From Tony … I have a friend named Courtney. We’ve known each other since the cradle. She may just be one of my favorite humans. And God grant that I don’t take my friends for granted! She wrote down some thoughts a few days ago and I thought they were so sweet and thoughtful that I asked her permission to share them with you. Thank you, Courtney. This will be really meaningful to someone today.
We just need you to stay home and pray…well, just shoot me. This whole gig is right down the alley of the Marys of the world, but for those of us who are Marthas, it is hard. It’s not that I don’t believe in prayer, because I most certainly do, but I have learned over the years that as soon as I am very deep into praying, God starts telling me where to take the casserole. Part of that, of course, is the intrusion of my southern upbringing that has taught me that comfort food helps almost anything, but most of it is the central tenet of life of any extroverted Martha. There is ALWAYS something we can do.
Now I have had more than one spiritual leader tell me that I needed to work on my centering prayer skills, and I do understand the point of the Mary and Martha story. Really…I do. But as I have grown older, I have become comfortable enough with who I am to realize that my gifts lie in the arena of action. I just need to make certain that my actions are headed in the right direction. (Peter is my favorite Bible character…impulsive and sometimes misguided, yes..but also the Rock. I LOVE Peter!)
But I digress. I really meant to talk about mental health during this weird time. What in the world could possibly be my problem, I ask myself, when there are so many people whose path is tremendously more difficult than mine? All that is asked of me is that I stay at home.
Even for those of us who have the luxury of working from home, life is just weird. All the conventions that hold our society together have been turned upside down. We really don’t know how to do this, but we are learning.
I’m an event girl, and all the events I was working on both professionally and personally have been cancelled. I find myself at loose ends. Oh, there are those planning WAAAAY ahead and writing reports chores that can be done. And I can always work on that tutorial about website photos … really, that is on my list, I promise. I mean, I need to keep plugging away being useful during my work time, but the energy is gone. It is hard.
Then there are those connections to people that are so important to me. I am an only child and I really do know how to be by myself. As much as I am the extrovert’s extrovert, I require alone time to recharge. I love a pajama day or a week sitting on the beach house deck as much as the next person, but my energy comes from interaction with others. At work and in my personal life.
As we have navigated through this first month of social distancing, which thank God appears to be working, and are trying to settle into additional weeks, I have realized that these two things really help.
I have learned to try to be intentional about accomplishing something positive each day and counting that a win. Maybe it is just that I successfully gamed the online grocery pick up and got the special mushrooms I needed to make my vegetable beef soup, and we had a really good comfort supper last night with a big pot left in the fridge. Maybe it is that I helped a work friend brainstorm about a creative way to stay in touch with our students. (Please give me a creative task!) Or maybe it is that I am sending a handwritten note to a friend who is grieving. Those things, which in my normal busy world would not even be thought about…those things count. A feeling of accomplishment is grounding.
The second thing I have learned is to try to reach out to a friend each day. It is so easy to lapse into neglecting this. Especially as we feel that tug of sadness pulling us down and it seems easier to hide under the covers and watch Netflix. Short text messages keep us connected, but they do not nourish the soul like a good long visit. Phone chats and FaceTime are better than nothing. Call your friends.
I am reminded of the time here in Southeast Texas after Hurricane Harvey when I wrote a piece about none of us are okay. Even those of us who did not have damage from the storm had weathered a traumatic event. That is where many of us find ourselves right now. And it is really not helpful to question what our problem is, when all that is asked of us is to stay at home.
What we are doing is hard. Let’s don’t add being hard on ourselves to that burden.
I miss you.
Love, Martha
So true. ❤️