principles to guide us in overcoming procrastination.So, then, we will explore the reasons behind procrastination, and how we can use our faith and Christian values to overcome it.

To get us on the same page, here’s my definition of procrastination:

Procrastination occurs when we put off tasks or delay taking action, often in favor of less important or more enjoyable activities. This behavior can be rooted in fear, self-doubt, perfectionism, or a lack of motivation. Whatever the cause, procrastination can hinder our growth, both personally and spiritually.

I’ve succumbed to all four of those root causes at some point or another. Yeah, I’m pathetic.

What to do about procrastination? Here are my eight thoughts:

1 – Recognize the Spiritual Implications of Procrastination

Procrastination can often stem from fear, self-doubt, perfectionism, or a lack of motivation. I mentioned those earlier. It is essential to recognize that these feelings can be detrimental to our spiritual growth. Ephesians 5:15-16 reminds us to “Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity because the days are evil.” By addressing the spiritual aspects of procrastination, we can begin to understand the importance of using our time wisely and for God’s glory. Funny to think about how procrastination might be hindering what God wants to do in and through you.

2 – Trust in God’s Strength

One reason for procrastination may be the fear of failure or the belief that we are not capable of completing the task at hand. I never thought of a fear of failure being a contributing factor, but it sure can be.  As Christians, we can overcome this fear by putting our trust in God and relying on His strength to help us accomplish our goals. Philippians 4:13 reminds us that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (What a verse … it can address most anything!) By leaning on God’s strength, we can overcome our self-doubt and push forward with confidence. 

3 – Pray For Guidance and Strength

Is procrastination, at its heart, a spiritual matter? I think it is.

As we strive to overcome procrastination, prayer is a vital tool to help us focus on God’s will and seek His guidance in our lives. Philippians 4:6-7 encourages us to “not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” By consistently turning to God in prayer, we can find the strength and wisdom needed to tackle our tasks and live purpose-driven lives.

4 – Seek God’s Wisdom

In this season, I’m all into this wisdom thing. I’m not talking about just being smart, or even making good decisions. I’m talking about being wise and making wise decisions.

Procrastination can sometimes stem from a lack of direction or understanding of our purpose. To combat this, we should turn to God for wisdom and guidance. Proverbs 3:5-6 – a favorite for many of us – encourages us to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” By seeking God’s guidance, we can gain clarity and direction in our lives, reducing the temptation to procrastinate.

5 – Develop a Sense of Purpose

How many times do we have to hear “you were put here for a reason” before it actually sinks in and becomes a reality?

Understanding our purpose as Christians can provide us with the motivation to prioritize our time and energy effectively. Reflect on the unique gifts and talents that God has given you, and consider how you can use them to serve others and glorify God. Colossians 3:23-24 reminds us, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward.”

6 – Set Realistic Goals and Break Tasks into Manageable Steps

Procrastination can just melt away when I put goals in writing, and tease them out into steps I can measure.

There are beaucoup tools that help me move the needle. Zig Ziglar has been a tremendous help. And the Self Journal by Best Self Co. is my go-to. Once I settled in and actually used these resources, things really changed for me. 

To combat procrastination, it is crucial to set realistic goals and develop a plan to achieve them. Break tasks into smaller, manageable steps to reduce feelings of overwhelm and make progress more achievable. Proverbs 21:5 states, “The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty.” By planning and setting achievable goals, we can work diligently and use our time wisely.

7 – Practice Self-Discipline

Procrastination and the “D” word. I can’t get around it. Discipline has to be part of the plan. Sorry. 

Self-discipline is a virtue that Christians are encouraged to develop, as it helps us remain focused on our spiritual growth and resist worldly temptations. 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 highlights the importance of self-discipline, likening the Christian life to a race that requires dedication and perseverance. To overcome procrastination, we must develop self-discipline by setting realistic goals, creating a schedule, and holding ourselves accountable.

Seeking accountability from fellow believers, such as friends or family members, can encourage us to stay on track and fulfill our responsibilities. You’ll just have to figure out what that looks like for you.

8 – Embrace the Power of Grace

Finally, it is important to remember that we will not always be perfect in our efforts to overcome procrastination. In these moments, we must rely on God’s grace and forgiveness. 2 Corinthians 12:9 reassures us, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

I beat myself up so often that I should cover myself in bubble wrap. Grace, y’all. If you’re weak, in procrastination or in other areas, it’s okay. God wants to do the heavy lifting, and if you’ll let Him, you’ll have one powerful testimony.

Overcoming procrastination is an ongoing process that requires intentionality, self-reflection, and reliance on God’s guidance. You won’t ever be completely free of this burden, but you can manage it.

Hope this encourages you. Be well!

I’m all about finding hope in the midst of struggles.

Life is full of struggles, challenges, and difficulties that can sometimes make us feel hopeless and helpless.

Whether it’s dealing with sickness, financial problems, broken relationships, or any other kind of setback, it’s easy to lose faith and feel like there’s no way out. However, as Christians, we have a unique perspective on struggles that allows us to find hope even in the darkest of times.

Maybe I’m obsessive about this “hope” thing. Just this morning I was reading a Facebook post from a friend of mine who is in a horrific downward spiral. She’s “had enough.” Most of her issues grew out of a realization that some earnest, heartfelt beliefs she had were shown to be categorically untrue. It rocked her world to realize she was wrong.

Well, if I were to put my hope in some sort of man-made construct like politics, I’d despair too.

Scripture gives reason for hope in the midst of struggles. 

The Bible is full of stories of people who faced incredible struggles and yet found hope and redemption through their faith in God. Take the story of Joseph, for example. Joseph was sold into slavery by his own brothers, falsely accused of a crime he didn’t commit, and spent years in prison. But through it all, he remained faithful to God and eventually became second in command of all of Egypt, saving his family from famine and becoming a hero to his people.

Similarly, the apostle Paul faced numerous struggles in his life, including imprisonment, persecution, and physical ailments. But he never lost faith and continued to preach the gospel even in the face of adversity. In fact, it was during his imprisonment that he wrote some of his most inspiring letters to the early Christian churches, encouraging them to persevere in the faith.

I know what you’re thinking, because I’m psychic like that: “I ain’t Joseph, and I ain’t Paul.”

True that. You are uniquely you. As a believer, however, you have the same resources that they had, and can find hope in the midst of struggles. 

How does that work? 

Here are four principles.

1 – Trusting in God’s Plan

One of the most powerful ways we can find hope in the midst of struggles is by trusting in God’s plan for our lives. The Bible teaches us that God is in control of everything, and that includes the challenges we face. In Romans 8:28, we read: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” 

This verse – which can’t be quoted enough –  reminds us that God can use even the most difficult situations for our ultimate good.

Of course, trusting in God’s plan isn’t always easy, especially when we’re in the middle of a crisis. But we can take comfort in the fact that God is always with us, even in our darkest moments. As Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” When we turn to God in our struggles, we can find hope in the knowledge that he is working everything out for our good.

As a Christian, trusting in God’s plan means having faith that God is in control of our lives and that he has a purpose for everything that happens. It means surrendering our own desires and plans to God and trusting that his plan for us is good, even if it may be different from what we had envisioned for ourselves. That’s a serious wakeup call. 

