Hello, my esteemed readers! It’s that time of the year again. Time to dust off the marital playbook and reflect on the 43-year long journey I’ve spent tripping, stumbling, and occasionally sprinting towards marital bliss. I hope my wisdom proves useful, and if not, may it at least provide you with a few chuckles. Here are my 43 lessons learned, one for each year of wedded… adventure.
- Marry someone with a different favorite cereal. This way, you’ll never have to argue over the last bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch at 3 am.
- Always keep your spouse’s favorite snack in the pantry. That way, you have a foolproof way to end arguments. “Honey, I…wait, is that a Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pie?”
- The secret to a happy marriage? Two words: separate blankets.
- Understanding is crucial. After 43 years, I now understand she is always right, and I usually don’t have any idea what’s going on.
- Remember, your spouse is not a mind reader. If they were, they’d probably be on tour with Cirque Du Soleil, not arguing over the thermostat with you.
- Always have an emergency jar of strawberry preserves on hand. Trust me on this.
- Marry someone who laughs at your jokes. Even the ones that aren’t funny. Especially those ones.
- Always carry a photo of your spouse in your wallet. When your credit card bill comes in, it’ll remind you why you’re broke.
- If you must argue, make it about something significant. Like whether it’s pronounced “gif” or “jif”.
- Learn the art of compromise. For example, she hates spiders, and they don’t bother me and I’m willing to let them hang out and eat bugs. So, we compromised, and now we live with a spider named Phil.
- You’re not just marrying your spouse, you’re marrying their choice of TV shows too. Brace yourself.
- Perfect the ‘nod and smile’ early on. It comes in handy when you have no idea what she’s talking about but want to appear interested.
- Once you realize that the dishwasher is a mysterious creature which no human can ever load correctly, you’re halfway to a happy marriage.
- If you’re wrong, admit it. If you’re right, tread lightly. Really, really lightly.
- The couple who DIYs together, stays together. Even if it does take three weeks, four trips to the hardware store, and an emotional breakdown to build a birdhouse.
- In a happy marriage, communication is key. In an ecstatic one, selective hearing reigns supreme.
- Marry someone who can cook. Love might be the secret ingredient, but knowing how to make real biscuits helps.
- Remember to celebrate the small victories. Like that time when she finally agreed your favorite armchair didn’t belong on the porch.
- If you can survive painting a room together, you can survive anything.
- Accept that the toilet paper will never be on the holder the ‘right’ way. The sooner you come to terms with this, the happier you’ll be.
- In marriage, you must be patient. Patience is what you have when you have too many witnesses to act otherwise.
- A happy marriage is finding that one person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Remember, it’s not about who wears the pants. It’s about who controls the TV remote.
- Honesty is vital in a marriage. Just not when she asks if her favorite shirt makes her look fat.
- If you’re lucky enough to find someone as weird as you, never let them go. Unless they put milk in before the cereal. Then you should reconsider.
- Remember, marriage is about seeing each other at your worst and sticking around anyway. Even if ‘worst’ means singing show tunes in dinosaur pajamas.
- Regular date nights are key. They remind you why you fell in love, and who’s turn it is to pay the bill.
- When in doubt, remember the three magical words: “You’re right, dear.”
- The secret to a lasting marriage? Treat it like a seance. Sit in a dark room, speak to people who aren’t there, and quietly hope that the spirits move the coffee table.
- Marry someone who can laugh when you trip and fall… but who will also help you up and ask if you’re okay.
- Always hold hands. If you let go, she shops.
- Let her have the last piece of cake. If it’s red velvet, this can add years to your marriage.
- If you find socks all over the house, you’re not alone. You’re married.
- Love is grand. But having the whole bed to yourself every now and then is too.
- Remember, a perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other. Or give up on being able to meet for lunch at the same time.
- Marriage is a workshop… where the husband works and the wife shops.
- Learn to apologize. Repeat. And again.
- Keep her favorite flowers in mind. And if all else fails, remember that ‘flour’ for baking has often a similar pronunciation.
- Just remember, love is all you need. And a reliable Wi-Fi connection.
- Learn to forgive. Because she will remember, and she will bring it up at the most inopportune times.
- Hug daily. But check your spouse’s hands for permanent markers first.
- A marriage is based on trust. Especially trusting that she won’t share that embarrassing story from a classic vacation with your friends.
- Lastly, never stop saying “I love you”. Even if it’s just because you forgot to take out the trash. Again.
- BONUS: Say “I love you,” and mean it.
There you have it. 43 years of wedded bliss wrapped up into 43 little nuggets of wisdom. Remember, a sense of humor is vital in marriage. After all, if you can’t laugh at yourselves, who will? Be blessed, and here’s to another 43 years!