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How can you know that you’ve truly forgiven someone? To truly forgive someone means that, in the words of the great theologian Elsa, you’ve let it go.

I know, right? Not so easy.

We can forgive in the Christian sense – I mean, we forgive because Christ first forgave us (more on that later) – but there still may be that nagging sense of not being able to walk away. We nurse grudges. Maybe we avoid the other person.

I’m blessed in that I’m not one who tends to hold a grudge. But, I do remember wrongs done me.

It’s not that I’m hypersensitive. (Maybe I am.) While my memory isn’t what it was – and it never was all that great in the first place – things that happened literally decades ago are still present.

Seeing that in writing is kinda sick. I should be better than that.

So if I want or need to know that I’ve truly forgiven someone, there should be some realities of forgiveness.

Here’s my four.

First, though, a word from ancient script. It’s Colossians 3:13 – I love Colossians.

¹³ Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Pretty basic. Keep reading; I’ve been convicted.

1. Forgiveness means that you’ve surrendered your right to get even. Okay, then. Revenge is a natural response to being wronged, isn’t it? In the Christian realm, we know that the blood of Jesus has covered all our sins. In order to receive that forgiveness, we have to do some up close and personal business with God Himself. We pray, and we receive Jesus for salvation. It doesn’t happen by osmosis. We have to acknowledge our wrongdoing. We don’t have to ask for forgiveness from God over and over again – when we receive Christ, we’re forgiven of past, present, and future sins. There’s no need to keep a scorecard. It’s a done deal. Of course we always need to acknowledge our sins. However …when you forgive someone else, that means that you’ve also placed the outcome of the matter in God’s hands. You let go. He has it. That might make you feel like it’s unfair – the scales of justice are unbalanced – but it’s not your concern. God will deal with you and the other person as He sees fit. That’s liberating.
2. Forgiveness takes time. Remember what I said about being aware that I can remember wrongs done decades ago? That should be sufficient time to get over anything. This is perhaps one of the differences between divine forgiveness and human forgiveness. God forgives with just a word, and that’s it. Finished. We, on the other hand, sometimes have to go through a gradual purge to rid ourselves of any lasting memories. Those wrongs from a long time ago still be in my memory, but they don’t sting like they once did. There is an element of choosing to move on that factors in here, too, but I don’t have a sweet personal testimony about that. Choosing is hard work. “Let go and let God,” they say, and while that looks good on a t-shirt or bumper sticker, it’s a principle I struggle with. Sheesh. It just takes time, and I’ll leave that right there.
3. Forgiving doesn’t require forgetting. That may seem counter to what I’ve already shared, but I believe there’s some truth here. I’m haunted by Isaiah 43:25 –“I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.” That’s amazing … but just to put some nuance in this, remember that God didn’t forget that Peter denied Jesus. Really – on a human level it might be futile to try to forget, and we don’t need to get all weirdly guilty because we don’t. The more we try, the more we remember. Ack. There has to be some way to detoxify that bad memory and cleanse it from our souls. It may remain in our heads, but it doesn’t have to stay in our hearts. I think it’s legitimate to beg God to make that a reality in our lives. I sure can’t do it on my own.
4. Forgiving is expected. Painful truth, that. I simply can’t find a loophole. Here’s the thing: nothing enables us to forgive like knowing in our souls that we have been forgiven ourselves. This is so fundamental, so basic. You don’t have to look any further than the Lord’s Prayer, specifically at Matthew 6:12: And forgive us our debts,as we also have forgiven our debtors. That’s what Jesus taught. It’s wise to listen to Him and obey, feelings notwithstanding. 

It is unthinkable for a forgiven person to refuse to forgive someone else.

If the question is “How can I know if I’ve truly forgiven someone?”, those are four ideas to consider.

I’d love to hear your comments. I’ve provided space below.

Be well.