Trusting in God’s plan requires a deep belief in God’s character and his promises.

We need to trust that God is all-knowing, all-powerful, and all-loving, and that he desires what is best for us. We also need to trust that God’s plan for our lives is ultimately for our good and for his glory, even if it may involve hardship or suffering along the way. That’s tough, but there y’are.

Trusting in God’s plan can be challenging, especially when we face difficult circumstances or when God’s plan seems to conflict with our own desires. However, as Christians, we are called to have faith and to trust in God’s sovereignty. In Proverbs 3:5-6 – another classic –  we are encouraged to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

Trusting in God’s plan means having faith in his character and promises, surrendering our own plans to him, seeking his guidance and direction, and ultimately trusting that his plan for our lives is good and for his glory.

2 – Finding Community

As a Christian, finding community means being a part of a group of people who share our faith and who can support us in our spiritual journey. It means being surrounded by people who encourage us, challenge us, and help us grow in our relationship with God.

For an introvert like me, this has been a challenge. I like to be around  people, but primarily on my own terms. 

Still, finding community is an essential part of the Christian life. In the Bible, we see many examples of people who lived out their faith in community. The early church, for example, was characterized by a deep sense of fellowship and mutual support. Acts 2:42-47 describes how the believers “devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer…All the believers were together and had everything in common…they broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God.”

Finding community might involve attending a church or small group, participating in a Bible study or prayer group, or getting involved in a ministry or service project. The important thing is to be intentional about seeking out relationships with other believers who can support us in our faith. Our lives shouldn’t  operate in a vacuum.

We can find encouragement and accountability as we share our struggles and triumphs with others.

There can learn from the wisdom and experience of those who have walked the path of faith before us. We can also be a source of encouragement and support for others who are going through their own struggles and challenges. That’s a big deal. 

Ultimately, finding community as a Christian is about living out the call to love and serve one another.

In John 13:34-35, Jesus says, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” By finding and participating in Christian community, we can live out this command and grow in our relationship with God and with others.

3 – Cultivating Gratitude

Are you thankful? When we’re in the middle of a crisis, it can be easy to focus on all the things that are going wrong. However, as Christians, we’re called to give thanks in all circumstances. In 1 Thessalonians 5:18, we’re told to “give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

This doesn’t mean we should ignore our pain or pretend that everything is okay when it’s not. Rather, it means that we can find hope by looking for the good in every situation.

Maybe we can be grateful for the people who are supporting us, or for the small moments of joy we experience in the midst of our struggles. By intentionally cultivating gratitude, we can shift our focus from our difficulties to the blessings in our lives.

It means acknowledging that everything we have is a gift from God, and choosing to view our lives through a lens of gratitude rather than one of entitlement or complaint.

We can make a daily habit of thanking God for the blessings in our lives, both big and small. We can also reflect on how God has worked in our lives in the past, and give thanks for his faithfulness and provision.

This doesn’t mean ignoring our struggles or pretending that everything is okay when it’s not.

Rather, it means intentionally seeking out and giving thanks for the good things in our lives, no matter how small they may seem.

Cultivating gratitude can help us to shift our focus from our problems to the blessings in our lives, leading to greater joy and contentment. It can also help us to stay connected to God and to remember his faithfulness, even when we are facing difficult circumstances.

Cultivating gratitude as a Christian involves recognizing that everything we have is a gift from God, intentionally focusing on the positive aspects of our lives, and giving thanks to God for his provision and faithfulness. By practicing gratitude, we can experience greater joy and contentment in our lives, and deepen our relationship with God.

4 – Holding onto God’s Promises

To hold onto God’s promises means to trust in and rely on the truths and assurances found in the Bible that are attributed to God. These promises remind us of God’s love, faithfulness, and power, and can provide hope and encouragement in the midst of difficult circumstances.

Holding onto God’s promises involves several steps.

First, we need to identify the promises that speak to our specific situation. For example, if we’re facing financial difficulties, we might look to the promise in Philippians 4:19: “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” If we’re struggling with fear or anxiety, we might turn to Isaiah 41:10: “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Once we’ve identified the promises that apply to our situation, we need to meditate on them and internalize them. This means taking the time to read and study the relevant verses, and reflecting on what they mean for us personally. There are no shortcuts. We can also pray and ask God to help us believe and trust in his promises, even when our circumstances seem overwhelming.

Finally, holding onto God’s promises requires faith and patience.

We may not see immediate results or experience an instant resolution to our struggles, but we can trust that God is working behind the scenes and that his promises will come to pass. As Hebrews 11:1 tells us, “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”

Holding onto God’s promises involves a combination of faith, study, prayer, and patience. By relying on the truths and assurances found in the Bible, we can find hope and encouragement even in the midst of our struggles.

I hope this helped. Talk later!

Negative self-talk? You prone to that? Let’s work on it.

As Christians, we believe that we are created in the image of God and that God loves us unconditionally. However, sometimes we forget this truth and allow negative self-talk to take over our minds. This is a pretty nasty deal. Negative self-talk can be incredibly destructive, holding us back from pursuing our dreams, preventing us from taking risks, and robbing us of our joy and peace.

But here’s the good news: we don’t have to live with negative self-talk. By recognizing when negative thoughts are taking over our minds, replacing them with positive ones, and trusting in God’s promises, we can get rid of negative self-talk and live the joyful, peaceful, and fulfilling lives that God intended for us.

Recognizing Negative Self-Talk

The first step in getting rid of negative self-talk is recognizing when it’s taking over our minds. Negative self-talk can take many forms, such as telling ourselves we’re not good enough, smart enough, or talented enough. It can also take the form of a nagging feeling that we’ll never measure up to our own or other people’s expectations. Whatever form it takes, negative self-talk can be incredibly destructive.

One way to recognize negative self-talk is to pay attention to the thoughts we have throughout the day. When we notice a negative thought, we can pause and ask ourselves if it’s true. Often, we’ll find that the negative thought is based on a lie, rather than on reality. You’ll have to come up with your own list of triggers, but it’s easy to lie to yourself and believe what you’re saying.

Keeping It Positive

Once we recognize negative self-talk, we can take steps to replace it with positive thoughts that align with God’s truth. Notice I’m talking about God’s truth and not “truth” from another source. I’m an absolute truth kind of guy … truth, by its nature, can’t contradict itself. I’m talking about truth with no mixture of error, and that’s from God alone. We can do this by finding Bible verses or positive affirmations that counteract the negative thought. Here are a few examples:

If we’re struggling with the belief that we’re unlovable, we can remind ourselves of the truth in Romans 8:38-39, which says, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

If we’re feeling like we’re not good enough, we can remind ourselves of the truth in Philippians 4:13, which says, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.”

And if we’re feeling overwhelmed and anxious, we can remind ourselves of the truth in Matthew 6:34, which says, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Practicing Positive Self-Talk

Replacing negative self-talk with positive thoughts is just the first step. The next step is to practice positive self-talk consistently. This means intentionally choosing to speak and think positively about ourselves, even when it’s hard. We can do this by creating a list of positive affirmations and Bible verses that we can turn to whenever negative self-talk creeps in. Here are a few examples – some of God’s greatest hits, if you will:

• I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).
• I am a child of God (John 1:12).
• I am more than a conqueror through Christ (Romans 8:37).
• I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13).
• I am loved with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3).

