Character. Do you know what that is? Do you know how to develop character?

This may be a non-issue for you. You may be the most consistent person in the universe. You are unfailingly the same, no matter the circumstances or who you’re with.

Character is who you are when no one’s looking. Is that who you are? To develop character, you have to be consistent and authentic, all the time. All the time.

Don’t give yourself any wiggle room on this. If you’re going to develop character, you have to do a serious gut check.

Fortunately, you can correct those inconsistencies.

The reason I’m tackling this today is that I’ve come to see why some people are depressed and even hopeless is because they know they aren’t being true to their authentic selves. They are chameleons, adapting to whatever their environment is. This isn’t inherently bad. The problem comes when we try to “get away” with something. Perhaps we pretend to be something we aren’t to fit in.

Character is who we are at our core. There’s good character and bad character, yes?

I just don’t believe we need to bring any more grief on ourselves than we have to. That means we have to choose who we really are (and you can choose – you aren’t totally hardwired and unchangeable).

To pull this off – and to develop character as we should – there are some steps we can take. Some of them call for some earnest self-evaluation. That’s not always pleasant. But to move you from where you are (especially if you’re feeling like a phony) to where you need to be (walking upright before God and man), we need to confront what I call “the me nobody knows.”

I’d love for you to do this in writing in a journal. Barring that, at least put some serious thought into what I’m asking. You know I’m a huge proponent of journaling. I’d encourage you not to take any shortcuts. You’ll be better for it.

First, think of at least three occasions when you did the right thing.

I’d even go as far as to ask you to identify those three things you did in spite of the cost. You held fast against the prevailing winds. You stiffened your spine and faced what might’ve hurt you, your relationships, your vocation, or any number of things.

Attaboy. Attagirl.

Second, think about three times you blew it.

You caved.

Because of circumstances, other people, a temptation, whatever – you messed up. Maybe no one knows about it but you. But you know, deep down in your bone marrow, that you showed a shocking lack of integrity. When it came t0 developing character, you came up lacking.

Write this down, too.

Third, I’d like for you to come up with three people in your life with whom you aren’t being completely honest.

This isn’t about revealing your most private thoughts. We all have those. What we’re after is a list of three people that you are consciously and purposefully misleading. Maybe you’re hiding something. Maybe there is something in your life you’re ashamed of. You feel that if they knew what was going on, they’d turn their backs on you.

Honesty. It’s a crucial part of developing character. It’ll keep you from feeling like a fraud.

Fourth, think of three ways you aren’t being true to the best that’s in you.

You know what you are capable of. You know that, by God’s grace, you have what it takes to be a winner. I’m not trying to be some sort of motivational guru. But most of us recognize a gap between where we are and where we need to be. I’d even go as far as to say you already know what it would take to let your best self rise.

So identify three areas that could use some real work. Those areas that would bring you immense personal blessings but, for whatever reason, you find yourself content to be quietly miserable.

And fifth, think of three areas of personal stress. Here’s the question: How might they be caused by you yourself?

It’s an awful thought, knowing that stress is self-inflicted. I don’t have any empirical evidence to back this up, but I believe that so much of the hopelessness, anxiety, and fear we feel is because of stress. Furthermore, that stress might be rooted in our own lack of character. We aren’t being faithful to who we are or should be. We become inauthentic when we pretend or cover up.

I’m still working through how I feel about all this. Maybe this is a reach. What I am certain of, though, is that a lack of character, an abandonment of authenticity, will erode your soul.

Just be real.

If your character is in shambles, and you feel like a fraud, you can turn that around. The first step is acknowledging your state and what it’s doing to you.

Lord knows we’re all works in progress, and don’t use my musings as an excuse to beat yourself up.

Developing character is all about being authentic. Let that be your passion. You’ll be better for it.

~ Tony ~