I could have taken this in several different directions, but here’s what I have: Nine things to stop right now.

Why not ten? Because everybody does ten. I’ll stop with nine. Most likely there are a lot more – there sure is for me – but I’ll go with this as a starter.

My nine things to stop right now might be different from yours. That’s okay. Come up with your own list.

Here ya go – in no particular order:

1. Gossiping

Wow, where to begin. This is not simply about being informed. In Christian circles, we want to know details so that we can “pray intelligently.” Bull. We just want to know. That’s part of human nature (all of these are) but it doesn’t make it right. Historically, my mouth has gotten me in all sorts of trouble. Gossip is part of that equation. And nothing good ever comes out of it. It hurts others. It ruins relationships. Besides – if someone gossips to you, I guarantee they’ll gossip about you. Ultimately, gossip gets back to the person being gossiped about. That’s ugly.

2. Judging

In my list of nine things, this one probably has the most theological ramifications. You’ll hear this: “What right do you have to judge me?” That’s a fair question. Truth is, you don’t. It’s all about that speck in the other person’s eye and the plank in yours. We tend to judge in others what we see in ourselves. It just makes us feel better, y’know?

Here’s the nuance, and it’s only between believers. You aren’t to judge others, “lest you be judged.” But – it is appropriate to point out to someone that their lives, actions, and words are moving them into an area where God’s judgement already exists. In that sense, God does judge. You’re just pointing out the danger. As always, you approach this from a place of love and no condemnation.

3. Being negative.

What good does that do? Really, now, does that make you feel better? Always looking on the dark side? Thinking about how bad things are? People – guard your heart. Choose to not let things in that corrupt your soul. Some things you can’t help being around and being exposed to. But there are plenty of things you can be spared from. It’s your choice.

4. Complaining.

AKA whining, griping, etc. Sometimes it may feel therapeutic for you. Doesn’t help, much, now does it? What’s so bad is that it alienates people who just don’t want to hear it. Hang out with a complainer long enough and you’ll feel yourself being dragged down. Don’t be that person. Keep it to yourself. Complain when you’re alone in the car, if you must. I’m at an age that the term “curmudgeon” might be appropriate. I’m trying not to display those traits. I’d like to be grumpy and charming at the same time.

5. Making excuses.

Oh, people, I’ll ride this horse until it drops. This is the great malady of our age. It often is seen in a sense of entitlement, and the idea that you’re “owed something,” or that your current state is someone or something else’s fault.

Bull again. I do this little exercise with students all the time, and I’ve blogged on it. Say this: “I am responsible.”

Because you ultimately are. Most likely, you are responsible for the condition you find yourself in. And if it’s one of those rare occasions that your condition is not of your own making, you are responsible for your response to it. Savvy?

6. Lying.

This should be self-evident. Everyone tells little white lies, right? Often to keep from hurting someone’s feelings? I get that.

I’m not excusing that in me. The wise action is just to not say anything. The companion thought is that you need not say something that devalues or hurts someone, even if you’re speaking the truth.

Lying is hard because keeping score is hard. You have to remember everything you said in order to be consistent. That’s too much work.

7. Being narrow-minded.

I’m thinking about being a good listener. Try actively engaging in what someone else is saying. You might learn something.

I get annoyed at all the synonyms for being narrow-minded: bigoted, intolerant, prejudiced, even racist. Those are easy words to invoke when you don’t want to honestly interact and hear what the other person is saying with the intent to understand them.

This is a great exercise – to listen to someone else’s story. I’d add that narrow-mindedness isn’t necessarily the same thing as having convictions. There are some moral issues, for instance, on which I am beyond rigid. But I’ll always, always, always listen to what you have to say. I may not agree. So what?

8. Overthinking.

Maybe this one is just me. Overthinking can manifest itself in all sorts of ways. It can be replaying incidents from the past you’d like a do-over with (that ain’t gonna happen.) It can be what Mama called “borrowing trouble” – worrying about things that most likely will never happen. That’s living your life according to the worst-case scenario. Not good.

My personal favorite is when I analyze until I’m paralyzed. When I make a decision, I want the outcome to be pre-determined. So I fret and struggle with decisions more often than not. At some point, though, you have to nail things down and move on. You have to “ship.”

9. Self-pity.

Don’t get all smug and say you’ve never been there. You/we have absolutely felt bad about yourself. Well, don’t do that. It doesn’t help, nor does it help you feel better. People love to care about others, but being self-pitying sure does make it hard on them. I’m all about grace and mercy, big time. Sometimes, though, “Get over it” is an appropriate response. Try saying that to yourself, and mean it.

The thing about a pity party is that no one wants to come to them, and if they do, they don’t bring gifts.

That’s my nine things to stop right now. Do you have any of your own to add? I’d love for you to comment below.

Note: There are some pretty good links I’ve added in this blog on each of those nine things to stop right now. You might enjoy checking those out.