Trusting in God’s Promises

Finally, we can trust in God’s promises as we work to get rid of negative self-talk. We can pray for strength, wisdom, and guidance, knowing that God is with us.

Chances are that I haven’t shared a single thing that you didn’t know. The goal, I’d say, is to close that gap between what you believe and actually do. You can’t wait until you feel like taking action to end what’s hurting you. Act first. Your feelings will catch up.

I hope these helped. You are harder on yourself than anyone else is. Embrace what God has done and what He thinks about you. His opinion matters. Yours doesn’t.

 Disappointment. Show of hands – who enjoys being disappointed?

I don’t see any. I’m appalled. I thought everyone likes being disappointed and let down.

This, of course, is a poking the bear kind of question, and if you’ve read my stuff for any length of time, you know I have an agenda.

Disappointment is absolutely part of the whole package of life we have. Things are not going to go your way all the time, or even most of the time.

You’ve been let down by someone. Circumstances have smothered you. And, most assuredly, you’ve been disappointed in yourself because you were an idiot.

Fret not, reader. Let’s talk about recovering from disappointment. Disappointment doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

Here are six thoughts about recovering from disappointment, in no particular order. I rather like these:

1 – Acknowledge your feelings.

Don’t pretend like everything is okay. It isn’t. You are disappointed. I’ll let you curate your own list of things that disappoint you; this thought applies to all of them.

You’re hurt, mad, confused, and bummed-out. I don’t intend to give you license to drag others into your little cesspool. Spare them. Talk about how you’re feeling with someone you trust and can show some empathy (as opposed to showing pity.) More on that later. 

The point: you are a hurtin’ puppy. Admit that to yourself. You are not some sort of wimp because you are feeling bad. 

You have to – appropriately! – allow yourself to feel and express the emotions that come with disappointment. That might include sadness, frustration, and flat-out anger. Be good with that.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.  – Isaiah 41:10

2 – Practice self-care.

Our culture talks a lot about mindfulness. That’s good; it is entirely appropriate to stay in touch with yourself, and take steps to fix things when you’re all out of whack. Chances are you know what to do to take care of yourself. The sticking point is actually taking the steps to do that, even if it’s not a pleasant task.

Dealing with disappointment means taking care of your emotional and physical well-being. Get enough sleep. Eat right, whatever that looks like to you. Do something mindless and fun, as long as you don’t get hurt or hurt someone else. 

If you’re a believer, then self-care means letting God have His healing way with you.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. – Psalm 34:18

3 – Reframe the situation.

This is so basic it’s profound. Rather than focusing on what’s wrong, consider what you can learn from the experience and what positive aspects you can take from it. 

If you’re disappointed, there has to be a reason for it. So – isolate the event, mindset, or situation, glean what you can from it, and move on. 

It comes down to looking at the situation from a different perspective. I promise there is something good to come from it, even if it’s “I’ll never do that again!”

Of course, if you go back and do “that” again, then you’re missing a big point. Plus, you’ve learned you aren’t very bright and need to make some changes. You can change, y’know. God is in the business of changing hearts, lives, and even minds. If you feel trapped and are beating yourself up, God wants to intervene. He understands that, in the flesh, you are floundering. 

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. – Romans 5:3-5

4 – Set realistic expectations.

It’s important to have realistic expectations for the future to avoid disappointment.

Life is a one-day-at-a-time proposition. This is not a license to avoid planning and setting goals. I am one of the most obsessive goal setters you’ll ever meet. I’ll plan my day in advance, typically the night before. I block out time for specific tasks.  My paper planner is my external brain; the internal one is subject to fog and forgetfulness. Maybe I’m a little OC. Or a lot.

Anyway, the point is to set achievable goals and understand that setbacks are a normal part of life.

You are going to blow it occasionally, often in spectacular fashion. That’s okay. Keep your expectations for the future where they need to be. You won’t lose 20 pounds in a week no matter how disciplined your diet is. 

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. – Philippians 4:13

5 – Seek support.

You don’t have to face disappointment alone. Unless you’re a  total hermit who’s withdrawn from society, there is someone – perhaps multiple someones – that can help you process what you’re feeling. Talking to an empathetic friend or family member can be transformative. And don’t forget about a pastor or other trusted Christian.

Or, if you don’t have any friends or family, how about a mental health professional? Actually, that might be a better choice than a family member or friend, because a professional won’t pity you. Being pitied is not what you want if you’re dealing with disappointment.

You’re looking for a fresh perspective. Help is available. Repeat after me: “There is no shame in asking for help.” This isn’t the 80’s. It is totally acceptable to recognize you’re a hot mess and need a little propping up.

It’s hard for some people to admit they need help. If that’s you, in love … don’t be that person.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of  many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. – James 1:2-4

6 – Focus on what you can control.

Think (but don’t overthink) this: There is precious little in this world you can control. There is so much you can’t change. There’s nothing you can do, for example, about Chinese spy balloons. Don’t dwell on things like that. It’ll make you crazy. I’d wager there isn’t much you can do about the stock market. I’d even go as far as to say that if you have a critically ill loved one, that’s out of your hands, too. 

Of course you pray, and pray earnestly. That’s not what I’m talking about.

Rather, I’m advocating focusing your energy on what you can control. The primary focus of what you can control is you. You control you. You are in charge of your actions, attitudes, and words. 

I can’t overemphasize this, and it was late in life before I internalized it: You have the power to choose, which means that you have the power to change. 

Be patient and kind to yourself. Focus on the steps you can take to move forward. Do not get yourself in a place that convinces you that you’re stuck the way you are. You are not. 

I’m not a motivational speaker. But I am telling you – you are going to be disappointed in yourself more than you are with other people. Recovering from disappointment? Start with you. You have extraordinary God-given power to move on. Lean on Him.  

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

Perseverance. Hanging in there.

We need to talk about perseverance. I’d contend that a lot of the problems and issues we face are due to simply giving up too soon. We got tired, or distracted, or listened to our inner demons.

Our lives are made up of a series of adversities, obstacles, and setbacks. Perseverance means we are to persist in the face of hard times and keep working toward a goal, whatever it is. 

Let’s break this perseverance thing down. What keeps us from persevering and giving up too early? Here are three barriers. I’m sure there are more. 

Fear. Fear can take all sorts of forms, but sometimes we’re simply afraid that life is too hard. So we pivot away from what we know we should be doing, and take the proverbial path of least resistance. We could also talk about a fear of failure – I mean, who actually likes to fail?

Doubt. We might look at the times historically when we’ve messed up and we then convince ourselves that we aren’t going to be any better. We don’t persevere, because we’ve failed before. Why should this time be any different?

Disappointment. I don’t particularly like being beat up over and over again. It makes me tired. Perseverance would ask me to keep trying. I don’t want to try if it isn’t going to make any difference. I convince myself that there is a virtue in giving up, because it helps me avoid any more hurt.

Perseverance isn’t a trait that comes naturally for me, for those three reasons. Your list of reasons might be different. 

Still, I know that I could solve myself a lot of grief if I didn’t fold so easily. I’ll admit that what I’m sharing isn’t something I can personally testify to. Blind leading the blind? Maybe. I hope I can help you and me both. 

