Some things are out of our hands. Unfortunately, that’s what we tend to obsess over.
Your Uncle Tony’s only comment: What good does that do? That’s not to say that I’m not guilty of this. What I have learned for myself personally is that I don’t need to clutter up my precious headspace thinking about things I have no control over.
So, I don’t worry about the supervolcano under Yellowstone National Park. I really ration my intake of news – most of it I simply can’t do anything about, or even influence. (Yes, I am an informed voter, but why track every word or comment?)
I can’t make anyone like me.
I can’t fix folks, as much as I’d like to.
You could make your own list of things you fret over that you can do absolutely nothing about. I’d wager it would be a long one.
That junk needs to be set aside.
But there are things you can control and do something about. Let’s talk about those, because some of these can genuinely affect the condition of your life and heart. I want this to be encouraging.
These are in no particular order. I may have seen this list somewhere, or at least something similar, but these are the points that I think are worth sharing. The pontificating on the points are all my own stream of consciousness musings.
- Who you hang out with. I’ll bet your mama pointed this out to you at some juncture of your life. You take on the nature of the folks you are around. That could be good or very, very bad. How about let’s all hang out with folks who are positive, affirming, and genuine? How about avoiding those who are negative, destructive, and who delight in being miserable and deceptive? Who do you want to be like? I understand that frequently we’re put in places in which we can’t avoid toxic people – it might be classmates, coworkers, or even relatives. You may not be able to control that, but you can control your level of interaction and involvement. You know who’s good for you and who’s not.
- Your effort. Remember what Yoda said? “Do, or do not. There is no try.” I’ve observed that when people say “I’ll try,” as in, “I’ll try to be there,” that means no, or at the very least “I’ll lean in that direction but I’m not promising anything.” So if you say you’ll try something – attempt it – that’s where effort kicks in. You can choose how hard you try. I’m wary of anything that comes too easily. We all need to determine what’s worth an all-in effort and what is of no real consequence. Abraham Lincoln said, “Whatever you are, be a good one.” That’s the effort I’m talking about. Of course, you don’t want to invest in uselessness.
- How personally you take things. I grew up hearing, “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never harm me.” That’s bogus, of course, because words do hurt, and some people can wield them with deadly accuracy. Our default attitude should be “consider the source,” because some people are just naturally mean-spirited and ugly. So what do you do when you’re slammed by someone you care about? The trick/skill is to separate yourself and your sense of worth from what was said. Someone else’s words or actions don’t define who you are. Remember – hurt people hurt people. You might find yourself feeling pity for the person who attacked you. It’s your choice as to how you respond. You can choose.
- What you believe. Beliefs are so subjective, y’know? People hold totally irrational beliefs and would go to the mat defending them. (For a lot of the world, for instance, belief in God is just nuts and utterly irrational. So I know what it’s like to be on the receiving end.) I try not to belittle someone else’s beliefs, but I do want to be in a place that I can share my own with them. That has a lot to do with earning the right to be heard. That said, I can indeed control what I believe. I’m just not gonna let someone else tell me how to think. Whatever you believe grows out of your worldview, and that was influenced by … something. The reason we draw battlelines is because we approach life from differing worldviews and don’t bother to try to understand where the other person is coming from. That’s another topic, perhaps.
- Your priorities. Yes, indeed, you can choose how to invest your time and energies, and you’ll tend to invest them in what is important to you. You get to choose what’s important. You know where your heart is. You know what you make time for. You can learn a lot about yourself and the state of your heart by evaluating where you spend your time. Maybe Stranger Things 3 is your priority these days. Maybe spending time in prayer is a priority. You get to pick.
- How kind you are. A favorite go-to descriptor from my childhood was to identify someone as a “meanie.” They’re still out there. I’m so naive here – I can’t help but wonder why we can’t all be nice to each other. It’s out of your hands as to how someone treats you. What you can do is decide how you treat others. For pity’s sake, be kind. You may not receive kindness in return, but at least you’ll know you did the right thing. “You must always remember this: Have courage, and be kind. You have more kindness in your little finger than most people possess in their whole body. And it has power. More than you know.”
― Brittany Candau, Have Courage, Be Kind: The Tale of Cinderella
- What you eat. I’ve never seen anyone accidentally eat anything.
- What you talk about. This is a big one. Lord knows I’ve been historically known for saying things and immediately wishing I could take it back. I distinctly remember saying something harsh to a kid in my youth group, and doing it to make a point. I’ll never forget the hurt on his face. What I said and how I said it was totally unnecessary. And blurting out something inappropriate? That too. I’m actually thinking more here about what we say and discuss that’s premeditated. That’s shows the condition of your heart. Ancient script says, “Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.” *
- What you think about. Of course, there are times when really, really unwelcome thoughts jump into our heads. As the saying goes, “You can’t stop a bird from landing on your head, but you can keep him from building a nest once he gets there.” What I’m referring to are the thoughts we embrace and ponder and marinate in. Think bad, reap bad. Think joy, reap joy. It’s just that simple, at least in concept. In practice it’s little tougher. What you think about so often has to do with environment – who we hang with, what we watch or listen to, all that. I always say, “Guard your heart,” but a companion to that would be “Guard your mind.”
- How open-minded you are. I have to tread carefully here, but I’d wager all of us were born open-minded. Life experiences, exposures to those of differing worldviews, and tons of other factors can cause those open minds to slam shut like a bear trap. To folks who would definitively say, “There is no God,” for example, I have to wonder what brought them to that conclusion. In fairness, I’d have to apply that same standard to myself … there was a time in the past that while I never questioned the existence of God, I had to consider “What if this Jesus story is the biggest hoax ever?” I resolved that quickly, of course, but to be intellectually honest I thought it was okay to entertain the hard questions. Open mindedness would also include hearing the other person’s story without prejudice. I will say that there are several issues of life that I am beyond rigid about, but that doesn’t mean I won’t give you a fair and compassionate hearing.
- Your happiness. Did you know you can choose to be happy? Did you know that true joy exists apart from circumstances? Joy doesn’t have a whole lot to do with emotion, and emotions are great betrayers. But, yeah, you can choose happiness and your God-inspired outlook on life. You are responsible.
- How seriously you take life. Okay, granted, I’m a true melancholic, and I tend toward gloom (not pessimism, and certainly not despair.) Honestly, though, people. Honestly. There are so many things we view as cataclysmic, and in the grand cosmic scheme of things, they just aren’t that big of a deal. I can read political posts, and my first thought is, “That person is taking themselves WAY too seriously.” Not only that, some things we get all worked up about are really just goofy. Pity the humorless person who can’t laugh at themselves! Everything that happens impacts eternity, in some way; but so much of our personal peace and encouragement comes from just going along for this wonderful ride of life. Control what you can, and the things you can’t? How about letting God handle those for you? He’s good like that.
* James 3:5-6
