It may be that “getting even” with someone is something you’re plotting right now. “I’ll show them,” you say. “I’m gonna get them back. They will pay for what they’ve done.”

And so forth. We’re talking revenge here.

Problem is, getting even doesn’t serve any real purpose.

I grew up in a pretty cushy environment. I’m an only child. My parents were great. I was benignly spoiled. Mine was a loving family. There are some real plusses in growing up with Ward and June Cleaver.

I was a sensitive kid. That’s crossed over into me being a sensitive adult. I’m a true empath – not only do I know how you feel, I feel how you feel. That is for sure a blessing and a curse.

Back then that really strained my brain and played havoc with my heart and emotions. I spent a lot of energy trying to deal with all that. My tendency, then and now, is to quietly withdraw from negative situations and people. I just ain’t got what it takes to deal with those things for a prolonged period.

The byproduct of that would be a simmering desire to get even with someone who hurt me, or even more pronounced, getting even with someone who hurt someone else close to me.

On those dark days, I’d wonder – “Why me? Why can’t people be nice? Why don’t they just lay off?

Maybe you get this.

It might be that you’re the kind of person who feels it necessary to defend yourself, to put up a grim fight, to try to recover from wounds, or to figure out some kind of revenge – getting even, as it were.

I’m not going to judge you, but I do want you to acknowledge if this is true of you or not.

Getting even might give some bit of short-term gratification, but it won’t last, and you’ll probably feel worse after the fact. So let’s talk about some principles that might help you more than getting even would.

1. Don’t take it personally. It’s not you. It’s the other person with issues.

My former boss used to say “hurt people hurt people.” My stars, so much truth right there! When people are mean and unkind, those tendencies come from a wounded place. They are, as Mama would say, “acting out.” So hold onto this one. It’s the other person with the problems. You just happened to be the target of the moment.

2. God is sovereign, and He is in total control.

He is in charge. Whatever you are facing, whatever someone is doing to you or saying about you, is part of a grand strategy He is using to make you more like Him. You are His best project! You don’t have to like what someone is doing to you,  but there’s a plan in place. You may not be privy to it – you probably aren’t. The skill comes in learning how to evaluate things through His eyes. Having the mind of Christ, in other words.

3. The real enemy is Satan. He’s just using those people who are out to make you miserable.

It’s a matter of knowing your enemy. This is a sobering thought – that Satan could be using another human to “get” you. But, we also have to acknowledge that there are times when Satan uses us, too. There’s a pleasant thought! Here’s your smartest tactic, though: Pray for that person doing the attacking. They need Jesus whether they’re Christians or not. They need healing.

4. Keep your guard up.

That whole armor of God thing? You can read about it in Ephesians 6:10-18.

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

There is a real battle out there to be fought, and it’s not to be fought with someone getting even with you. Save your energy for the real deal.

5. “Vengeance is mine,” sayeth the Lord. You are not His instrument.

Let God deal with the offender. He will be just. He’ll handle things the way He sees fit. He doesn’t need your help or advice. If this is about getting even, and making someone pay, God will decide what they need to pay, if anything. Let Him be God.  Actually, He already is.

I don’t need to get even. Revenge is something that causes me to take my eyes off God and focus on myself and what I perceive my needs are.

I do need to say, however, that it’s right and appropriate to set some personal boundaries. You may need to get creative and think of ways to limit contact with them. But to focus on getting even, embracing bitterness, and plotting revenge is just wasted energy. It won’t help. God will handle things in a way that is right and what will bring glory to Himself. You are part of His plan. You are not the plan.

God promises to take care of the persecuted and judge those who are cruel. He’s good like that.

Be well. Comments are welcome!

Unforgiveness is not an option. At least, it shouldn’t be.

Here’s why.

During this past week, the nation and world were witness to an amazing legal trial in Dallas. Here’s what www.Relevantmagazine.com shared (and the photo credit is theirs, too):

This week, former police officer Amber Guyger was sentenced to 10 years in prison for the murder of her neighbor Botham Jean. 

Jean was at home by himself when Guyger entered his apartment by mistake, and shot and killed him. He was just 26 years old. Yesterday, after the sentencing, Botham’s younger brother Brandt addressed the court, and delivered a powerful message to Guyger. 

Brandt then nervously asked the judge if he could give Guyger a hug.

The judge also gave Guyger a Bible – and my understanding is that it was the judge’s personal Bible. The folks from Freedom From Religion have just about gone into anaphylactic shock over that.

For Brandt, unforgiveness was not an option.

How about you?

And, my followup question:

Why wouldn’t you forgive? Unforgiveness is not an option.

I’m sure you have plenty of answers to that. It certainly is easy to harbor unforgiveness, even bitterness. Aren’t grudges fun anyway?

Isn’t it a pleasure to despise someone else?

Of course it is. We all enjoy locking eyes with someone who has wronged us or someone we care about and feel that delicious blossoming of malice. It’s fun to wish ill-will on someone else.

Or not.

C’mon, now. What purpose does unforgiveness serve? Who exactly do we want to hurt?

If someone has wronged you or otherwise hurt you, and you haven’t forgiven them, to what end does your unforgiveness lead you?

It won’t take you to a pleasant place. I guarantee it.

• For one, unforgiveness won’t take you back in time. It won’t undo what has been done. It’s called the “past” for a reason.
• Second, it won’t change the person that you won’t forgive. They are who they are. Besides, you can’t change anyone. That’s out of your hands.
• Third, it will change you. It simply makes you feel bad, at the very least. And if you don’t feel bad by being consumed with ill-will, well, I’m guessing you have other issues, too. Maybe your soul has become bitter and shriveled.

Why wouldn’t you forgive? It may be that you’re in a place of such pain that you can’t be anything but negative.

That’s bogus. Because you can always, always, always choose to forgive. Unforgiveness is not an option because you have a will that makes it possible.

It may be that we don’t forgive because we prefer personal misery instead.

Forgiveness is liberating. It brings life and freedom. It gives us authority over ourselves, and, in a sense, gives us authority over the person we didn’t want to forgive. And it shows that we may be a bigger person than they are. That’s not a license to show some sort of “I’m better than they are” attitude. It simply means that we aren’t going to let someone else’s actions devalue us. Forgiveness gives us value.

Then, for the believer, there’s this: Take a look at the Cross.

Did Jesus deserve that? Did He have any reason to die for us, ungrateful little people that we are? Scripture is clear that it was our sin that put Him up there, writhing in agony. Not only did He forgive those that physically put Him up there in real time, He forgave us. He made provision for anyone, anytime, anywhere to receive this supernatural forgiveness.

You’ve heard this thousands of times, but hear it again: We can forgive because He first forgave us. We are supernaturally empowered to forgive others because of Him. For Christ-followers, unforgiveness is not an option.

Paraphrasing R.C. Sproul:

Unforgiveness is having the desire in our hearts to do the will of the enemy of God.

Let this be fresh to you, because the implications are staggering.

You can face life with your head held high and your spirit soaring. And it’s because you can do what Jesus did.

P.S. I’d be honored if you’d check out the free course offered in the Transformational Encouragement Academy and leave some feedback. I want this to be the best resource ever. Check it out here.