It might be helpful if we took a look at some role models, some people who displayed perseverance. You probably know most of them. I’d contend they are just like us; the difference is that they hung in there. This is pretty inspiring:

Abraham Lincoln: Lincoln faced numerous setbacks and failures throughout his life, including losing eight elections, two business failures, and the death of his son. He persevered and eventually became the President of the United States, leading the country through the Civil War.

Martin Luther King Jr.: Of course, Martin Luther King Jr. was a key figure in the American Civil Rights Movement in the 1950s and 1960s. He faced many obstacles, including arrests, physical attacks, and death threats, but he persevered and played a pivotal role in the fight for racial equality.

Thomas Edison: Edison is known for his perseverance and determination. He conducted thousands of experiments in his quest to invent the light bulb, and is said to have failed over 10,000 times before finally succeeding. His perseverance led to the development of the first practical incandescent light bulb, which changed the world forever.

J.K. Rowling: J.K. Rowling, the author of the Harry Potter series, persevered through many rejections before finally getting her book published. Her perseverance led to the creation of one of the most beloved and successful book series in history.

Malala Yousafzai: Malala Yousafzai is a young activist who persevered through the Taliban’s attempts to silence her and her message advocating for girls’ education. Despite being shot in the head by the Taliban, Malala recovered and continued her activism, becoming the youngest Nobel Prize laureate in history.

Marie Curie: The first woman to win a Nobel Prize, Marie Curie faced many obstacles throughout her life. She had to overcome poverty, discrimination, and the loss of her husband, Pierre Curie, but her perseverance and determination led her to make groundbreaking discoveries in the field of physics and chemistry, including the discovery of the elements radium and polonium.

I know what you’re thinking: These folks were superstars. I’m nowhere close to showing that level of success.They had big goals, for sure. But perseverance can help in small ways, which should be a big personal deal: for example, learning a new skill, getting through difficult times, or reaching a specific target.

It might just be that the only real difference in them and you is that they persevered. Can you “learn” perseverance?

I think you can. Here are six real benefits:

1. Achieving goals: Perseverance is essential for achieving goals, whether they are personal or professional. When individuals persevere through difficulties, they increase their chances of success. With perseverance, we are better equipped to overcome obstacles and achieve their goals.
2. Developing resilience: Perseverance helps us develop resilience, the ability to bounce back from setbacks and challenges. When we persevere through difficult times, they become stronger and more capable of handling future challenges.
3. Developing a growth mindset: Perseverance is also closely linked to having a growth mindset, the belief that one’s abilities can be developed through hard work and effort. When we persevere, we learn that they can improve their abilities and achieve more than they initially thought possible.
4. Building self-efficacy: Perseverance helps us build self-efficacy, the belief that we can accomplish what we set out to do. When we persevere through challenges and achieve our goals, we develop a sense of self-efficacy that can help us tackle future challenges with greater confidence.
5. Improving problem-solving skills: Perseverance can help us improve our problem-solving skills by encouraging us to come up with new solutions to problems and to keep trying until we find the right one. This can help us become better equipped to handle challenges in the future.
6. Enhancing mental and physical well-being: Perseverance can also have a positive impact on mental and physical well-being. When we persevere through difficult times, we tend to feel more satisfied and fulfilled, which can lead to a greater sense of well-being. Additionally, when we persevere through physical challenges, we can improve their physical fitness and health.

Good, self-evident stuff there, right?  Let’s make this perseverance thing practical. 

Again, I’m sharing from a place I haven’t arrived at yet. Goals, right?

Perseverance is a trait that can be developed and strengthened over time. Here are a few ways to learn to persevere:

1. Set challenging but achievable goals: Setting challenging goals for yourself can help you develop perseverance. Make sure the goals you set are achievable, but also require effort and determination to reach.
2. Embrace failure: Failure is a natural part of the learning process and should be embraced as an opportunity to learn and grow. Instead of getting discouraged by failure, use it as motivation to keep going and try again.
3. Break down big goals into smaller steps: Breaking down big goals into smaller, more manageable steps can make them seem less daunting. This can help you stay focused and motivated as you work towards achieving your goal.
4. Learn from role models: Look to role models who have demonstrated perseverance in their own lives. Study their experiences and learn from their strategies for overcoming obstacles and achieving success. I gave you a good starter list.
5. Stay positive: Maintaining a positive attitude is crucial for persevering through difficult times. Try to focus on the progress you’ve made and the positive aspects of the situation, rather than dwelling on the negative.
6. Develop a support system: Surround yourself with people who will support and encourage you. Having a support system can help you stay motivated and on track when things get tough.
7. Look to Jesus: He was the Son of God, but He didn’t waver from His task. I truly believe that there were times when, in the flesh, He could have turned back. He didn’t. 

It’s worth mentioning that perseverance is not about being stubborn or insisting on doing something even if it is not the best option, it’s about being persistent and determined to achieve a goal or overcome a challenge, while being open to change and adapt when necessary. Additionally, it’s important to know when to take a break and recharge.

Hang in there. Perseverance. We can do this.

If you’re going to embrace self-pity, you might as well embrace misery.

It’s a funny thing. Some people simply seem to enjoy feeling bad for themselves. Respectfully, if that’s true of you, I have a simple question: How has self-pity helped you improve your life?

I get it. I do. This is one of those therapeutic blogs I need to write to myself from time to time.

Part of my self-pity grows from a Christian worldview. Huh?

In full disclosure … when I’m in a funk, and struggling with post-concussion syndrome, a migraine, or just low, self-pity rears its ugly head. It’s like getting thrown into a well, looking up at that little circle of daylight, and wondering how I’m going to get out.

Self-pity can make you feel like a failure at everything. Not good.

So, as a Christian, there shouldn’t be any room for self-pity. Problem is, it’s my faith (or lack of it) that moves me in that direction.

What an awful irony. The more intimate I become with God, the more aware I am of just how sinful I am. I realize that I am selfish, self-centered, and just what a lowlife I can be.

I struggle around my peers who seem to be sailing along in their Christian walk. That pity I have is because I haven’t reached that glorious place of a bulletproof Christian life. My head knows that everyone struggles; my heart says I shouldn’t be struggling like I am.

I’d love to feel like I’m awesome. I don’t think I’ve ever felt that way. That’s shallow, but I’d love to have folks believe I’ve got it together 24/7/365. I am aware that folks aren’t that easily suckered, but, hey, you gotta have aspirations, right?

It might be that, like me (God forbid), this self-pity thing is camped out on your back porch, ready to pounce when you leave the house. You may be feeling pretty awful about your sin and haven’t been as repententant as you should be. You want to be better for God, but it all comes back to you and how you’re feeling. There’s something out there that can move you out of self-pity, but it’s elusive, and just out of reach.

What’s a believer to do about self-pity?

As always, the Bible speaks. Check out this ancient script – it’s 2 Corinthians 10:3-6:

³ For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. ⁴ The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. ⁵ We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. ⁶ And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete.

Paul wants us to take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ. In the context of self-pity, that means that any self-pitying thoughts are of us and not of Him. He doesn’t see us as low-life bottom feeders. He thinks we’re pretty wonderful. The key is to see ourselves as He sees us, right?

