Last week I experienced what I thought was a bone-crushing disappointment. Man alive, it hurt. Part of it was my fault, I suppose. Part of it was just a “thing.”

I was disappointed in how I responded to disappointment. That’s a pretty vicious circle, right?

Disappointment is an inevitable part of life. Whether it’s a missed promotion, a failed relationship, or an unexpected event, we all experience letdowns from time to time. But disappointment doesn’t have to define us or keep us stuck.

Since I’m so dang prone to internalize my feelings – make things about me – I know I need to learn to do better, to roll with it.

After overthinking disappointment, and looking to ways to move on, I’ve come up with some points. I culled these from a lot of different sources and made them my own. I’d encourage you to do the same. 

1 – Acknowledge and validate your feelings.

When disappointment hits, give yourself permission to feel the emotions that come with it. Acknowledge the hurt, frustration, or sadness that you’re experiencing. Validate your feelings by recognizing that it’s normal to feel disappointed and it doesn’t mean you are weak or a failure. 

Remember, allowing yourself to feel is the first step towards healing. Don’t wall yourself away from how you feel. You aren’t a bot. You aren’t A.I. (Are you? It’s getting hard to tell.)

2 – Reframe your perspective.

Take a step back and try to view the situation from a different angle. Ask yourself if there’s a lesson to be learned, an opportunity for growth, or a silver lining. By reframing the disappointment, you can shift your focus from what didn’t work out to what you can gain from the experience.

Perspective, yes? Treat yourself to that 20,000 foot view. Say this: “On the other hand …”

3 – Create a plan for moving forward.

I’m all about making plans. It keeps me from being paralyzed. It gives me something to do.

Instead of dwelling on the disappointment, turn your attention to actionable steps you can take to move forward. Whether it’s setting new goals, seeking professional help, or connecting with your support system, creating a plan can help you regain a sense of control and purpose.

There are maybe a gazillion or so planning tools out there. I am struck by how few folks actually make plans, come up with goals, and such. Trust me – it makes a difference. If you don’t aim at something, you’ll hit it every time.

4 – Practice self-compassion.

Be kind to yourself during this difficult time. Remind yourself that everyone experiences disappointment, and it’s okay to not have everything figured out. Treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding you would offer a friend in a similar situation.

In other words – don’t beat yourself up. It won’t help.

5 – Surround yourself with positive influences.

Connect with friends, family, or colleagues who uplift and support you. Share your feelings and experiences with them, and allow them to help you navigate through your disappointment. Being around positive people can help you regain a sense of hope and optimism.

I’m pretty sure you are around folks who suck the life out of you. You may not be able to do anything about them. Just seek out those who are light-bringers. 

6 – Develop resilience.

Also known as “suck it up, buttercup.”

Disappointment can be an opportunity to build resilience. Learn from your setbacks and use them as stepping stones to grow stronger and more adaptable. By developing resilience, you’ll be better equipped to handle future challenges and disappointments.

It’s tempting to cave. Don’t yield. Just don’t. 

7 – Focus on your strengths and accomplishments.

Even if we’ve never met, this is true of you: You have done good things. You have blessed others. You have had a setback. So?

When disappointment strikes, it’s easy to lose sight of your strengths and achievements. Take some time to reflect on your past successes and the qualities that make you unique. Focusing on your strengths can help rebuild your confidence and motivate you to keep moving forward.

Dealing with disappointment is a natural part of life. I wish it weren’t so, but it’s universal. By acknowledging your feelings, reframing your perspective, creating a plan, practicing self-compassion, surrounding yourself with positive influences, developing resilience, and focusing on your strengths, you can successfully navigate through disappointment and emerge stronger and more resilient than before. Remember, it’s not the disappointments that define us, but how we choose to handle them that truly matters.

Talk later!