What am I afraid of? That’s a pretty provocative question, right?

So what are you afraid of?

I wouldn’t classify it as a full-blown phobia, but I am afraid of heights. I do fine if I’m strapped into something secure (think theme park rides), or if there’s a guard rail between me and the void. But put me on a roof, or a ladder, and I’m gonna have heart palpitations and sweaty palms.

That, however, isn’t the kind of fear I’m talking about. When I think in terms of what I am afraid of, mine is more existential.

Disclosure time. Don’t judge until you read this whole blog.

For as long as I can remember as an adult, I’ve had this fear of being destitute and not being able to provide for the needs of my family or myself. It’s not really a fear of being jobless, but rather not having enough money to meet my obligations and simple necessities. I might even identify this as a fear of being broke.

That is what I am afraid of. You may think that’s foolish, but I’m keeping it real.

Stay with me here.

Several years ago, there was a book and a movie called Still Alice. 

Julianne Moore won the Academy Award for Best Actress for this one. It tells the story of Alice Howland, a linguistics professor diagnosed with familial Alzheimer’s disease shortly after her 50th birthday.

I’m probably mangling this quote – Google didn’t help me this time – but Alice says, “I have no control over which yesterday I keep and which ones are deleted. My yesterdays are disappearing and my tomorrows are uncertain. So what do I live for?”

And you think you have problems.

Point being – there may be times when we find ourselves in moments of hesitation and uncertainty when it comes to God’s plan for our lives. We might find ourselves afraid of what might be coming into our lives.

The obvious – and uncomfortable bottom line – is “do you trust God?” My goodness, what a confrontational question.

Say it with me: “Of course I trust God!”

Yeah, but, why are we so often afraid? My scriptured-up side says, “What can mere mortals do to me?” My pervasive flesh says, “Yeah, but …”

Ouch.

I don’t think we’re alone in this at all. A quick perusal of ancient script verifies this.

I wonder was Moses afraid? Here he is with a literal country wandering around with him for forty years in the desert. Was he afraid of what was ahead?

Take Abraham. He boldly (it seems) took his only son Isaac up the side of a mountain with the goal of killing him because God had commanded it. Was he afraid?

Or even Mary. Here she is with her newborn,  presenting Him in the temple, and old Simeon said “and a sword will pierce your own soul.” Think that might’ve made her fear?

Back to the question: What are you afraid of?

I’m finding Psalm 56:4 helpful here. This is from the Christian Standard Bible translation:

In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?

Look. I know my fears are irrational. Really, now – what part of Creation should frighten me, since God is my Father and He created all of Creation?

I suppose we can be afraid of both the known and the unknown, as in I know I’m afraid of heights. That still isn’t a primarily rational fear.

It’s that fear of destitution, in my case. That’s a man made, cultural construct. Yep, it can be oppressive on a bad day.

That’s why I constantly pray, “God, be patient with me. I’m better than this.”

That’s my little confession. And the key to fixing this is to fall back into the arms of Christ.

That scripture I shared with you? It says to not fear, but to trust and to praise.

The Hebrew word for “trust” is batah (and no, I’m not a linguist. I just have some handy tools). It means “to put confidence in,” but it also carries the sense of “falling to the ground.”

That’s a very vulnerable, submissive position right there. On your face.

And that word for praise? That’s gonna be the word halal, the root word of hallelujah. But it also carries the sense of “to shine” or “radiate.” So, yeah … does your life reflect Jesus? Does it shine?

What do shining or taking a posture of humility have to do with fear? How does that impact what you’re afraid of?

Imagine that you’re kneeling. Psalm 118 talks about God being by your side. Feel that. Imagine you’re leaning on Him, and that He is facing your fears for you. Listen – there’s a battle raging around you and before you. And what does God say to you?

You look around, and before you is a scene of victory. Is your face shining? How do you respond to God now that your enemies and fears have been destroyed?

Hebrews 13:6 carries this same theme.

So we say with confidence,
“The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.
What can mere mortals do to me?”

Here you go: You can come out of distress, because you call Him Lord. He will set you free from fear and be your helper. Earthly fear means nothing with God at your side.

Soak in this.

He is an all-knowing and sufficient God. He gives hope. You can’t do this on your own strength. It has to happen in His strength.

Do this:

Call out your fears by name. And as you do, say “what is it in this I need to fear?”

Watch what happens. Embrace it.

Be well.