Here’s good stuff, from 1 Corinthians 1:26-31:

²⁶ Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. ²⁷ But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. ²⁸ God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, ²⁹ so that no one may boast before him. ³⁰ It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. ³¹ Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”

This is some powerful ju-ju here. What’s crazy about it is that God encourages low self-esteem.

Look at that. We are not wise, not influential, not nobly born, we are weak, we are despised. That might be what we want to beat ourselves up about – those are traits of a loser, right? – but God turns that idea on its head.

The kicker is that God doesn’t want us to have a higher self-esteem, but instead a higher God-esteem. The focus is on Him, not us. You aren’t amazing, He is. You aren’t flawless; He is. You’re weak. He is strong.

We tend to obsess about ourselves, which is normal, because we spend a lot of time with ourselves. The thought is to put that self-pity aside because it simply doesn’t accomplish anything. That comes from a shift in focus – less of me, more of Him.

I love this. When it comes to self pity, the truth is that we can and should be mindful of our salvation every day. Every time you blow it, every time you don’t measure up to your self-imposed standards, God comes alongside us and says, “C’mon, pal. Once more, you need to be reminded that it’s not about you. I am present and active in your life. I’m not buying this self-pity stuff. You don’t have to feel that way, because I’ve given you all of grace. I saved you. You didn’t do anything to earn it, and you sure don’t deserve it. I’ve done this because I love you. Why self-pity? I’m all you need.”

Maybe you are the worst of sinners. But quit whining. You may not be all that in and of yourself, but you can celebrate God, Who came to you, undeserving sinner that you are, and adopted you into His family.

You don’t have to drown in self-pity and think only of yourself. God thinks about you all the time.

Talk later!

It seems that some “life rules” for this new year might be in order.

There’s nothing magical about these*, but they seem pretty appropriate. Fact is, they’re good life rules for any year.

Here ya go. Seven life rules, with some ruminations from me.

1 – Make peace with your past.

We all have those incidents from our past that tend to linger in our life’s rear-view mirror. That’s understandable. But what you want to be wary of is letting those past things, whatever they are, not disturb your present.

We don’t get do-overs. What’s done is done. Nothing to see here, folks. Move along. It’s called the past for a reason. Glean what you can, but don’t camp there. Don’t let them confound your present.

2 – What other people think of you is none of your business.

Here’s a tough life rule for you, perhaps. There is absolutely zero you can do about what people think. Honestly, what difference does it make? You be you. Be authentic. To the extent you can internalize this one, the more freedom you have. Chances are you can’t change someone’s mind about you, so don’t bother trying. Leave it alone. Again, just be real. Don’t let others put snakes in your head.

3 – Time heals almost everything.

This particular life rule has a little disclaimer – “almost.” Time is a healer, but it’s not the end-all. Hurts can leave scars even after healing takes place. I get that. You don’t want to live with perpetual regret or pain, obviously.

In essence, the counsel of this life rule is “give it time.” Some things just don’t lend themselves to quick fixes. Time is relative – years? Decades? A week? Who knows. It depends. (Is this vague enough for you?)

I’ll stand by this one. Whatever is out of whack with you, give it time.

4 – No one is is charge of your happiness.

Except you.

Think someone or something outside of yourself is supposed to make you happy? Nope. Life’s not like that, and the life rule is that you are responsible. There’s a prevalent entitlement mindset in our society these days we need to shuck.

This is not the same as God-given joy. He does give joy. What I’m talking about is the notion that the world exists to give you pleasure. Alert: the world doesn’t owe you anything, at least not happiness. There is the idea of “the pursuit of happiness,” and that’s actually pretty legit. There is nothing wrong with finding some fun out there and enjoying it.

Pursuit is the key word in this famous historical phrase, because it implies that you go looking for it. It doesn’t automatically come to you.

I’d hasten to say this isn’t a license for hedonism. You are in charge of your appropriate happiness. I’ll let it go at that.

5 – Don’t compare your life to others.

That, and don’t judge them either. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

This particular life rule has a couple of components that are complementary. I suppose we’ve all done this – looked at someone with envy because they seem to be getting all the breaks. They’re sharper than you, better looking, healthier, all that. Even when you go beyond surface appearances, they still seem to have it all together.

I hate to feel like that. Because they are unique, you and I are unique, and because of that there doesn’t even need to be any comparison. You be you, in other words, and I’ll be me, and I will believe the ancient script that states that I’m fearfully and wonderfully made.

And that judging thing? Have mercy. I’ll talk to someone, or read something they’ve posted on social media, and I wonder: Did your mama drop you on your head as an infant?

Because … what I’m hearing is so patently absurd and devoid of reason or critical thinking that I want to say, “Maybe your ignorance doesn’t need to be on such blatant display.”

I’ll hold my comments about the worst of the conspiracy theories.

The thing is that folks have a reason to believe what they believe. Who am I to judge? I don’t know their stories. Theirs are no less valid than mine. What I see is just a screen capture of one tiny part of their life journey. How could I devalue that?

6 – Stop thinking so much.

There is a divine element to this life rule. It is okay to not have all the answers. You wouldn’t handle omnipotence very well. None of us would. And “why?” is a perfectly acceptable question, as long as you don’t think you’re owed a satisfactory answer.

The good news is that when you need an answer, God may very well reveal it to you when you least expect it. Or not; He can certainly keep His own counsel, and He does. Frequently.

It may sound simplistic to say “just go with it,” but you can turn yourself into a jabbering, drooling, maniacal mess when you try to figure everything out. Some things you won’t ever understand. Some things you will someday.

In the flesh, I say to myself, “quit spending so much time in your own head.” In reality, though, my default thought is “Tony, you are so messed up.” I suppose I’ll be working on #6 all my life. Sheesh. It’s still a good life rule, though.

7 – Smile. You don’t own all the problems in the world.

Oh, y’all. Please embrace this last life rule.

I’ve advocated here in my blog, and other places, to take periodic news fasts. There is a case to be made for being informed, but I’d really encourage you not to dwell on the things you can’t do anything about.

Many people I know and love are so anxious, even depressed, because of the state of the world. Certainly we need to be diligent in prayer for the needs all around us.

Inherent in that, though, has to come a heartfelt acknowledgement that God’s got this. The problems are His to deal with. And God has no problems, right? He is not trying to figure things out. So, if He’s doing all that heavy lifting, He certainly doesn’t need your help. He owns it all. Not you.

That, beloved, should make you smile. You better listen to your Uncle Tony – you don’t own the world’s grief. You can’t fix everything. Fact is, there’s not a whole lot you can fix, except things like a burned-out light bulb. You can’t fix other people. For the most part, you can’t fix yourself.

Again, smile. Here’s why:

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” – Matthew 11:28-30

There’s your life rules. Be well. Talk later!

*These seven aren’t necessarily original with me. I’ll have to credit our old friend “author unknown.” I’ve just fleshed them out a little.

Sometimes I run across something that is so meaningful, so provocative, and so timely that I simply stand back in awe.

What I’m sharing today is by way of Trevin Wax – one of the most first-class intellects I’ve ever experienced, and who is a joy to be around.

I was in a meeting with him a couple of years ago, and he shared with us some musings from Clyde S. Kilby.  I wasn’t familiar with this gentleman, but I’ve since learned that he was an American writer and English professor, best known for his scholarship on the Inklings, especially J. R. R. Tolkien and C. S. Lewis. Kilby was born in Johnson City, Tennessee, and died in Columbus, Mississippi. That makes him one of my people.

