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I ran across this quote from E.B. White (you read Charlotte’s Web, right?) and it is haunting me, because it has to do with being compassionate and upright. I want to tease this one out.

“As long as there is one upright man, as long as there is one compassionate woman, the contagion may spread and the scene is not desolate. Hope is the thing that is left to us, in a bad time.”

I’m not sure why White added the adjectives he did – upright man and compassionate woman – when women can be upright and men can be compassionate too. But I’ll go with that.

So what are the traits of an upright man?

• Standing tall. I’ve heard people referred to as “straight up.” I like that. 
• Unbowed. You can’t be upright and bowed at the same time. Bowing is an appropriate response to Deity, but facing opposition with determination – that’s being unbowed. Or it’s simply being brave.
• Honest. Like not ducking your head when you’re ashamed of something you’ve said or done. Owning up to error.
• Having integrity. That’s your yes being yes and your no being no. Folks should be able to interact with you without fear of you doing something underhanded.
• Transparent. What you see is what you get. No ambivalence. 

And a compassionate woman?

• Caring. Not just a surface “doing the right thing.” It’s a matter of investing your heart in someone or something else.
• Sacrificial. While you certainly must look after yourself – you can’t draw water from an empty well – at times it’s appropriate and necessary to give beyond yourself.
• Tenderhearted. This is a desired trait for everyone, naturally, but my thought is that to be tenderhearted is to let your guard down and empathize with someone else’s need. Which means you might even share in their feelings.
• Creative. You ever thought about how you can show you care? Words are okay, but sometimes feeble. Sometimes “doing” is good, if it means helping in a tangible way. But sometimes just being – offering presence – is what is called for.
• Unwavering. This means loving until the end. This is tricky; sometimes you can love someone and realize you can’t be what they need you to be, and have to distance yourself to some degree. Still, love is non-negotiable. It’s not selective.

I am encouraged when I have the opportunity to be around upright men and compassionate women. Here are four truths:

For one thing, it keeps me from feeling alone. You may have moments of thinking that you are the only one who “gets it.” You are frustrated and hurt because others don’t see the same needs you do. Upright men and compassionate women inspire me to be more in the moment, to unleash my heart, and to genuinely strive to make a difference in my little world.

Secondly, White said that the “contagion may spread.” Can being upright and compassionate take on viral traits? I’d like to think so.

There have been times when I’ve sought to take the high road in a contentious debate. I’ve wanted to be a peacemaker. Problem is, some people thrive in a good fight, and I’m not talking about the kind of disagreements that lead to an aimable solution to a problem. I’m talking about fighting because of pure meanness. 

When people aren’t living their very best lives, they sometimes resort to commiseration through competitive yelling. 

I want to do my little part to banish that – at least from my life, and from the lives of others who would give kindness a chance. Listening to each other, for starters. Spreading that seems to me to be a noble endeavor.

Third, what do you do with a desolate scene? It’s hard not to think about Ukraine when invoking that phrase.

Check this out. This is Ukrainian navy musicians performing in front of a barricade made of sandbags near the opera theater in central Odessa, Ukraine, March 8, 2022. (REUTERS/Iryna Nazarchuk)

How can hope thrive in the midst of chaos and desolation? Well, by golly, it obviously can. It brings to mind the legendary Phoenix, rising from the ashes. 

Ukraine is teaching all of us a lot about being upright and compassionate. I’m seeing those virtues being played out in real time. It gives me hope.

Finally, there is this: Hope is the thing left to us.

I’ll ride this horse until it drops. You are aware of the name of this website, right? Because, in the deepest parts of my bone marrow, I can not find any reason for hopelessness, especially for the believer. 

When you say “it’s hopeless,” what you are saying is that you are psychic, that you can foresee the future, and you know there is no chance for things to get better. 

How can you know that? The circumstances you find yourself in are transient. Yesterday was different from today, and tomorrow will be, in like fashion, different too. 

It may be that you’ve perceived yourself to be tossed about on the waves of fate, unable to control what is happening around you. In some measure, that’s true. But there is a whole lot you can do to have hope, the main thing being to have faith in God. I promise He is not staying up all night fretting over the state of His Creation and wondering how He’s to fix this mess. He has plans and divine intent, and He is in no fashion obligated to let us in on His designs. 

Make no mistake. This is a bad time. A very bad time, and certainly the worst I’ve seen in my years here. And yet, for me to say that betrays my short-sightedness. The best I can manage is a temporal view of things, which consists of the here and now and whatever my memory can resurrect from days gone by. 

There is this: There is always hope. Always. It is the gift of a benevolent and gracious Giver. And we need to learn to accept that gift without question. It sustains us in the dark days we are experiencing even now, and have been experiencing for some time.

O be joyful.

Talk later!

 

Worried about Ukraine?

I am watching the horrific tragedy of Russia invading Ukraine in real time. History buff that I am, I’m getting WWII vibes here.

I could go on about Putin being psychotic, about how the Ukrainians are showing steely resolve, and how we as the United States should engage. I also think that Volodymyr Zelenskyy will be a future member of the Avengers. That’s not what this blog is about.

Because, if you’re worried about Ukraine, then I want to share some ways you can maybe break that cycle of worry.

Actually, I’ll broaden this out to dealing with anxiety in general.

I’ve dealt with worry and anxiety plenty of times in my blog. My sense, though, is that mental health issues like anxiety don’t need to be ignored … there is always someone wanting a fresh word of encouragement.

