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I was thinking earlier about the moment I became a grownup.

That’s probably a false statement. I may not be a grownup even yet. This adult thing hasn’t worked out well for me.

Still, you and I can look back on events in our lives that were real mileposts. Markers that changed our lives, for better or worse.

There are little things along the way that led up to the moment I became a grownup.

I was raised in the little southern Alabama town of Elba. It is the county seat of Coffee County. It’s my ancestral home. My parents were both from there.

I never lived anywhere else until I went to college, and Troy [State] University was only about thirty miles down the road. It was close enough for me to run home between classes to drop off some dirty clothes and pick up some clean ones. God bless my mama. She looked after her until she wasn’t able to anymore. She died of cancer; died with dignity. She was like that.

I was an only child – or, technically, I grew up an only child. I had a sister, Jill, who was born several years before me. Jill only lived seven hours. I still tend to think of her as my little sister. I’m looking forward to meeting her one day.

I was spoiled. Not spoiled rotten. There is a difference.

So the moment I became a grownup had to be because I’d risen above that secure little cocoon of my home and town.

I graduated from Mrs. Clark’s kindergarten – that was a big deal. I was grateful I hadn’t been held back because I failed flower bringing or something. At our graduation, we wore pastel caps and gowns. I think mine was a pale green.

That wasn’t adulthood.

I remember the first day of first grade at Elba Elementary School. Mrs. Violet Rainer was my teacher. My first meal in the lunchroom was a hamburger, french fries, applesauce, and milk. The milk wasn’t in a carton. It was in a conical little cup, nestled in a metal pedestal stand. I didn’t eat my applesauce.

I made it through elementary school unscathed.

I’m not a grownup yet.

Then there was middle school, and high school. In retrospect, all this was pretty uneventful. I was a repulsively good kid. I just didn’t get in any trouble. Any rebellion I had was internalized. I made decent grades (and was always reminded how much better I could do if I would “just apply myself.”)

There was a girlfriend or two in those days. Nothing really came of all that. At the time romance was the biggest deal ever. Looking back, it was still a big deal to young Tony. Having worked with teenagers for decades, I know not to make light of relationships. As they say, puppy love isn’t easy if you’re the puppy.

My life pretty much centered around church and band. Back then, band was cool. It’s still cool; just a different kind of cool, I suppose. I loved it.

Church was the ever-constant anchor. I was uber-involved. I received Jesus Christ as my savior when I was eleven. Then I acknowledged a call to full-time Christian vocational ministry when I was sixteen. (Or, as is quaintly said, “I surrendered to the ministry.” That makes it sound like there was some horrific struggle. I didn’t struggle. It was just the thing to do, and I’ve never doubted that call.) This was the single most important event in my life, but it still wasn’t the moment I became a grownup.

I graduated from high school in 1974.

I’m still not a grownup, even after I turned eighteen. I guess, legally, I was an adult, but it had all to do with what the calendar said and not how I thought or felt.

So I’ll return to my college experiences.

I took the CLEP (College Level Examination Program) while in high school. I don’t know if its as widely accepted by colleges as it was back then. If you did well on the test, you were able to bypass certain classes, because it counted toward college credit. I did well enough to skip my freshman year and enroll as a sophomore. And no, I’m not that smart. I didn’t do anything to prepare. I’ve just historically done really well with those sorts of tests.

So here’s Tony, small town, conservative kid, thrown into college life. It was an eye opener. Oh, Lawdy. It was parties, and drinking, and all-night debauchery, and I’d never seen the like. There was a little school thrown in the mix, too.

I started out as a journalism major. It seemed like fun, because I’d always loved to write. After that first quarter, I added a second major – speech and theater. More fun – I’d auditioned for and got a role in a play, “The Visit.” I thought “these are my people,” and you can keep your snarky comments about theater majors to yourself, thank you very much.

I got close to several of my peers. The drama group at Troy was a mixed group, I can assure you. Think “Glee.” There were gay and straight, musically inclined and others who were tone deaf, dancers and non-dancers, devout Christians and some anything but, partiers and sensible conservative types – you get the picture. Yet we were all in this thing together, and for the most part did we not only get along, we enjoyed each other’s company.

The moment I became an adult, though, was around the passing of a young man named Ken.

I’ll share how his life intersected mine next week. This was the moment I became an adult.

Tony’s question: Is there a significant moment or event in your life that you believe was the time you became a grownup? We’d love to hear your story. Comment below!