If you know much about me, you’ll understand that this got my attention real quick.

Kilby wrote ten resolutions for mental and spiritual flourishing. I wish I had a fraction of his insight and writing ability.

I’m pleased to share them with you. Be challenged, and be blessed! It’s far better than anything I could have done on my own today.

1. At least once every day I shall look steadily up at the sky and remember that I, a consciousness with a conscience, am on a planet traveling in space with wonderfully mysterious things above and about me.

2. Instead of the accustomed idea of a mindless and endless evolutionary change to which we can neither add nor subtract, I shall suppose the universe guided by an Intelligence which, as Aristotle said of Greek drama, requires a beginning, a middle, and an end. I think this will save me from the cynicism expressed by Bertrand Russell before his death when he said: “There is darkness without, and when I die there will be darkness within. There is no splendor, no vastness anywhere, only triviality for a moment, and then nothing.”

3. I shall not fall into the falsehood that this day, or any day, is merely another ambiguous and plodding twenty-four hours, but rather a unique event, filled, if I so wish, with worthy potentialities. I shall not be fool enough to suppose that trouble and pain are wholly evil parentheses in my existence, but just as likely ladders to be climbed toward moral and spiritual manhood.

4. I shall not turn my life into a thin, straight line which prefers abstractions to reality. I shall know what I am doing when I abstract, which of course I shall often have to do.

5. I shall not demean my own uniqueness by envy of others. I shall stop boring into myself to discover what psychological or social categories I might belong to. Mostly I shall simply forget about myself and do my work.

6. I shall open my eyes and ears. Once every day I shall simply stare at a tree, a flower, a cloud, or a person. I shall not then be concerned at all to ask what they are but simply be glad that they are. I shall joyfully allow them the mystery of what Lewis calls their “divine, magical, terrifying and ecstatic” existence.

7. I shall sometimes look back at the freshness of vision I had in childhood and try, at least for a little while, to be, in the words of Lewis Carroll, the “child of the pure unclouded brow, and dreaming eyes of wonder.”

8. I shall follow Darwin’s advice and turn frequently to imaginative things such as good literature and good music, preferably, as Lewis suggests, an old book and timeless music.

9. I shall not allow the devilish onrush of this century to usurp all my energies but will instead, as Charles Williams suggested, “fulfill the moment as the moment.” I shall try to live well just now because the only time that exists is now.

10. Even if I turn out to be wrong, I shall bet my life on the assumption that this world is not idiotic, neither run by an absentee landlord, but that today, this very day, some stroke is being added to the cosmic canvas that in due course I shall understand with joy as a stroke made by the architect who calls himself Alpha and Omega.

Talk soon. Comments welcome!

I was called an idiot in the ninth grade by a man I had tons of respect for.

Today I would be known as a “band geek.” Back then, if it wasn’t band or church youth group stuff, I didn’t have a whole lot to do with it.

At Elba High School – home of the Marching Tigers! – band was actually considered cool. On Friday nights during football season, virtually the whole population of Elba, Alabama, could be found at the stadium. We were blessed with both a fine football team and band – champions all.

My band director back then was Bill Hickman. I swear, I would’ve taken a bullet for that man. He was a fine musician and master motivator. I had crazy respect for him. He seldom raised his voice – he just had that undefinable way of coaxing the best out of us.

We all loved marching season. Concert season, not so much. To transition from Friday nights under the lights to practice in the bandroom for concerts was tough.

I just enjoyed playing my horn (trombone, FYI). Note that I wasn’t great, or even all that good. Maybe I could have been if I’d practiced like I should’ve.

Still, I was competent enough. And, I wanted to please Mr. Hickman.

One afternoon we were rehearsing for our upcoming Christmas concert. We were practicing a sweet chorale arrangement of “Silent Night.” It was one of those occasions when the music flowed like soft waters. You could look at Mr. Hickman as he was conducting and tell that he was enraptured by the sounds he drew from us.

Until I screwed up.

In a moment of silence in between bars, when the whole arrangement called for a rest, I held over into that moment, dragging whatever note I was playing a beat too long. I was the only one playing my instrument … in a moment when I shouldn’t have been.  It was as obvious as if I’d set off a cherry bomb.

Without missing a beat, and while still conducting, Mr. Hickman looked at me and said “idiot.” It came out like this: ID-eee-ot. He continued on, looking back at his score.

No big deal, right? For some reason, though, that little three-second incident is as fresh in my mind as if it’d happened yesterday. Of course, I’m over whatever wound I received, but I still remember it. (Maybe I’m not completely over it or I wouldn’t be bringing it up.)

What’s your “idiot” moment? Can you think of a time when you screwed up and beat yourself senseless because of your failure? Of course you can.

So. How does one move on past failure – specifically, how can you not be so hard on yourself?

• Rather than be so self-critical, admit you blew it. Call it out. Writing it down might help get it out of your head and get it on paper so you can deal more effectively with it.
• Acknowledge that, in that moment, you were weak. Not helpless.
• Focus on the excellence that you DO have. Again, write this down (I’m the king of journaling. It simply works.) If you don’t think you aren’t excellent at anything, I’m here to tell you you’re so, so wrong. You are unique, one of a kind, which means you bring something to the world’s table that no one else has. You aren’t an idiot, at least most of the time.
• Remember no one of any consequence loves you any less because you fell short.
• Ask yourself: “What in my life is causing me to focus on what I think is wrong with me instead of what is right?” One awful byproduct of living in our broken world is that we gravitate toward the negative. Guess what: You are blessed. Say that aloud: “I am blessed.” Because, dang it, you ARE, and don’t let anyone or anything tell you differently.
• Etch this in mental stone: “You are what you think about.”
• Etch this in mental stone: “You are what you think about.” (I just wanted that to be clear.)
• I say this all the time, because it’s true: “Failure is an event, not a person.”
• Here’s the ringer. You can have hope. You aren’t an idiot. Because …
• “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.” That’s some ancient script from Philippians 4:8, and that’s a good word no matter what your beliefs. Because – drum roll – you are what you think about.

Hope this encouraged you. And I don’t think Mr. Hickman really thought I was an idiot. Well … maybe for one beat or so. I’m sure he never gave it another thought. Nor should I.

We are all broken in some fashion, aren’t we? And brokenness can manifest itself in broken relationships.

This is a theme I tend to return to often, Broken relationships are just excruciating. Let’s suss this out, and let me see if we can get some guidance here.

You know where I’m coming from, right? And the fact is there are two sides to this particular coin, and we’ve hurt others just as much as they’ve hurt us.

There are broken people living with broken people in a broken world, and that leads to even more brokenness.

We don’t understand how much power we hold to cut down, wound, and affect the hearts of other people. We can be devastated by others. 

Here’s what I’m talking about. Can you relate?

Psalm 55:12-14, 19b-21

“It is not an enemy who taunts me-

I could bear that.

It is not my foes who so arrogantly insult me-

I could have hidden from them.

Instead, it is you- my equal,

My companion and close friend.

What good fellowship we once enjoyed 

As we walked together to the house of God…

..My enemies refuse to change their ways;

They do not fear God.

