It may be that “getting even” with someone is something you’re plotting right now. “I’ll show them,” you say. “I’m gonna get them back. They will pay for what they’ve done.”

And so forth. We’re talking revenge here.

Problem is, getting even doesn’t serve any real purpose.

I grew up in a pretty cushy environment. I’m an only child. My parents were great. I was benignly spoiled. Mine was a loving family. There are some real plusses in growing up with Ward and June Cleaver.

I was a sensitive kid. That’s crossed over into me being a sensitive adult. I’m a true empath – not only do I know how you feel, I feel how you feel. That is for sure a blessing and a curse.

Back then that really strained my brain and played havoc with my heart and emotions. I spent a lot of energy trying to deal with all that. My tendency, then and now, is to quietly withdraw from negative situations and people. I just ain’t got what it takes to deal with those things for a prolonged period.

The byproduct of that would be a simmering desire to get even with someone who hurt me, or even more pronounced, getting even with someone who hurt someone else close to me.

On those dark days, I’d wonder – “Why me? Why can’t people be nice? Why don’t they just lay off?

Maybe you get this.

It might be that you’re the kind of person who feels it necessary to defend yourself, to put up a grim fight, to try to recover from wounds, or to figure out some kind of revenge – getting even, as it were.

I’m not going to judge you, but I do want you to acknowledge if this is true of you or not.

Getting even might give some bit of short-term gratification, but it won’t last, and you’ll probably feel worse after the fact. So let’s talk about some principles that might help you more than getting even would.

1. Don’t take it personally. It’s not you. It’s the other person with issues.

My former boss used to say “hurt people hurt people.” My stars, so much truth right there! When people are mean and unkind, those tendencies come from a wounded place. They are, as Mama would say, “acting out.” So hold onto this one. It’s the other person with the problems. You just happened to be the target of the moment.

2. God is sovereign, and He is in total control.

He is in charge. Whatever you are facing, whatever someone is doing to you or saying about you, is part of a grand strategy He is using to make you more like Him. You are His best project! You don’t have to like what someone is doing to you,  but there’s a plan in place. You may not be privy to it – you probably aren’t. The skill comes in learning how to evaluate things through His eyes. Having the mind of Christ, in other words.

3. The real enemy is Satan. He’s just using those people who are out to make you miserable.

It’s a matter of knowing your enemy. This is a sobering thought – that Satan could be using another human to “get” you. But, we also have to acknowledge that there are times when Satan uses us, too. There’s a pleasant thought! Here’s your smartest tactic, though: Pray for that person doing the attacking. They need Jesus whether they’re Christians or not. They need healing.

4. Keep your guard up.

That whole armor of God thing? You can read about it in Ephesians 6:10-18.

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

There is a real battle out there to be fought, and it’s not to be fought with someone getting even with you. Save your energy for the real deal.

5. “Vengeance is mine,” sayeth the Lord. You are not His instrument.

Let God deal with the offender. He will be just. He’ll handle things the way He sees fit. He doesn’t need your help or advice. If this is about getting even, and making someone pay, God will decide what they need to pay, if anything. Let Him be God.  Actually, He already is.

I don’t need to get even. Revenge is something that causes me to take my eyes off God and focus on myself and what I perceive my needs are.

I do need to say, however, that it’s right and appropriate to set some personal boundaries. You may need to get creative and think of ways to limit contact with them. But to focus on getting even, embracing bitterness, and plotting revenge is just wasted energy. It won’t help. God will handle things in a way that is right and what will bring glory to Himself. You are part of His plan. You are not the plan.

God promises to take care of the persecuted and judge those who are cruel. He’s good like that.

Be well. Comments are welcome!