I love having guest bloggers grace You Can Have Hope! I’ve been reading Amy’s stuff for a while now, and think what she has to say is sweetly wonderful. I heartily recommend her to you all.
Amy Carroll is a speaker and writer for Proverbs 31 Ministries. She’s the author of Breaking Up with Perfect and Exhale as well as the director and coach of Next Step Coaching Services. As a woman who loves a great story and a challenging idea, co-hosting the Grit ‘n’ Grace podcast has become one of her favorite things.
Amy and her husband live in lovely Holly Springs, NC where you can find her on any given day texting her adult kids, typing away at her computer, or trying to figure out one more alternative to cooking dinner. Join Amy at amycarroll.org where she’s gathering tender hearts and strong voices, or find out more about her speaker coaching services at nextstepcoachingservices.com.
The longer I read the shorter my breath grew, and I felt the heat of stress radiating from my constricted heart. “At my house, the bustle stops when we gather with our daughters to trim the tree,” Gayle Butler, editor of Better Homes and Gardens, gushed.
Then she went on to describe her family’s lovely evening complete with traditional music, story-telling, and eggnog. She ended by saying, “By the time our quiet evening concludes, we’re energized and ready to try something new.”
Wow. That sounds just like my family. (Insert sarcastic tone here.)
My case of hives wasn’t so much from the article. I’m happy for Gayle and her peeps. Really. Instead, it came from memories of one particular tree-trimming evening at my house.
We all started well–hubs, the boys and me–matching up with the perfect pictures of Christmas preparations in my mind. It was just like BH & G. Amy Grant crooned Christmas carols in the background. Eggnog was poured into the red glass cups that I had snagged at a tag sale, and boxes of decorations from the attic lined the walls. For a fleeting moment, we experienced the perfect Christmas season.
But everything started downhill when it came time to put lights on the tree.
Squabbles erupted over tangled strings of bulbs. Somebody turned on the football game, and the sound of the TV clashed with the carols from the stereo. Instead of telling lovely stories of the ornaments’ histories as we hung each one, my boys began to make fun of the 70s-style baubles from my childhood. The perfect moment all fell apart faster than you can say, “Mama’s in a snit.”
Maybe they just got distracted, or maybe it was the maternal growls and snarls that drove them away, but suddenly I found myself sitting alone on the floor in front of the tree. The rest of my family had abandoned our decorating traditions.
I furiously gave the tree a yank to position it for another ornament, and… TIMBER! It fell on me, driving the metal rod of one of the artificial branches into my arm.
That’s when it happened. Out of my mouth popped some of the overflow of a disgruntled perfectionist’s heart—a big, fat, four-letter word.
That brought the family back into the room.
“Mom! Did you just say #*!@?!”
To this day, there is one favorite Christmas story at my house. It’s not The Gift of the Magi or The Polar Express. Not even How the Grinch Stole Christmas makes the cut. Our family’s favorite story is The Day Mom Cussed When the Christmas Tree Fell on Her.
Sigh.
So much for the perfect family Christmas. Ours might be rated R.
This year is likely to be the hardest Christmas any of us can remember… especially if we’re holding tight to the idea of the ideal Christmas. After all, nobody’s up for singing “I’m Dreaming of a COVID Christmas.”
The tree-trimming I described above happened almost a decade ago, and I’ve now spent almost two decades breaking up with perfect. Only Jesus brings true perfection, so I’ve stopped pursuing my own so that He can start His perfecting work in me.
I’ve learned a few things we can all do as the holidays approach that will usher in what we all want this time of year—joy, peace, and a Jesus-focused heart. They’re all centered on relationships—with yourself, God, and others. Our circumstances will never be perfect, but our Christmas love can thrive.
Keep It Simple
Don’t drive yourself this season, and for heaven’s sake, don’t drive others either (a lesson I’ve learned the hard way). The pandemic has been difficult for all of us, and we’re tired. Be gentle with yourself and others.
For example, keep a family calendar and preserve some white space. For each opportunity presented, ask yourself what should not go on your calendar.
Leave some of the decorations in the attic. Pick up cookies for the holidays at the local bakery. Give a gift card to your cranky cousin that’s never pleased with his gift.
Have a discussion with friends and family about what is important to each person, and then let the rest go. I shake my head in sadness when I think of all the years that I drove myself and everyone else crazy with all the things I thought had to be done… stuff nobody enjoyed anyway.
Make Sure to Savor
Savor each person (even if they’re on Zoom instead of in the room), each moment, and most importantly, savor time each day with God. Linger in the candlelight of early morning. Let music of praise wash over you. Savor this season with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength.
For me, it’s particularly hard to savor my relationship with Jesus from November through December. My mental lists lengthen in any quiet moment, so this is the season when I need some great devotional books to keep my thoughts focused. Here are a couple I’ve got close at hand for this season:
- The Greatest Gift by Ann Voskamp
- The Women of Christmas by Liz Curtis Higgs
I’m looking forward to a simpler but happier Christmas with my family in 2020. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that breaking up with unrealistic expectations—those pictures of the perfect Christmas that only live in my head—is the key to creating a Christmas that’s perfect for us. (Hopefully, minus four-letter words this year!)-