As for my companion, he betrayed his friends;

He broke his promises.

His words are as smooth as butter,

But in his heart is war.

His words are as soothing as lotion,

But underneath are daggers!”

Yikes. Can you think of a time when someone close to you hurt you? Did you feel broken after this?

So.

What can we do when we’re hurt by others?

Redemption is a root theme of scripture. It’s God’s role to take broken things and put them back together, and this includes relationships. It’s a cooperative effort; He’ll do His part, but we can’t be passive. Every hurtful situation is unique to the parties involved, and reconciliation is easier in some scenarios than others. Still, I believe there are some principles at work.

1.  Healing from brokenness is God’s gift.

This is God’s role, and healing always comes from Him and no one else. If you’ve been hurt, then the person who hurt you can’t fix you. And if you’ve hurt someone else, you don’t have the power to heal them. Our role is to tear down all the barriers of pain and resentment we put in the other person’s path, and then step back and let God fix what is broken.

2.  God’s goal  is to bring beauty out of every brokenness.

You may have been the wounded, or you may have inflicted the wounds. Be comforted knowing God is the redeemer in all things, and He’ll bring beauty out of brokenness we cause or experience. This is the only hope in a world where we as people hurt others, and they end up broken.

3.  Jesus heals.

Christ cares when people are broken and hurt by others. God hasn’t made all things new yet. Ultimately, He will. At the cross, he took action against our brokenness, He brings beauty out of brokenness now, and He will ultimately redeem relational brokenness forever.

4. Pray before taking any action.

This should be self-evident, but if you’re broken, this is a step in restoration. Remember you can’t fix this. So you have to ask for wisdom, patience, and love. Invite God to do what you can’t.

5. Don’t put off apologizing.

No apology, no reconciliation. Simple, right? But don’t put it off. Rather than wait for the other person to make the first move, jump in. It takes two people to mess up a relationship, but three to mend what is broken – that’s what God does. Insisting you didn’t do anything wrong leads to hurt and resistance, so you have to be vulnerable. Own your actions.

6.  Forgive the other person.

You have great power. The power to forgive! Lots of times, being broken comes from a past wound that one or more people created, and while that wound festers, there can be no restoration. Forgiveness, then, needs to be at the front end in order to deal with brokenness.

7.  Listen carefully, talk caringly.

So much of being in a broken relationship comes from us not really listening to them and striving to understand them. Listen, and don’t sit there rehearsing what you want to say when they take a breath. And, you for sure want to watch the words you say and how to say them.

8. Admit your own failings.

Being broken means acknowledging sometimes you can break yourself. This is a companion thought to Number 5 above. Instead of trying to win another argument, check out James 5:16 and confess any sins you’ve committed against that person. Take responsibility for what has happened.

9. Pursue peace.

There is a real chance you might never see eye-to-eye with the other person. You may not get the closure you want. That’s okay, because remember – it isn’t about winning! It’s a matter of realizing you both are broken, and you want to work on that relationship so it can be restored.

10. Know that, in some cases, the most necessary thing is to just walk away.

I hate this. There are some relationships that are so broken that even after prayer, pleas for forgiveness, and doing all you know to do for restoration, there may be some barriers that can’t be broken down by human hands. At that point, it’s time to step back and ask God to step in and be God. This isn’t a move to be taken lightly, because it might be perceived as a fresh wound. Again, God’s got this, and you can be at peace knowing you’ve done what you needed to do.

One thing for sure: If you are a believer, God works all the events of this life together for good. That means that nothing, and I mean nothing you do or that is done to you is irredeemable. God wants to bring beauty from your relational pain and brokenness and use it to sanctify you and bring about healing from being broken.

O be joyful.

Talk soon!

“Why me?” Have you ever asked that?

I have, and I’ll bet you have too. I don’t think it’s because any of us feel entitled, but it is a natural response when things are piling up on us.

Why me? It’s a hard question. I’ve prayed plenty of prayers that started out with “Why…?”

Several years ago I was serving a church in Florida. In a sister church in town, a young couple were in a car accident. The husband had a significant brain injury and was in a coma. His wife died on the scene. So when this man came out of the coma, he awoke to learn that he was a widower with two preschool children.

That seems horrifically unfair. His statement was simple, according to the youth minister at the church: “Why me?”

That’s a basic, primal question.

You may think about this story and think, “That’s not all that bad compared to what I’ve faced in my life.” Perhaps. It’s hard to be objective when you’re the one that’s hurting. We do tend to judge our troubles on a scale when comparing ourselves to others.

Here’s the fact, though: In this life, you’re going to have challenges and pain. It comes with having a pulse. Your reponse might be to ask, “Why me?”

I’d encourage you not to feel bad about asking that. It doesn’t mean you’re weak or unspiritual. It just means you want answers.

Here’s a scriptural reality check:

• Yet man is born to trouble as surely as sparks fly upward.  – Job 5:7
• Anyone born of woman is short of days and full of trouble. – Job 14:1
• For all his days are filled with grief, and his occupation is sorrowful; even at night, his mind does not rest. This too is futile. – Ecclesiastes 2:23
• Why did I come out of the womb to see only struggle and sorrow, to end my life in shame? – Jeremiah 20:18

I could go on, but I don’t need to. These are honest statements that could easily lead to a “why me?”

There is a companion thought, and this won’t win me any popularity contests, especially here at Thanksgiving: “Why not me?”

If problems and heartbreak are part of the human condition, then “why not me?” is an equally valid question, even if it’s unpleasant to think about.

Whatever grief you’re facing, you aren’t unique. You aren’t singled out.

You may be familiar with my testimony: floods, surgeries, cancer, brain injury, murder, have all been part of my story. And this isn’t a plea for sympathy, or me using this platform to play on your emotions. My story is your story. We all have troubles. It’s universal, right?

I can  ask “Why not me?” knowing that I’m not special. I am not alone.

There isn’t any inherent comfort there. So I have to dig a little deeper. If I want to be truly thankful, there are a few more layers to peel back.

I’ve come to realize there is a natural progression for me. Maybe all of us, if we’d just take time to evaluate things.

I’m about to go all scriptural on you, because that’s all I have. It’s also all I need.

Check this out:

Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in everything; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:16 – 18.

There is an obvious truth in these verses. The command is not to be thankful for everything (how could you be thankful for the death of a child, for instance?), but rather to give thanks in everything. There is quite the difference.

It’s a matter of recognizing that we gratefully acknowledge God’s hand in all circumstances. Circumstances change, but God does not.

The challenge is for us to remain aware of God’s goodness regardless of what things seem to be on the surface.

I don’t have to tell you that’s not easy, especially when our emotions have gripped us and our feelings are all over the map.

Part of it is just realizing there is a lot going on around us that we’ll never be aware of. That’s where the “why me?” comes in. Maybe part of it simply means that we are to be open to God in all situations and recognize that not only is He aware of what we’re facing, but that He already knows the outcome.

We can, then, ask “why me” but we also understand He’s under no obligation to answer. I’m guessing that has something to do with faith and free will.

There’s a third step, then. Here’s the progression:

• Why me?
• Why not me?
• Why me?

That third “why me?” There are some sweet promises in that one.

Here’s a hypothetical:

Say a man loses his beloved wife. He asks, “Why me?”

