Life is full of hard lessons, now isn’t it?

This should be self-evident, but we could probably save ourselves a lot of grief if we’d just simply chill. What I’ll share with you today falls in that vein. This pondering on hard lessons might strike you as defeatist. I’ll go with it anyway; you may find this expendable.

Or it might just be what you need to hear today. It’s certainly what I needed.

With that as background, let’s peruse this. These are my three hard lessons. You could probably make up your own list. And this is just three out of many.

 1. Some people can’t or won’t change. Leave them alone. Leave them where they are.

Oh, y’all, this is so not me. I look around and see people suffering, frankly. I’m not talking about just physical ailments, although that could be part of the mix. Rather, I’m seeing people setting themselves up for heartache, embracing the wrong kind of pain, and being taught some hard lessons … and not growing because of them.

So here’s Tony, watching someone make perfectly soul-scarring choices, and watching their life unravel.

And I’m learning to leave them right where they are.

Hear me: this doesn’t mean that I don’t care. Quite the opposite. It just means that, despite the fact that I always want to fix people, much in the same way a mechanic would want to fix a car that continued to stall, I have to take my hands off.

When it comes to hard lessons, some people just have to experience some hard lessons. What this implies comes from Alcoholic Anonymous – paraphrased, it says that “you can’t want something for someone more than they want it for themselves.” In other words – hands off.

So I, in effect, just have to leave people alone. The upside? I can intercede. For we who are believers, this may be something that doesn’t come easy. Deeds, not words, right? Let’s get our hands on that person hurting and make things right with our wisdom and advice.

Nope. Take them to Jesus. And leave there. Be available, be present, but let God take them through the hard lessons.

2.  Accept the tough situations, and the good situations, for what they are.

This might be tough to absorb, but there are a whole lot of things in life that are out of your hands. But none of them, nothing, not a thing is out of God’s hands.

Capisce?

To clarify: this is not an invitation to roll over and play dead, turn a blind eye, or whatever metaphor you care to invoke. The hard lessons component to this is that you simply must accept what is in your life, good and bad, because God has either allowed it or ordained it.

There are some deep theological weeds to get into here. Not today, not from me.

Rather, understand that for believers there is no such thing as “it just is.” It is what it is, certainly, but again – it’s no accident that it is.

I’m all about providence and sovereignty. God’s in control. Were he not, if there was just one renegade molecule in the universe, then He would have to abdicate His throne.

Yes, work for change as you are directed by the Holy Spirit. But exercise some wisdom, too. You may just need to take your hands off things you can’t directly impact.

Again, intercede. Accept that God is Lord of all, and for pity’s sake, relax.

3. Realize not every action needs a reaction or response.

This is one of the really hard lessons for me. I blame it on social media – or, rather, my abuse of it.

Here’s the scenario. I’ll be scrolling through Facebook, looking for news and updates or friends, and finding memes that crack me up.

Then I’ll read a post, invariably from someone I love or respect, and think to myself, “Are you nuts?” (Things from strangers don’t affect me this way.)

I’ll read something that is so blatantly wrongheaded and untrue, something that was cut and pasted or reposted without one scintilla of rational thought or vetting, and think “do you even know how ignorant this makes you sound?”

Then I get all self-righteous, as in “I’d never share anything so moronic. I’m better/smarter/more reasoned than that.” If it’s from someone I know to be a Christian, I think, “You’re making us all look bad.”

At that point, I feel the need to challenge that person’s thoughts, because, hey, don’t you want to know if you’re wrong?

I’ll type out one of my typical, reasoned, eloquent responses. I’ll put a lot of thought in it, because I don’t want to be reactionary. I want them to know of my respect for them, their measured thinking, and (hopefully) without dissing them, I’ll dismantle them by pointing out (in love) the fallacies in their statements.

Then I’ll sit back, all smug and self-satisfied…

And then delete it all.

Here’s one of my really hard lessons I’ve had to learn: I don’t have to correct everyone. Know why? I don’t always know their story.

People post and share out of a sense of who they are, what values they hold, and what beliefs are cherished by them. If I say anything, even if I’m trying to correct a position they hold, it invariably comes across as an attack on them. Most people can’t separate their beliefs from who they are.

And, as hard as this is to conceive, I might be wrong.

Of all the hard lessons, this is the toughest of the three for me. I simply don’t need to respond to everything I read. Sometimes I might. Sometimes I should. But, by and large, it seems wise for me to just listen.

That’s my three hard lessons. If you’ve of a mind to comment, I’d love to hear your hard lessons, too.

Be well.