Anxiety and worry – sort of the same thing, perhaps – about Ukraine or anything else can paralyze you. It is a demon. There seems to be a progression in worry. (Note: This isn’t all original to me, but I’ll be dogged if I can find or remember the original sources. I’m pretty bad about just scribbling stuff in my journal and not identifying where it came from.)

Anyway … here are five steps to anxiety. If you want to worry about Ukraine, here’s how to worry effectively. (Tongue in cheek here, of course. I know my humor doesn’t always travel well. I had someone on Instagram light me up because she thought I was making light of the situation over there, just because I’d reposted something from The Babylon Bee. Mea culpa.)

1. Worry first rears its head because of some sort of pressure. It may be you were expecting something and your expectations were unmet. For instance, you might’ve expected a good report from your doctor and didn’t get it. You may feel like “the government” is forcing you to do something you’re against. The point is that pressure – from without or within – can cause anxiety.
2. Worry lives rent-free in your mind. Whatever that thing is that is causing you anxiety – Ukraine or whatever – is metastasizing like a cancer. It’s eating you up from the inside. It is taking on way too much influence than it should.
3. Worry changes your behavior. Often, men just default to radio silence. They keep it bottled up, because they’re afraid it’ll show up as some sort of weakness. Maybe that’s a sexist impression, since women may be more expressive in their worry. Either way, anxiety impacts how you act. 
4. Worry changes the way you think. If you’re worried about Ukraine, then your thought life can become focused in an unhealthy way. It’s a bit like point 2 above, but this is a matter of focus. Maybe even an obsession. I’ve seen this on social media a lot … I can predict what someone’s Facebook or Instagram post is going to be about even before I read it. It’s being single-minded in all the wrong ways.
5. Worry unchecked takes you to one of the worst places imaginable – it makes you feel like a loser. You think you’ve failed because you can’t seem to shake your anxiety. Or, it may even be that you worry because you worry. Isn’t that an awful state?

This all culminates in a self-fulfilling prophecy. The very things you don’t want to happen happen anyway because you’ve become obsessed. Covid is another great example … people are anxious because of possible mandates, or anxious because not enough people have gotten vaccinated, or anxious because they worry they’ll fall in that miniscule percentage of folks who get really sick.

Obviously, worrying about Ukraine isn’t helpful, because chances are you can not directly influence what is happening on the ground over there. (You can help, though – there are plenty of legitimate ways to get aid to those Ukrainians who desperately need it.)

I’ll share a little personal experience.

Several years ago I worked for a parachurch organization in metro Atlanta. It was a dream job – to this day I don’t think I’ve ever served in any capacity in any role that was better suited for me. It was how I was hardwired. It was a gift.

Problem was, though, I had to raise my own support. My livelihood was dependent on me going to basically everyone I knew and say something like, “Hey, will you send me $30 a month for the rest of your natural life so I can buy some groceries?”

I was unspeakably lousy at it. To ask for money, to engage on what felt like such a needy level … ack. 

The result was that we barely scratched by. Some months were worse than others. There were times when I’d get all spiritual and say things like “the Lord will take care of our needs.” I believed that.

Then I’d look at the checkbook and realize I had to pay the electric bill.

Was I anxious about that? You bet. I experienced every one of those five points I shared earlier. It put relational pressure on my family, on my friends, on everybody. I wasn’t much fun to be around.

Worry had got the upper hand. It affected my personality. It made me come across (in my eyes) as a failure, a loser. 

I got some advice, though. Here it is: “Don’t worry.”

Can you imagine how unhelpful that is? It made me want to punch the advice-giver in the head. 

However, there is a glimmer of hope in a solution. If you’re worried about Ukraine, or Covid, or global warming or anything else, here’s what I’m learning. God knows I’m not there yet.

If you change the way you behave, then you change the outcome.

Remember Jesus’ admonition to “turn the other cheek?” Talk about counterintuitive. Someone slaps you, and you offer up the other side of your face so you can be slapped again. 

This isn’t about just being a wimp. The normal response is to hit back, and harder. But when you take a hit and don’t hit back, you’ve disrupted a cycle. You’ve changed the outcome of where the exchange was going. Two things have happened: you have controlled your response, and the other person – whether they hit you again or not – has at least been given the opportunity to question their behavior. 

In the case of worry, there’s a similar strategy.

• If every time you worry about something, do something to help someone else. It shifts the focus from yourself to the needs of others. It breaks the cycle. 
• If you get anxious because of what you’re seeing on the news, change channels. The Andy Griffin show is always on somewhere. 
• If something on social media upsets you, keep scrolling. You can absolutely control what goes in your head. You don’t have to respond to everyone, even when they’re wrong. 
• If you are dealing with a health issue, go to the best doctor you can find, do what he or she says, and keep praying. Worrying isn’t going to add a single minute to your lifespan.
• Finally, say with conviction “God’s got this” Because He does.

One more thing. If anxiety is at critical mass in your life, there is absolutely no harm – only benefit – in getting some help. My own story in dealing with depression is a combination of counseling, good meds, a wise neurologist and other medical professionals. Plus having folks around me that love me, support me, and try to understand me.

You can’t do a whole lot about what’s happening in Ukraine. But you can give God the freedom to heal your mind, heart, and emotions. 

Talk later!