Then he comes to realize that people lose loved ones. All the time. There is nothing unique in his loss, even as much as it hurts. He comes to be able to sincerely say “Why not me?”

As time goes on, he grows into acceptance that he wasn’t picked out of the crowd by the hand of a capricious God Who delights in inflicting pain. He realizes that death is part of living.

The result is that he is able to identify and empathize with others going through similar challenges. He’s able to touch lives that otherwise he never could have – it’s a matter of “been there, done that.” He realizes that things happen not only for his growth and maturity, but so that he can minister in God’s name to others.

The result? He realizes that he’s supernaturally blessed. Now he can say, “Why me?” He realizes that triumph has grown from tragedy, and he has a cause greater than himself. He can’t believe how fortunate he is to serve.

This is an idealized scenario, perhaps. “I could never be so accepting of my loss,” you say.

I don’t have an answer for you. You know yourself and your heart.

My point is simply we do have so, so much to be grateful for.

Why me, indeed:

• I woke up this morning in a warm bed.
• Breakfast was simple and good.
• My car started.
• Lunch was good, too.
• I have a job.

I could go on, and belabor the obvious, but we can all rightfully say “Why me? Why do I have so much and why am I so blessed? Why is there always hope? Why was I given another day here?”

It’s because you ain’t done here yet.

O be joyful.

Who wouldn’t want a better life? It can be yours.

What was it the old preacher said? “Put the hay where the sheep can get to it.”

Maybe today you’re feeling sheepish, and need some good hay. I hope this’ll fit the bill.

The context: I’ve spoken before about the gap between where I want and need to be and where I actually am. Chances are you know what I’m talking about. It’s a matter of having values and standards, and knowing clearly what they are … and not acting on them in real-life situations.

Or, you ask for advice and if it doesn’t appeal to you – even if it’s good – you don’t take it.

Worst of all, you’re aware that your attitudes, and the actions that grow from them, are stifling your growth. You get frustrated, and paralyzed, and you stay in the same sorry state you’re already in. And THAT leads to self-loathing and a sense of being unworthy.

Take heart. It doesn’t have to remain that way. You can have a better life, but you do have to act.

Let me share six thoughts with you. Each thought should ideally lead to action on your part and lead you toward a better life.  Let’s strive for deeds and not just words with this list, okay?

1. Hate no one, no matter how much they’ve wronged you. (And I’m sure you’re saying, c’mon, Tony, that’s not what I wanted to hear right out of the chute.) For some, hate comes easily, and I wouldn’t presume in this simple blog to try to analyze the why’s. It may be that ingrained childish impulse to hurt back when we’ve been hurt (as if that would change anything.) I’m not persuaded that hating anyone for any reason ends up positively for the person doing the hating. I’m not discounting the crystalline pain that comes when someone does you wrong. What I do want to state is that hate won’t undo what has already happened. That’s rear-view mirror stuff. And that person entered your life for a reason, as unfathomable as that might be. We can learn lessons from good and bad people. Bottom line: hating someone else doesn’t change a thing. If anything, it makes you feel even worse.
2. Live humbly, no matter how wealthy you are. This may not be an issue for you, because you feel you don’t have much to begin with. This actually has more to do with our Western fixation on “stuff” – acquiring and holding onto material things. I’ll admit that there are thing I appreciate – air conditioning in my car, my Instant Pot, my iPhone. I am thoroughly unimpressed with people who flaunt their things. If you determine your worth based on your “worth,” then how will you feel when you don’t have it any more? The goal is to simply live humbly, as in “live within your means,” and be grateful for that. I struggle with delayed gratification, because when I want something I want it then. That’s put me in a tough place more than once. Right now, take a moment and look around. My guess is you have everything you need and a lot of things you simply want, and that’s not a bad thing. You are doing fine. Better than fine, actually. You already have a better life than many.
3. Think positively, no matter how hard life is. This is not some pop psychology, pump yourself up directive. You can start by realizing that you are not unique and that there are a couple of gazillion other people who have faced or are facing the same challenges you are. That may not lessen your pain, but there is some comfort in knowing you aren’t alone. Second, thinking positively may not change your situation, but it will change you. You for sure can’t change other people, and you may not be able to change your circumstances. You can change your heart. This should be self-evident. I mean, don’t you feel better when you embrace the positive rather than dwell on the negative? You are responsible. You can change your outlook. Pity the person who builds themselves a cage of misery, places themselves in it, and locks the door and tosses away the key. When you don’t think positively, what you are saying is that you are psychic to the extent that you know exactly what is going to happen, i.e., things will never get any better. You are positive because there is always hope of a better life.
4. Give much, even if you’ve been given little. We can start with giving away tangible things – money, for instance. I know money is hard to come by, and there is something in our primordial nature that makes us want to cling to what we have. Even now, I’m watching our grandson try to grasp the concept of sharing, and it doesn’t come easy. He’s pretty selective about what he shares, and with who. But you know how good you feel when you’re able to help someone else out? How about if that was a lifestyle? And if you’re operating from a scarcity mindset, just remember that you are living in abundance. For believers, remember that ancient script tells us that God owns the cattle on a thousand hills. That’s a nice transitional thought to the principle of giving yourself away. Is there anything more noble or rewarding than spending yourself in a cause bigger than yourself? Or giving yourself to someone who can be blessed because of you? You may not have much money, but you do have a big ol’ heart. Be expansive. Be extravagant.
5. Forgive all, especially yourself. This is a companion thought to #1, above. Here’s the reality – folks have done you bad. You may even have a “nemesis” out there, someone who is simply out to get you. Or they’ve already gotten you. I’ve looked hard, and I can’t for the life of me find justification to not forgive. There’s not a loophole in sight. Forgiveness isn’t conditional. We could tease out some scenarios where you might feel justified in saying, “I just can’t forgive so-and-so for what they did,” but that justification won’t stand up under the reality of what we are commanded to do. Then there’s the matter of forgiving yourself. This is a tough one. You know yourself, your heart, and what you’ve done. It may be that there is real shame attached to something in your past. Again, though, you can’t take it back. Don’t pretend that feeling bad about yourself will make you feel better. There is a biblical concept called “repentance,” which means not only do you feel conviction about what you’ve done, but you resolve to accept Forgiveness and turn away from the thing that caused personal grief in the first place. Don’t dwell on the bad you’ve done. Concentrate on the good that is in you.
6. Never stop praying for the best for everyone. If you ever catch yourself wishing ill will on someone else, shame on you. How would wanting someone to hurt help you? There may be a perverse satisfaction in seeing “someone get what was coming to them,” but it is a satisfaction based on our own selfish sense of vengeance. I’ve heard this all my life, but I’ve finally accepted that it’s hard to hate someone when you’re praying for them. You’ll have to determine what someone else’s “best” is as you pray for them. A good place to start is to pray for that person’s hard heart, that it be softened and opened to the possibility of goodness and peace. Pray for a better life for them! My former boss says “hurt people hurt people,” and that’s a pretty wise statement. Wouldn’t your own heart be softened if you knew someone who dislikes you was praying for you?

These six thoughts are all interconnected, and one is not more important than the other. So do a little introspection, determine where you need to go to work, and get after it. You can be hopeful. Who you are not is not who you’re destined to remain.